Not to want to baby sit someone else's child in a cafe?

[Molehillmountain]

Was having my only hour in the week just with dd1 and treated her to a drink and cake in a nice cafe. We'd done some drawing, and we're playing eye spy. Some child we dont know comes over and we chat a bit, then start looking round for parents. They are in a group, chatting. See me wave then carry on. He starts using our drawing stuff. I'm really sorry, but I then focussed on dd1 and pretty much ignored him. Mum came over eventually, said nothing except, ooh have you been drawing, put the crayons away, but gave me a filthy look. Aibu to think that I don't have to look after her child beyond a few mins and that I wasnt horrible?

You can't win in these situations - if you'd been chatty to the child and encouraged him to stay this might also be frowned upon. I've been in situations at the park before where someone else's child has asked me to lift them out of the swing. I've asked them to shout for their mummy to lift them out - no way would I put myself at risk in the society we live in. If my child wandered off to another table in a cafe and started using their crayons etc I'd be straight over apologising and would bring my child back (unless, of course, they said "oh it's ok, let him play" or words to those effect). I don't think I could blatantly ignore a child but I would be a little annoyed that the child's mother hadn't checked with me that I minded entertaining him while she continued chatting to her friends. Yes, it's just an innocent child and, yes, it's healthy for children to interact/share but on your own terms surely! I'd be pissed off if I was looking forward to some quality time with my own child only to have to accommodate another without choosing to. Although not 'babysitting' as such, if that child is sat at your table and falls off his chair/chokes on a pen top or whatever, then
who would feel responsible? So, in conclusion, no I actually don't think you are being unreasonable.

The opposite has happened to me.
DS ignoring the child and me trying to show him how to make friends with strangers.

Not that I particularly like other children.

Hopefully I have taught him how to be polite and friendly. :)

Gooshka, totally understand you. What if a meteor hit the table?

arf

Exactly - can't be too careful

You were not babysitting him though, his parents were at the next table. Your attitude is very sad though.

My child has no siblings, so if we're out on our own, i quite like when other children come up for a bit of interaction. It's nice. I played Simon Says with a cluster of about 10 pre-schoolers, when we were out having sunday dinner the other week. I managed not to fall on any and squash them.
I don't mind other peoples children.
In small doses .

YANBU to feel a bit annoyed. YABU to ignore the child.

I have this with a little boy and his dad in our local park. The little boy always wants to play with us/borrow DS's scooter/play with our ball/asks me to push him in the swing etc while the dad completely ignores him and reads his paper.

I feel a bit sorry for the little lad so I always encourage my kids to play with him, but at the same time I do feel a bit annoyed with the dad who's having a lovely relaxing time reading his paper while I'm running around after my two and his son like a blue arsed fly!

Would never take my annoyance out on the little boy by ignoring him though.

It would have been nice if the mother had asked/ said thank you been friendly rather than just assumed it was ok. I wd have done. I have had similar situations in the park BrightonMama, sometimes with kids whose parents were nowhere to be seen. Some parents think that because it is their own child no-one else is going to mind what they do. It is nice when other kids join in most of the time and that's often how we meet other parents but it is the assumption that can be annoying so I understand how Molehill was maybe feeling. I wouldn't worry about it though. Just enjoy your DD while she's still at the drawing stage!

I would have played for a few minutes and took him back to his Mother. His Mother should put her DS first not socialising. In that case his Mother was a bit rude.

Flip me, I read responses, got upset, reread my op, agreed with responses and now award myself a ! And it is a pretty accurate account. Pretty much ignored doesn't mean I didn't speak to him at all, just didn't ask him many questions. What's the difference? Not much - I need to remember who the adult was .

Oh Mole don't beat yourself up, sometimes, with the best will in the world your just not up for other peoples children.

I just re-read my post and i sound like Mary Poppins, forgot that i'd drank half a bottle a glass of wine that day and was feeling warm and fuzzy!.

YABU imo. I don't see the problem the mother was there but just not following the child round. He wasn't doing anything wrong - just trying to talk to people. You weren't in the mood for talking to the child so didn't - a bit miserable imo. If it was me dd would have been talking to the child and drawing with them and having a lot more fun than she would have with just me. She is very sociable and often ends up with new friends as a result of situations like that.

I don't think you were horrible. He wandered over, you chatted to him for a bit and then when he started drawing with your things, you let him. I can't see why the mother had to come over and give you a filthy look.

The mother was definitely unreasonable if she gave you a filthy look but are you sure she did?

She probably gave you the filthy look because you were so obviously ignoring him when all he was trying to do was interract with your daughter, just like kids do.

aww, fair play to you for accepting you were BU

it's not the end of the world, though

we all have "off" days

I am the type of lazy mum that when another child is there I look upon that as an oppotunity to zone out and let the children amuse themselves

I love how the OP is BU yet it's perfectly okay for the mother to ignore her own child whilst socialising with her friends

I don't think anyone said the other mother was much better, tbh

I'm amazed that the general tone of responses to this OP is that she is BU. I think that it is the other mother who is BU - she was ignoring her own child, not a random stray and then was arsey when a stranger did the same. . Wonder how she would have reacted had the OP's DD gone across to them instead of the other way round?
YANBU.

you sould have stayed at home,nobody would have bothered you there.

Was the op ignoring her child though or just allowing him to talk to other people without ushering him away?

I guess I need to sort out cafe etiquette. My approach in a cafe, particularly a "grown up" cafe is that children are welcome, but it's my responsibility to keep them with me and bring distractions. So my response today was consistent with what I expect of my children but I can see that there are different approaches. That is what I like about Aibu - people are honest.