to send my child to bed hungry?

[ladyfirenze]

dts 7 was offered snacks after school of raisins, apple and carrots with a glass of milk. He ate some raisins and turned down everything else. At five thirty he was served a roast dinner consisting of chicken, roast carrots and sweet potatoes, steamed mange tout and gravy. He sloped off for a poo during dinner and left his carrots and potatoes. I didn't push him to finish them, but I did say I thought he should. He's just got out of bed to tell me his tummy is rumbling and he's hungry. I've said he can have a drink of water and have sent him back to bed...... That's right isn't it.....

Rainbow if you find it an issue being disturbed after 7:30 pm, then I would question your opinion of yourself.

No thanks, Bamboo, I am perfectly secure in my opinion of myself as a good parent. FYI, I have only been off-duty since 9 p.m. tonight. Hope you enjoy your snack.

OP YANBU... DS1 occasionally tries it on to get food once he's in bed and is always met with a firm no. Bedtime is sleeping time not eating time - he gets plenty enough opportunities in the waking day to get all the food he needs in him.

Having said that... I would not send him to bed on an empty tummy in the first place. My DC eat tea at 4.30/5 and go up to bathtime at 6.30, so around 6 I offer them a light snack. (They are 2 and 4 and have bumblebee-like metabolisms so even after a big tea are hungry an hour later.) If they have eaten a good amount of tea they get pink milk and a biscuit. If they have not made a decent attempt at tea then they can have fruit and a plain rice cake.

I don't snack after dinner - I might have a cuppa or a glass of water, and the child is fast asleep!

Damn : He also has likes and dislikes and raisins, carrots and apples as an after school snack is not filling. Followed by a dinner minus any appreciable amounts of complex carbs would leave him hungry.

This is a key thing, I think. If you know there are foods your child doesn't like, you offer them up as snacks in the vain hope that they might eat them and then they don't and then are hungry then you have yourself to blame and need to feed them.

I do think carrots and apples and raisins are a decent snack, if you know a good dinner is coming along later (sounds to me a bit as though they are foods you don't like and therefore wouldn't choose to snack on which is fine, just the OP's son might really like them). But then I like all three things and so does my daughter. Both she and I snack on fruit,especially. I also use fruit as a 'fast food' lunch when I don't have time to eat anything else (like today when I taught two classes back to back and had to eat while saying goodbye to first group and hello to second. Fills me up fine for a few hours until I have time to eat properly.
The dinner had a good helping of potatos in it, which he chose not to eat. I think the crux of it is to get at why he didn't eat it, and really only the OP can judge that.

Was he being deliberately stubborn or not? Does he not like them particularly? Is the poo thing the problem (bad timing!)? If he was being difficult because he felt like it, then I wouldn't indulge him with added extras later on, just as I don't indulge my dd at 3 yo. If she is messing around and says she won't eat because she wants to watch TV or similar,then she gets short shrift later when she announces she's hungry. However, if she is giving off loads of signals that she isn't hungry, then I don't force her to eat, and if she doesn't and later says she's hungry, then she'll get a snack.
I think Damn is right - you have to know your kids preferences(I'm assuming OP does though, and that raisins etc are fine most days), and without the carbs he probably is hungry. But I'd like to know why he didn't eat before I made a call on it.

Should add that even on the occasions where he has asked for food in bed and been told no, he has not gone on to wake up in the night from hunger. Much the same as if I have gone to bed feeling that my tummy is less than completely full, I don't panic and leap out of bed and run down to the fridge. I just go to sleep and maybe have a bigger breakfast in the morning.

Baby you area lovely poster.

I love all foods, there isn't much I don't like.

There are few diets around healthier than ours.

However, as a one off - I would feed the boy.

And FWIW, it's the curse of the "middle classes" (no idea how the OP categorises herself of if it's relevant in this scenario) by not giving their kids enough calories.

Lots of veg, fruit, lean protein etc.. tick tick tick. It had sweet potatoes in it, not potatoes! Big difference.

They need the starch and the fat to go with the fibre, vitamins and minerals.

I can't decide which way to jump on this.

On the one hand I think - come on! He's not going to starve. He's eaten more than 90% of the world's children and it is positively criminal the amount of food we over-consume and waste here in the West.

And then I remember that on some weekends I forget to cook main meals for my DC because quite often we'll have a large breakfast and then get outs and do something, get carried away and realise we haven't eaten for hours. So we take a spontaneous approach to food on the weekend.

OP - do whatever works for you, but chill. I very much doubt he'll end up with an eating disorder or a nutritional deficiency as a result of tonight.

If its a one off and he seemed to make a well behaved attempt at dinner then I'd allow a one off after bed snack. Milk and some bread would be fine, or a plain biscuit. Sometimes people aren't hungry when they're supposed to be, or the start of an illness can mess appetite up. I've just had a tummy bug and hunger and cramps were hard to distinguish, that's why I'm currently eating mini cheddars.

I don't think you're mean, cruel or made any terrible decision, he will survive the experience and not start googling for a therapist over breakfast. While I'm happy to do the odd one off after bedtime snack, I would be wary about them using it as an excuse.

We allow a before bed snack in our house. Both my children usually eat a good dinner but are hungry before bed. My eldest has always been one of those hungry, skinny kids. If he has a growth spurt he can put an amazing amount away, but can't fit it all in 3 meals a day. For the past week he's suddenly taken to cooking himself a fried egg on toast every evening.

Disclaimer - the bread is wholemeal. The pan is none stick and only requires a spray of oil. The toaster is Russel Hobbs

My younger one is different but does go through the odd stage where he requires porridge before bed and the equivalent of 2 breakfasts. Then he returns to normal.

I generally agree with sending a child to bed hungry if they don't eat their meal and you have warned them, BUT you 1. didn't warn and 2. then didn't give him a small snack sometime between dinner and bed (which dieticians recommend don't they? Mine did!)

Life sounds like a barrel of laughs in your house.

he ate the raisins, but left the carrot, apple and milk. Then at dinner he ate the chicken, greens and some of the root veg. He also didn't eat his piece of cheese or his little slice of fruit cake in his packed lunch, which also had juice, sandwhiches etc.

And he's definately not starved! He's bloody massive. He and his brother are the tallest in their year by quite some, and are well clad, as it were.

Lady maybe he just wants to eat when he's hungry?

Somedays, just some, people don't eat a set routine or ideal.

I don't believe you do all the time either.

If he's generally a good eater, then don't make food an issue.

By not giving him a snack when he wants to eat, you are doing just that.

p.s your offerings sound very healthy indeed, well done for making the effort on that front, many don't

Didn't see the sweet in sweet potato! Doesn't make much difference - he didn't eat the things anyway!
I still think I'd play it by ear -is this a one-off or not? Because if not, then maybe he does need to go to bed hungry for a night. It really won't kill him - a lot of the world's children have a whole lot less. If it is, and he was being genuine and not just playing silly beggars earlier, then feed him!

Interesting though - with regards to the snack, I deliberately wouldn't pack it with carbs to fill him up if I wanted him to eat a good dinner a couple of hours later, so I would stick with that carrots/apples combo. If dinner was going to be late I might change the snack and add in a hot cross bun or similar (because they were going 2 for 1 in Tescos tonight and I was hungry and got carried away and have too many - bun, anyone?) but mostly, I just want a snack to be a stop-gap, and not create a situation where he is properly full at dinner and then won't eat, and then is hungry again at bedtime.

I actually think there is a very telling sentence in a later post from OP where she mentions he didn't eat all his lunch either, because he wanted to play footie with his mates. I'd be seeing that as a possible indicator that he needs to learn that not eating because you think there is something more exciting happening is not the way forward - you'll end up hungry.

and I did warn him! I said I thought he should finish his dinner cos he'd be hungry later. Chipping, why say that? He stuck his head round the door, and I asked him what was wrong - he said he was hungry, and his tummy had rumbled - like, y'know he heard a sound coming from it. That could have been digestion. Loads of times people over eat thinking they are hungry, and all they need is a drink of water. I said words to this effect. and sent him of for a drink. How on earth does that make me the joyless harpy you portray....

marvellous post babybythesea

You did the right thing. You surly don't want DS appearing everynight saying, I'm huuuuugryyyyy and starting twin off. eat the food you are offered.

Just but it eating more important than exercise?

Who says it is and why?

I just don't get why one day, and you did say this is a one-off didn't you OP, that this is such an issue.

You have issues with food (for whatever reason) kids don't have the same obsession with it that adults (especially female adults do) so if he says he was hungry and he ate what you said he'd eaten, then he probably was!

First you say he can't eat because it wasn't the right time, then you say he might not have been hungry!

It seems very very controlling and a little odd to be honest.

Can't bloody type.

Deleted half my last post.

First sentence should say,but why is eating ...

p.s. FWIW I would rather my kids played footie with their friends than ate if that's what they wanted to do.

Eating can happen any time, playing footie with a group of friends can't

I don't think it's that odd - I think it's that lovely motherly side-effect of guilt kicking in.
Something happens that isn't quite what usually happens and you react as you think appropriate. Child isn't totally happy with result but isn't in any severe pain/discomfort etc etc.
Then you get two minutes to yourself and sit down and think 'Shit, I've done the wrong bloody thing. Poor mite is up there, slowly reabsorbing his own stomach and it's all my fault. [Stand up, head repentently for kitchen to sort out snack]. No, wait, he did it on purpose - he's fine. I'd be stupid to give in now - he'd play on this tomorrow and there'll be hell to pay - it's just one night, he'll survive [sit down again]. But on the other hand, what if I've done the wrong thing,and mis-read it and he really is ravenous? I knew it, I'm the worst crappy mother in the universe and now I'm starving my own kid... etc etc etc.

I can quite see how this becomes a big deal!

Doesn't it depend on where he is though Damn? If he's at home, then yes, he can play footie for as long as he likes and then head in for lunch and know he'll be fed. At school it doesn't work like that - they can't have kids popping out for meals all day because they didn't fancy eating at lunchtime. So there is a bit of a lesson to be learnt there - you have a settime to eat, and you need to eat a good amount then because it will be your last chance for a while. or you will be very hungry during afternoon school (and pity the teacher who has to deal with a class of starving kids)! So although I'm with you mostly - kids should get out and run around as a priority, there are still times when they have to understand that other things are a bit more important.

Yes baby he was at home when he asked for a snack, not at school.

Presumably he didn't eat at school and was hungry later; hungry when he was at home (after he missed his low-kcal dinner because he needed a poo and then just didn't fancy it) so could reasonably expect to have some food given.

In my opinion, there was no good reason for refusing it, as a one-off. I won't be convinced otherwise.

Grrr said veg and spud leaving DD2 comes in from Scouts.
"I'm hungry"
DH looks sympathetic, he's always hungry.
She got grapes and seemed quite happy.