to think this is a bit off and should I try to help ?

[OhdearNigel]

NDN leaves her two children (about 22 months and 8 months respectively) locked in their bedrooms to scream for an hour every day so she can have some time to herself. She thinks it makes them independant and realise that Mummy is not there all the time - I have heard it every night for nearly 2 years so clearly this is not working and it's very distressing to listen to them both crying. The eldest gets so hysterical calling for Mummy that you can hear that awful gasping breathing that they do when they are really upset.

AIBU to think that (a) this is not normal behaviour (b) is this something that my other neighbour (my friend, her DD is 2.5) and I should try and help with ? We both have very different opinions on the topic to NDN and my neighbour has tried giving her some advice which has fallen on deaf ears. We thought about inviting her over for coffee and play at my house but not really sure whether we really want to get involved.

I think going to her HV would be overreacting but then could this be a sign of PND and it might help ? Her DS has cerebral palsy so things have been very difficult for her.

I feel as if I should not just sit by but I don't know how to approach things

ll31 - I mean that they don't put her to bed sometimes until 10. I know that because she says that she doesn't know how to get into a routine

And that is why I asked for advice, because I thought I might be overreacting. if I'd thought I was absolutely right I wouldn't be poncing around on here asking for opinions, would I ?

Some people read far too much into things

Well when my son was that age he generally went to bed at 10 - what exactly is wrong with toddler going to bed at ten - sorry having read later you sound very reasonable - I just wonder are you sure that she's a) doing what you think remembering that its just hearsay that she supposedly said she was. I'd talk to HV I think

And I am sure of what's happening
because she told the other neighbour what she was doing

and our walls are thin - I can hear what they are watching on the TV

You have absolutely done the right thing emailing your CPT friend for advice. I feel for those poor kids. Please let us know the outcome.

Thankyou for all your advice, I'll keep you posted. Off to watch Call the Midwife in teh bath

"because she told the other neighbour what she was doing" - says the other neighbour ...

I have been the victim of false accusations to SS, and generally, I wouldn't wish the rigmarole we went through on anyone.
However, in this case I think someone needs to be brought in. SS will take it seriously, one of the accusations made against me was that DS "sometimes" cried for "up to 30 minutes" at night, and they suggested he was in his cot alone (he wasn't, he was poorly and I was with him), but they still took that as a serious enough reason to send someone around for a chat.
If the mother honestly thinks that what she is doing is an acceptable way to "teach independence" then surely she will tell the SW that and the SW will explain that it isn't acceptable and she needs to stop. If there is some innocent explanation, then that will come out.

I wouldn't feel comfortable reporting this to SS on the basis of 3rd hand hearsay re:children being locked in their rooms. Agree with people's princess that it doesn't sound a great break for the mother to hear an hour of screaming. Also as another poster has pointed out sometimes children with SN do cry a lot, even if someone is with them to soothe them

it's not the child with SN that is the one doing the crying. There is nothing wrong with the eldest daughter, she was prem but no issues now.

I know how long they are left to cry for - because our walls are so thin that I can hear the door opening and them speaking to her when they eventually do in.

There is no reason for my other neighbour to lie, she is as concerned about the situation as I am, we have been wondering about it for a while and last time she saw NDN she tried to make conversation about the crying to try and help her

Something needs to be done.

It really isn't normal for even a CC child to scream for hours every night for a year or more.
Even neglected children learn after a matter of weeks that crying gets them nowhere.

The fact that you can hear them through the walls for hours on end really is troubling me. I think there may be more to this.

Hi OP, I sent you a PM about the organised thread. Not nagging (I hope), just wondering if you had spotted it in your inbox - I never spot mine not that I get many. Anyway if you can't do it or cba that's fine but just thought I would ask :)

Let us know what advice you are given tomorrow!

It doesn't sound right and you've done the right thing by emailing your friend.

What about confronting her about the crying, in a you've heard the crying, she must be exhausted with 2 under 2, is there anything you can do to help, sort of way?