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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want to baby sit someone else's child in a cafe?

73 replies

Molehillmountain · 21/01/2012 15:29

Was having my only hour in the week just with dd1 and treated her to a drink and cake in a nice cafe. We'd done some drawing, and we're playing eye spy. Some child we dont know comes over and we chat a bit, then start looking round for parents. They are in a group, chatting. See me wave then carry on. He starts using our drawing stuff. I'm really sorry, but I then focussed on dd1 and pretty much ignored him. Mum came over eventually, said nothing except, ooh have you been drawing, put the crayons away, but gave me a filthy look. Aibu to think that I don't have to look after her child beyond a few mins and that I wasnt horrible?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2012 15:32

Are you sure she gave you a filthy look?

Really?

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 15:33

well, I dunno, you sound a bit po-faced to me

you were in a public place

a little boy came over to play with your dd for a few minutes

why did you find that so terrible ?

if you don't want to interact with the unwashed masses general public in your dd time, stay at home

Lueji · 21/01/2012 15:36

I have always encouraged other children to play with DS and vice versa.
Most people have also been v nice to DS including childless people.

Not sure why you ignored a child, even if its parents were bu.

FlopStar · 21/01/2012 15:38

I think your name suits you.

Salmotrutta · 21/01/2012 15:40

Gosh.

Small children to tend to be attracted to other small children.

Bit mean to ignore him - and I think you know that.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/01/2012 15:41

Your name is quite apt. or was it chosen for this thread?

If you were that bothered, why didn't you just take him back to his Mum and tell her that you were having special time with your DD and don't want other children spoiling that

Why do you only spend one hour a week with your DD on her own?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/01/2012 15:41

... and it's not babysitting.

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 21/01/2012 15:41

If you really didn't want the child there you could have nicely told him to go and find his parents, I have to do that quite often with a child at soft play who is there at the same time as me regularly and tries to help herself to my DD's snack. I agree that the parents shouldn't really have just assumed that it was okay for their child to come and sit with you though.

RuleBritannia · 21/01/2012 15:42

It wouldn't have hurt the visiting child's mother to say 'thank you', would it? To begin with, if it had been my child I would have fetched it back for intruding on someone else's space.

FollowTheVan · 21/01/2012 15:43

I think you were mean

TunipTheVegemal · 21/01/2012 15:43

other child's parents bad mannered but ignoring a child is just mean.

ZeldaUpNorth · 21/01/2012 15:47

Chipping in, I have 3 dd's and have no family here to take the 2 younger ones so i can spend time with dd1. I get dd3 to myself on a morninf while dd2 is at nursery, dd3 has a nap on an afternoon so have dd2 on her own, but poor dd1 never gets me to herself.

ViolaCrayola · 21/01/2012 15:54

Why can't it still be nice time with your DD if another child is there for a few minutes? Personally I would have seen it as another part of the experience to chat about.
I agree that it was a public place and your reaction makes you sound mean spirited. I think it's nice when children who don't know each other interact and aren't odd like many grown ups are about chatting with strangers

OurPlanetNeptune · 21/01/2012 15:55

I don't understand why you would ignore a child. If you did not want him there tell him to go back to his family.

For what it's worth, when this has happened to us, we go with the flow. My sons enjoy the company of other children. My sons, as young as they are, would think it dreadful if I ignored a child who was just being friendly.

YABU.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/01/2012 15:56

Zelda (are you molehillmountain?) can't you put the younger two to bed earlier and have some time with DD1 in the evenings? I don't actually remember getting much/any time specifically alone with either parent once siblings came along, but at the same time never noticed it, if you know what I mean. They were always there if I wanted/needed anything...

Feminine · 21/01/2012 16:00

You sound a bit mean.

Why couldn't you have just chatted with the little boy too?

Fuss over nothing IMO...in fact, it is such a non-event that I am surprised you found the energy to convey it here!

helpyourself · 21/01/2012 16:02

Blimey, you're going to drive yourself mad if you try and keep tabs on the time you spend with each and make it fair.

You should be able to make the eldest feel special because you can talk about different things/in a different way than with the babies.

ZeldaUpNorth · 21/01/2012 16:02

No i'm not molehill. Lol. I have been trying to do that lately, there's a programme she likes to watch glee so we watch that together when its on. just feeling a bit guilty about it thats all. But then i think well she had me to herself for 4 years before dd2 came along...

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2012 16:02

Even if the kid was bugging the shite out of me I wouldn't have ignored him because you've set a very bad example to your child I'm afraid.

CurlyBoy · 21/01/2012 16:03

TBH, I have done the same. Frankly I'm not interested in other people's children (unless I know them of course) and have often ignored stray kids coming up to me and my little boy. Sure, I'd say "hi' or something but if the child tries to engage me I focus on my kid exclusively. Parents are responsible for their own. I wouldn't want a stranger playing with my boy on the off chance he wandered away, I'd want them to send him right back to his family. I think YANBU.

SucksToBeMe · 21/01/2012 16:05

You ignored a child? Jeez.....

verytellytubby · 21/01/2012 16:07

Hardly babysitting. You sound a barrel of laughs.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2012 16:08

I think if I grew up seeing my Mum behaving like that to other children I'd think a bit less of her to be honest.

I don't like other people's kids generally, but I still wouldn't have ignored him.

If my meal arrived while he was sitting at the table, I would have told him to go back to his Mum while we eat...but that's about it.

ViolaCrayola · 21/01/2012 16:08

Curlyboy - is this really the world you we live in now? Children should not interact with other children/adults in public spaces beyond saying 'hi'? How sad.

Fiendishlie · 21/01/2012 16:14

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