to send my child to bed hungry?

[ladyfirenze]

dts 7 was offered snacks after school of raisins, apple and carrots with a glass of milk. He ate some raisins and turned down everything else. At five thirty he was served a roast dinner consisting of chicken, roast carrots and sweet potatoes, steamed mange tout and gravy. He sloped off for a poo during dinner and left his carrots and potatoes. I didn't push him to finish them, but I did say I thought he should. He's just got out of bed to tell me his tummy is rumbling and he's hungry. I've said he can have a drink of water and have sent him back to bed...... That's right isn't it.....

yeah I know, it was tricky to get the right word there :) it's just understandably a sensitive subject for me, you know :)

FanjoFTM - it wasn't meant in an inflammatory or derogatory sense. Sorry if I touched a nerve.

no I know :) is cool, i was being a tad over-sensitive

FWIW - 'normal' is only relevant to statisticians and politicians - and MN sweeping polemics. Real kids never fit in these boxes.

i know :)

My DD IS quirky anyway! Off to take the munchkin to the dentist

Not going to read all ten pages, so sorry if repeating, but the op says he got OUT of bed so I imagine this is true hunger rather than delaying tactics to avoid going upstairs to bed in the first place.

Ds is a bit younger, 5.8, he has snack after school, tea about half 5 but always needs another snack about half 7 before bed. It's usually crackers and a little bit of cheese, oatcakes or a yoghurt. Seems to help him settle better.

Plus, a lot of my generation, me included were taught to clear our plates and not "waste" food - and most, myself included, have gone on to have lifelong challenges with food and weight battles. I would far rather ds listens to his natural instincts and stops eating when full ( he just wont eat at all if he is heading towards daily poo time too) than be forced to eat a large meal all at once then be hungry two hours later and denied food then. I think kids of early primary school age tend to be more little and often snackers as they use up energy so fast.

Ok, so a common argument here is that, as adults, we sometimes get hungry after tea so why be mean to a child who is hungry at bedtime? Well, I sometimes like to drink wine with my husband and watch a horror film in the evening- should I therefore involve my child in that too?! I accept that if it was a one off then perhaps benefit of the doubt and a warning that it won't be allowed again would suffice (a child shouldn't be rewarded for not eating their tea - where are the consequences of that?) but generally surely it is better, healthier and kinder to your child to have a clear structure to their life and for them to know and understand their boundaries? It's been said that 14 hours is a long time to go without food - that is why breakfast is called what it is ... breaking the FAST of sleep. For those who condone a child wanting food when they want it, would they also be so keen to make toast and hot chocolate at 1am because they are so kind? Kindness isn't always about doing what your child wants when your child wants it as you are preparing them for the real world. Sometimes a bit of tough love is the kindest thing you can do.

as adults, we sometimes get hungry after tea so why be mean to a child who is hungry at bedtime? Well, I sometimes like to drink wine with my husband and watch a horror film in the evening- should I therefore involve my child in that too?!

No because that would be stupid

Ridiculous example.

No, he may not feel comfortable but he won't come to any harm, maybe milk only?

I let ds go to bed last night without eating his food, again it was a nicely cooked dinner which he ate one piece of broccoli and small piece of garlic bread. I gave him plenty time, and then again at 7 offered dinner he said no no.

730 I'm hungry, too late he went off to bed with juice. He has eaten everything today. He is 5. I gave him a talk about eating food at the right times.

Be firm, no nonsense you here. Don't give him biscuits fgs = if I whine enough or refuse I get xyz, rod for own back IMO.

Yes indeed it is and I deliberately chose a ridiculous example to make the point that children aren't "mini adults" who should be allowed to mirror our behaviour. If you are an adult who snacks at night that is your choice (explains why obesity is such a problem in this country) but it doesn't mean it's ok to impose it on your children. I can't believe I'm not a 'kind' mother because I don't allow my children to turn their nose up at a lovingly cooked nutritious meal only to feed them toast when they should be asleep. If they were poorly then, yes, some flexibility is definitely called for but, if not, then no way! When your children are at school and don't eat their lunch, but cry later in class that they are hungry, do you think the 'kind' teachers will say "oh dear never mind little one - here, have some toast, forget Maths". No they WON'T because that's life and that's what you are supposed to be preparing them for. I suppose that's another 'ridiculous example' too?

I agree. I was thinking about this 'food issues' thing tonight when I insisted my kids eat their brocolli (they only had 2 tiny florets each, and it is one of their favourite veg). I thought: "Am I setting them up to hate vegetables in later life or am I teaching them that eating veg is important?". If kids don't want to clean their teeth, we don't say, "That's ok." Because cleaning teeth is important and hopefully the fact I insist on it will convey that. If kids don't want to go to school one day we don't say, "Ok, don't go then" in case they get put off school. (Obviously you would investigate why they didn't want to go, but not give into it.) I don't understand (genuinely) why food is different. Having observed some of my friends, I think I have a very healthy attitude to food. I enjoy it and see it as one of life's little pleasures (sweet, savoury, anything tasty)! I don't obsess about dieting, I have never been on a diet. I eat healthily except cake. I am surprised at the number of my friends who are a bit weird (imo) about food. I hope to pass this onto my kids. Food is something to be enjoyed, not abused, to eat healthily but not obessively, and not to freak out over food. Maybe I'm going the wrong way about it, but I'm just doing all the things my parents did with me.

God I don't get this at all.

The boy was hungry at bed time

It's not bloody Oliver Twist.

Let him have something.

"he's always famished after school, sohe was hungry, I'm sure of it. He just couldn't be bothered to eat the food, if you get what I mean

"....also he's a twin - his brother, who ate the offered snacks, and his full dinner is asleep in bed. So, it's not fair on him either - brother doesn't do eating when he's meant to, and is allowed up later for food. I don't feel bad at all on the one hand. I'm shocked at the soft touches out there"

Barking. Utterly barking, and controlling too.

Cab we start a thread please on:

"My DS won't SHIT when he's supposed to. AIBU to forbid him from shitting when he feels like it, and not according to my routine?"

Why's it barking though lapsed? I really wanna know. Why is it ok to eat whenever you like, but not to clean your teeth whenever you like, or get dressed whenever you like (within a half hour timeslot in our house anyway as we have to leave the house) etc. etc.

I just really don't understand the difference. The difference with poo is you can't choose when to do it so there is a REALLY ridiculous example. With eating, getting dressed, doing homework etc. you are entirely in control of yourself and can choose whether to or not. Isn't it good to teach kids to eat at certain times? When they will eat something nutritious (see Footprintsinthesnow's excellent post earlier today).

Gooshka

Im not talking about a child 'turning their nose up' at a meal then getting toast later.

Thats not what happened with the OPs child either.

You're choosing stupidly extreme examples, so yes another ridiculous example.

He did turn his nose up at it. He went off to do a poo (which is very normal in our house) and then came back and didn't eat half the meal! And Gooshka's examples about school are entirely appropriate. If your kids don't eat their lunch at the time the evil and controlling school set it at, when do they eat it?

Marigold you're asking why it's not acceptable to make children eat veg - it's not, within reason that children, just like adults, have particular tastes. I'm sure no one makes you eat every veg in the spectrum so as long as you aren't playing double standards...I think children are not allowed preferences, which a shame as no one is sitting over your shoulder looming at you to finish liverwurst bc "it's good for you" (insert whatever you particularly hate there)

Sorry - it *is reasonable within parameters.

So, is it ok to make them eat brocolli when they eat it happily 9/10 but because they left it till last (all the rest was too nice obviously!). Not like making them eat liver or hot curry or something they hate. I think kids are allowed too many preferences (mine are anyway). Don't like this, don't like that. We have a repertoire of about 5 meals which they all like.

Seriously, if parents didn't encourage it, or enforce it, most kids would choose never to eat veg. I wouldn't bother with it either except for the fact I know it is necessary and optimal to eat it! But, you get used to it! Same as cleaning the toilet, brushing teeth, emptying bin, taking makeup off, going to work, none really pleasant, but necessary if you want to live well. Maybe there is some school of thought that thinks if you just put veg in front of them, but never mention it and just remove it and throw it away, one day they will start eating it. Can't be bothered with the waste though, and more productive and quicker results to just say 'eat that broccoli or no cake"! Can't help thinking that it is those that let kids choose what they want to eat and when, that have the food issues, not those with set mealtimes and balanced meals.

No one is talking about school meals though.

I really dont get why some parents feel the need to exert unnecessary control over childrens eating patterns, of course regular mealtimes is right, but I dont get the need for rigidity at all times.

Whatever anyway my children eat healthily and wont have issues with food in the future.

Good luck to all you food nazis.

Yabu hope he got fed

Seriously, if parents didn't encourage it, or enforce it, most kids would choose never to eat veg

All my children eat veg, I never forced it onto them, never treated it as the 'horrible but must be eaten anyway' foodstuff.

Too much fuss over what they eat when they are small causes food/eating issues.

Dish up, sit down, eat. no need to hover over their plate saying 'eat up your cauliflower' just get on with yours and let them do the same.

No 'eat your veg and you'll get pudding' either. just. eat.

You'll soon find out what they like/dislike.

All 3 of mine love brussell sprouts, they dont get why some people see them as a 'nasty' veg..I wonder why?

At 7 years old, my dd1 was going to sleep about 9pm, she wasn't tired earlier. It would be ridiculous to feed her at 5.30 (waaaay too early for last meal of the day) and then get angry if she was hungry at 7.30 or 8. If you are that fussed about them eating the meal, reserve the left-overs heated up on this one occasion and offer them again. Or give them a glass of milk, some cut up apple and maybe a biscuit like the generations before them.

Amberleaf, sounds great, I do the same, but it's worth noting they have bred brussell sprouts to be much sweeter and not as bitter as the ones from our childhood, same with carrots. A lot of veg now isn't nearly as green/bitter to eat which is why children yum it up.