Breastfeeding best for baby but VERY stressful for me and rest of family?! bit of a rant!

[glamourmama]

Does anyone else feel slightly exasperated at the demand of feeding on demand? My ds is 4 weeks old (yes I know he is still very young and Bf is still getting established etc) however I have a 7 year old dd who is feeling a bit pushed out of joint (totally understandable) she has gone from havin a happy energetic happy mum giving lots of positive attention to a sleep deprived grump who constantly has to break away to feed ds. She is playing up but I can tell she feels very insecure I'm not helping by snapping and getting cross (not helped by being exhausted from bf in the night every 2 hours. Sick of my house being a tip (no time to tidy up either) sick of looking like shit (no time to have more than a 5 minute shower) hair completely caked in dry shampoo. All I do is nag dp to do jobs then comlain they not done properly! And if I rested whilst my baby did I would never get done all that needs doing or have any time with dd at all! I love bf and enjoy sitting and snuggling ds whilst he feeds but wish I could still do other things mainly with dd. Does anyone else feel a huge difference between feeding first child and then have difficulties with subsequent children? Or do I just need to get a grip!

Isn't that just normal life with a newborn whether breastfeeding or not?

I thought so too but 2 friends who are bottle feeding seem to be feeding every 4 hours and babies sleeping 5-6 hrs at night (my idea of heaven!) They seem to be getting on much better and getting out and about. Maybe its all a pretence and behind closed doors its a different story...

Breast feeding is almost always best for baby, but not always best for every family, only you can know what's best for your situation. That said, it does get a lot easier at about 6 weeks, babies seem to hit their stride with feeding and sleeping about that time, and also you will be able to express and introduce a bottle so if you can find someone else to feed your baby, you could grab some time with your older child then, or even have your dd feed him, which kids generally love to do as it makes them feel grown up. Slings are great for getting housework done, and if all else fails, you could try mixed feeding. No reason to
Give up totally unless you want to.

Totally yanbu. Have just bought Close baby sling in an attempt to have both hands free to help DS (3) with things. Apparently you can feed in it as well. My DD takes around an hour at each feed as she will have one boob, fall asleep and then demand the other one after about 15 mins. I feel like a milk machine with greasy hair and no social life! We'll see if its any good.

Well, the big difference is, no oneelse can feed the baby, unless you express...

I so do understand where you are! DS1 was only 2+ when DD was born, but she was a nightmare feeder. DB came to visit when she was a few weeks old. I opened the door and cried. He asked what was the matter and told me that this can't go on. So I did mixed feeding for a few months. It just needed someone to "give me permission" to do that. That was much better for me and the rest of the family.

I do hope you manage to find a way that is the best for you and your family. Good luck.

Glamour - and your friends are orob up longer with babies having to make up/ heat bottles and faff around. I've got a 12 and 4 year old and dd is 3 months today. It gets easier, and your 7 year old had you exclusively got 7 years. That's a long time and your baby roll never have that. You are doing a fantastic thing by bfing, ignite what your friends babies are doing as their baby is not yours. A newborn is a huge adjustment and things will settle down, but will never be like it was before as you now have another dc

There was another thread regarding exactly this earlier, can't find it now, the the general consensus was its the baby, not the feeding method.

And glamour - yep I reckon it's a pretence and behind closed doors very different. Hate competitive parenting

Could you try things like getting a sling to feed the baby in/hold the baby and still have hands free to do things with your older child?

Are you co-sleeping at night? The big benefit of breastfeeding is that you don't have to get up at night to feed and can sleep through feeds!

Also, I don't know anyone who was bottle feeding who had a baby that went 4 hours between feeds and slept 6 hours at night at 4 weeks either! So your friends seem unusually lucky.

If you express, your daughter can be more involved as she can help to feed. If you switch to formula, then fine too. Its YOUR body, and YOUR family. I really dont see the point in wearing yourself out so much trying to BF when there is a choice which would mean you would feel so much healthier yourself too.

I am of the opinion that a FF happy baby and a mum who can have more of a break is better than a run down exhausted mum.

It is true that bottle feeding is still a faff, and the other DC may well still resent time spent with the newborn. But other people being able to feed the baby is an advantage

It can be hard early on, but I really do think that is as much to do with your baby as it is the method of feeding. Also how much help you can get with other things, such as spending time with DC1, housework, looking after the baby in between feeds etc.

Does your DH support you BF? Could you ask him for more help, such as tidying the house in the evenings so it is reasonably tidy the next day? Or keep one room tidy for some sanity so you have somewhere tidy to sit?Holding the baby so you can do bathtime with your DD? Can you feed the baby and read DD a bedtime story at the same time? Can a relative cook some meals that can go in your fridge/freezer or can your DH cook simple meals for you both?

I agree a sling can help, especially if you can learn to feed hands free in it. I had a Moby wrap and it was a real life saver as DD would not be put down at all (even for a walk in her pram) for 2 months and I have a DS aged 7 with Downs Syndrome as well as two older DC.

just take it one day at a time, that's all you can do with breastfeeding, imo :)

Having exclusively Bf my first and now mix feeding my second I find bottles a hell of a lot easier. I still don't get much sleep (dd is six weeks) but she is on a decent 3 to 4 hourly feeding schedule. I bf before most of the bottles, apart from the 11pm, when I try to already be in bed. Having that one semi long stretch of sleep really helps.

could you either EBM or FF a bottle for your partner to feed in the night so you can catch up on some sleep

Glamour, I could have written your post!

Ds is 3wks old and dd is 5. Ds has silent reflux, latches on badly no matter what I do and is full of wind. I'm bloody shattered.... Had the worst night of his little life.

I've bought a wrap style sling and hope to try it out later when ds isn't so stressy.

I agree with whoever said its the baby. Ds is my 4th (eldest two are grownup & left home) and if he wasn't, I think I'd be doubting myself by now.

I've just sterilised the syringe etc for his Gaviscon, and have bunged a dummy in to try. Worth a go!

Thank you everyone feel much better already! Havin crappy day dd was in tears feelin I don't cuddle her and sayin she wished she never was born (is that normal ) it broke my heart I think the main issue is the guilt I feel. She was so excited when I was preg but doesn't seem happy at all. She loves ds and never shows resentment to him, its all directed at me. Also argued with dp (lots of small things) I express 2 bottles a day one of which dp gives at nite which is great help. Dp goin bk to wrk 2moz and says he will be too tired to continue giving bottle at night (is that unreasonable!??) Might wait til week 6 and giv the odd formula bottle if still the same. I mix fed dd successfully from 8 weeks. I feel like a new mum all over again. This website has been a real life line, iv completely abandoned facebook! I do feel the idea of bf and how it is 'sold' to you in leaflets etc is nothing like the reality. I understand it needs to be positively promoted to encourage people to do it as bf rates are so low in this country but maybe if they were a bit more realistic about the difficulties (practical ones) people might not feel so disheartened and want to give up? Just a thought.

Glamour, if you want to stop BF, give yourself permission to do so.

I wish I had stopped earlier than I did.

I got tired, run down, narky with DP, lost a lot of weight and more than anything, I just felt the weight of responsibity soooo strongly. No one but me could do it, I felt as though I was all alone in caring for DD. Yes, I know, there were lots of ways that DP could have (and did) help me, but it wasn't enough. Whether i wasnt physically strong enough / mentally strong enough / didnt have enough support, i really dont know

I'm not going to say is long I BF for (unless you want me to in which case I'll PM you) because it then becomes a oneupmanship of people saying "Well i found it really hard but kept going for 5 days/weeks/months/years" etc. Only you can know how hard it is for you.

Totally agree the difficulties of BF aren't explained. or the risks - my daughter lost a dangerous amount of weight, which is why i'm mix feeding. I was BFing non stop for the first two weeks but it wasn't enough. fortunately I am comfortable with my decision to mix feed and the medical advice behind it. others are made to feel guilty or have their own sense of guilt.

P.s harrassed let me know how sling goes please my sis had a papoose thing called a carry me which she used loads. Moneys a bit tight so don't want to buy lots of equptment I won't use so a recommendation would be appreciated. Thanks again for support. Can't talk to many people in real world my dm is alreasy alarmed by dd being so upset and makes me feel even more guilty plus she bought up 4 of us and we ALL slept through and were ALL ebf etc! I work at a childrens centre with struggling families (the irony of me not coping would not be lost on colleagues) and am determined not to become a baby bore to friends!

My dd is reacting in a similar way. No resentment to ds, who she absolutely adores, but its me getting the flack. She's had me in years on more than one occasion.

OK, just to respond to your last post - there are regular threads on here about whether or not DPs should do a night feed, I don't think there's a simple answer to it and a lot depends on what kind of work he does, when you would expect him to feed, etc.

What I would say though is if your DP isn't going to do a night feed then there's not much point in expressing a bottle which you will then give the baby, IYSWIM, same with introducing formula - if these things aren't going to give you a break then little point in doing it.

Your DD sounds completely normal . Where it might be worth introducing a bottle is at tea-time/early evening - could your DP do a bottle then which would give you one on one time with your DD?

I'm not on a soapbox here by any means and you should absolutely do what's right for you and your whole family - including DD - but if you are still going to be the person doing the majority of the feeds then bottle feeding isn't going to help you out, really.

And honestly? I don't believe your mates . They can't both have miracle babies.

Massive hugs to you and bf does get massively easier after 6 weeks by the way...

Poor you. I would consider - how long are you up for in the night and do you get back to sleep easily afterwards? (My experience was - I FF my ds and found at 4 weeks or so he woke only once or twice, but I was up longer and felt more tired every morning than with my BF baby, who woke frequently and co-slept often).

Also - try to imagine how you will really feel if you stop - relieved or not? And what will you be able to do with your dd that is impossible now?

Hope things improve for you soon.