to think this is a bit off and should I try to help ?

[OhdearNigel]

NDN leaves her two children (about 22 months and 8 months respectively) locked in their bedrooms to scream for an hour every day so she can have some time to herself. She thinks it makes them independant and realise that Mummy is not there all the time - I have heard it every night for nearly 2 years so clearly this is not working and it's very distressing to listen to them both crying. The eldest gets so hysterical calling for Mummy that you can hear that awful gasping breathing that they do when they are really upset.

AIBU to think that (a) this is not normal behaviour (b) is this something that my other neighbour (my friend, her DD is 2.5) and I should try and help with ? We both have very different opinions on the topic to NDN and my neighbour has tried giving her some advice which has fallen on deaf ears. We thought about inviting her over for coffee and play at my house but not really sure whether we really want to get involved.

I think going to her HV would be overreacting but then could this be a sign of PND and it might help ? Her DS has cerebral palsy so things have been very difficult for her.

I feel as if I should not just sit by but I don't know how to approach things

I think he must do, Melted. Although he does work some latish hours I think he's usually here by 7ish

She is teaching them that their room and bed is where something nasty happens, and will only continue to get bad reactions from them. Silly silly.

I think DH would probably divorce me if I treated dd like this...I would certainly think about it were he to.

We are on holiday next week, when we get back I'm going to invite her over wtih the kids to play with other NDD

Haven't read all the thread, but I would contact social services.

I think you have done the right thing to bring this to someone's attention,

but, wrt the baby, some forms of CP are associated with very painful muscle spasms, so babies with the condition can scream a lot without neglect being a factor.

Barbarian, I don't hear the baby quite so much, it's the toddler that's always crying.

Leaving children to scream in their room for 5 mins is occasionally necesary, but ermmm she's leaving a child with CP locked in a room to scream for an hour a day? [Shock]
Please do phone SS, it sounds like she needs some support quickly. Those poor kids :(

I can hear her at the moment - we live in a 3 storey house, she is on the top floor of next door, I am on the ground floor of mine and I can hear her crying

The problem with phoning ss is that she is not actually harming them

debateable

How can any mother put her children in such distress and ignore their screams? This is not normal, it's cruel and there is something wrong with her to be able to do that. She's obviously not coping, it's sad if she has nobody to give her a break, exhaustion can drive people insane.

Maybe you could try to help her by minding the kids for that hour and if that doesn't work call hv, if you don't want to get involved is there anybody else who can help or are there any groups in your area?

Personally, I'd exhaust all options before calling social services. It would be far more damaging for the children to have their family split up and placed in care (foster care is horrible) and it is cruel to punish a mother with the loss of her children for not coping when all she needs is a bit of help.

Go over there, why on earth would you ignore her if you can hear her cry, she's obviously upset and probably just needs someone to talk to.

Erm, because I am home on my own with my own DD ? I meant the toddler is crying, not NDN

Might have read that wrong, was that the mother crying? I'd go talk to her anyway

Sorry about that baby distracting me

I think everyone is being kind to the husband here too. He must be home at this time on a Sun, he's just as much to blame.

I'd call SS too, HVs are useless in my experience and will only involve SS anyway, so as someone said earlier, you may as well cut out the middleman.

I meant physically harming!! See, I said so up there ^^

Who said anything about SS being childcathers? However, do do and have made mistakes. I'm surprised that you are even on here asking for advice as you clearly know so much in your job and all that. How can this have been going on for two years when the oldest is 22 months? Fishy.

I don't agree with CIO or CC either. motherearth

Yeah, there's clearly something afoot at the Circle K.

You'd have to be pretty disjointed from reality to consider listening to your children screaming themselves sick for an hour constituted a relaxing break.

Please please please contact ss tomorrow, God I feel sick reading that - and please update us ok? X

if you'd bothered to read my original post properly instead of jumping on the "mind your own business you interfering, overreacting busybody" viewpoint you would note that I said
"- I have heard it every night for nearly 2 years "

I believe that 22 months could be considered as nearly 2 years, being only 2 months' shy

sounds awful but I wonder how sure you are that what is happening is what you describe - however would say it to hv. Am a bit taken aback at your "someimes the girl is up at 9-10 pm" - wouldn't have thought that was unusual for 22 months or babies depending on how they sleep or dont - tbh it does make me perhaps unfairly question your whole attitude to her..

And the point I was trying to make about my job is that at work it's cut and dried. When it's your neighbour and things aren't involving actually illegal abuse it's difficult to know what to do.

But don't let that you stop having a pop