to send my child to bed hungry?

[ladyfirenze]

dts 7 was offered snacks after school of raisins, apple and carrots with a glass of milk. He ate some raisins and turned down everything else. At five thirty he was served a roast dinner consisting of chicken, roast carrots and sweet potatoes, steamed mange tout and gravy. He sloped off for a poo during dinner and left his carrots and potatoes. I didn't push him to finish them, but I did say I thought he should. He's just got out of bed to tell me his tummy is rumbling and he's hungry. I've said he can have a drink of water and have sent him back to bed...... That's right isn't it.....

damn my striking out didn't work

I really didn't realise that people eat regularly at 5.30- how odd. If you fancy a glass of wine with your meal, do you have that at 5.30 too?

That's what I heard LaFilleSurLePont. I wouldn't put anything past those Europeans over there with their liberal attitudes.

"Bamboo, we all value our evenings/free time, don't we? None of us like to be disturbed without a good reason once the kids are in bed. Anyone who says otherwise is not being truthful."

God helpnyou when your kids are teenagers!

OP didn't say he had been awake asking for food since 6.30, he could have slept for a couple of hours and then woken up. If he woke asking for food and got water and then went back to sleep, then no harm done.

I've just had toast and beans and it's 10:30. Nothing like holding a black mass to really work up an appetite.

Agree with everything Tigerlilly said.

Also think the boy is probably genuinely peckish- he only had chicken and mangetout for his tea!

I'd have kept his unfinished dinner (yes, I believe in leftovers!) and if he woke up hungry would offer him a second go at that.
YANBU. But neither is it surprising that he'd be hungry. Seems like the goal is two-fold: 1, not to let him 'suffer' (using term v. loosely!) from hunger pangs when he should be sleeping'; and 2, not to encourage picky eating or declining dinner in order to get more attractive snack later. QED: give him the same dinner food again. If he's hungry enough, he'll eat it.

Tiger clearly the boy was awake?

Rainbow I don't mind being disturbed by my kids, hunger is a good enough reasons for me.

The child may well have gone to sleep now, not fed, but tired, not a memory of my mum I would want to have.

tigerlilly at poor language!

It's mumsnet. Would you like to see my MD and my PhD just to see that I can actually write? Why would setting my children a bedtime routine and and bathtime routine make me hypocritical? Where have I been hypocritical?

seeker I sometimes have a glass of wine with my tea, sometimes later when dd in bed.

Those of you who eat at 7, how does it work with small kids? dd is getting bathed and ready for bed at this time, she would be starving 6.30/7pm. If we want to eat later, I feed her earlier and eat alone with DH (often on Fridays), but in the week we like to eat as a family, so have a meal earlier.

I have read most of the thread and the posts I agree with are the ones which say to judge this incident on it's own merit, rather than worry too much about this as a chance to set in stone some rules-which-must-always-be-adhered-to.

Disclaimer: my dd is only just 3, so we haven't got to this stage yet. Maybe I'll change my mind.

My thinking is that his default thought process shouldn't become: I prefer biscuits/cake/toast to veg. Therefore I will leave substantial portions of my dinner, knowing I can get a tastier treat later on. If I thought there was an element of this in there, I would be firm about not offering snacks. In the same way,my dd will often refuse bits of her dinner and then ask for ice cream - the response is that you don't get to leave huge portions of pasta/rice/roast dinner and still have pudding. If you are hungry enough for pudding, you need to eat more of the main course.

The complication is the time delay - if he is genuine, did not feel hungry at dinner and now does, then no, you don't want him going hungry. So (helpfully) I don't know what to do in this situation, because I'm not looking at your son, I don't know what his eating is normally like, I don't know if he's the kind of child who will 'try it on' or not,and I don't know what his day has been like. All of those are things I think I'd be weighing up before I made a decision. If I gave him a snack I'd try to make it as boring as possible (rice cakes?!!) so that he didn't see 'late night snack' as a reason not to eat the meal you've cooked for him.

Utterly useless post - sorry!

I do the same to be honest, and my DSs are 14 and 11. They eat their tea and that's it until morning.

They have breakfast, buy a snack a breaktime at school, eat a good lunch, a snack after school and then a cooked tea too. The kitchen closes after tea in this house .

Nah. I would probably have given him something but it's hardly the worst thing in the world not so. As people have now said repeatedly, if it keeps happening it's more of a problem but not really as a one-off.

babybythesea not at all. The epitome of reasonableness, I thought.

But at 11 and 14 presumably if they want an apple or a cup of tea or some toast they just go and get it for themselves?

Seeker, when my DS is a teenager, he will be more than capable of getting himself a snack without disturbing me in my free time. Oh wait, he already does so, aged 9. It is not my job or imo that of any other parents to run around preparing tasty snacks for their children once they are in bed. Obviously, you are free to do this if you wish, but it is not necessary.

My eldest boy regularly has supper.

He is a growing boy, thin as whip, tall for his age and always hungry. He eats his evening meal and then again before bed. I will not make him go to bed hungry!

He also has likes and dislikes and raisins, carrots and apples as an after school snack is not filling. Followed by a dinner minus any appreciable amounts of complex carbs would leave him hungry.

Most things aren't necessary Rainbow!

Being a decent, loving,attentive parent who doesn't switch off for twelve hours at 7:30pm isn't necessary but it is certainly desirable.

TBF all my DC have milk and a snack(banana or toast) whilst we're tucked into my bed reading stories before bed for them. They even eat their dinnerapart from the youngest

Doesn't seem to be doing them any harm-or turning them into little fat people. Eat when you need to seems much more sensible re:eating issues than eat NOW because I tell you too, whether you want it or not...

he's had access to a darn sight larger amount of food than a lot of children in this country (and world).

He won't starve from 8pm til 7am when he is offered breakfast.

Don't worry about it; I'd have done the same.

Damn Bamboo-I think I love you!
Ye, Gods, there must be a full moon or something-there are some weird bods on tonight re control freakery over food/what it means to be a nurturing parent

God I must be an awful mother. My kids eat at 5 bed at 7!

Op YANBU IMO. I'd do the same.

To compare an adult snacking in the evening is odd too. And to call parents bullies because they do it differently? I am each to their own method. Bottom line is ops dc will not "starve" has probably never felt starvation a day in his life. We are their parents....we lead by example. It's up to you the example you would set.

I say it's wrong to judge, but OP you did post in AIBU where it's all people do!

Rainbowbrite- I think you will possibly have othr demands on your precious "free time" when they a teenagers.if you persist in thinking that you have "free time" in the evening as a parent, either you or your children wr in for w rude awakening!

delicious 'tis not a full moon tonight to my knowledge so fuck knows what's going on (pardon my vulgarities; I may pass this disgusting habit of swearing onto my kin)

d

DamnBamboo, I certainly am a decent, loving, attentive parent, as I am sure you are too. In no way have I criticised anyone else's parenting choices on this thread. I have given my honest opinion, which I am as entitled to as anyone else.

happy Most people who eat, anything really, during the day, won't starve for one night will they?

How many adults help themselves to something of an evening because they're awake and they're peckish?

Loads, I'm sure.

Most kids aren't awake so don't do this.

Some are and may be hungry and may not do this regularly as a habit; if this is the case, what sound reason, other than mean, control-freakery would anyone have to deny them?

I know it's kind of like this " I am the mum and these are the rules and you will not be given any food because I say so". Who the fuck does this as a one off to a hungry child after an afternoon/evening which consists of nothing but a bit of lean protein (chicken) and highly fibrous veg?