To secretly wish that my sons will grow up to gay?

[BettySuarez]

Already starting to panic about potentially difficult relationships with future DIL's - particularly given the MIL bashing threads on here.

And worried that I will have NO rights to see my grandchildren in the event of divorce

My sons are still of school age so I am getting way ahead of myself here but I can't help but secretly wish they could both be harbouring secret homosexual tendencies

OMG, can you imagine a "light hearted" thread about racial stereotypes? Or disability stereotypes?

This is unacceptable and offensive.

My DSs are not abusive or violent!
Grandparents can't automatically have rights so it is hardly likely to occur. Luckily the perfectly nice ones with very difficult DIL can go to court.
I don't envisage having problems, I make friends with the girlfriends and since I never been a possessive parent I can't see why it would change.

It seems to me that the problems occur when you get 2 similar types for MIL and DIL-the sort who say 'my baby' and are very insecure.

Well we do get plenty of lightedhearted threads about sexist stereotypes, so I guess the gays are not an entirely special case.

..or using a silly stereotype to show the problems with the first silly stereotype.
Was a lighthearted OP so responded in the same way, instead of solemnly picking it apart.

I love my MIL

YABU

Why shouldn't a mother (or father for that matter) refer to their baby as "my baby"?

I have no idea what you're on about with your sons. Are they being denied access to their children, or are you like the OP in fearing the bogeywoman?

Unless your sons are denied access to their children, it will be up to them to make sure you see them. Not your exDIL.

The OP isn't lighthearted or tongue in cheek. It is just nonsensical.

In a sense you would better hope, then, tha your son is transexual.

In my case, if ILs do not have contact it's because they don't want to.
And ex has limited contact because of his actions.

So, just make sure you raise your son properly to respect women, and respect your eventual DIL.

Your sons could grow up confused in the same way that gay boys grow up confused because their parents want them to be straight but they are gay.

Or they might grow up confused because they are gay but don't know how to square that with their mother's fetishised notions of how gay men should be.

The OP is being lighthearted and tongue in cheek.

But feck it, I'm starting on the wine

"the sort who say 'my baby'" but the bottom line is the only one out of the MIL and the DIL who has the right to say 'my baby' is the mother of the child. At some point that mother has to stop calling the child 'my baby' and let them have their own life with whoever they choose to have a life with.

I think that you misunderstand, I didn't say 'my baby' -I said my baby. A world of difference.

Maybe MILs (or potential MILs) could consider whether their behaviour has anything to do with their DIL complaining about them. Surely not all MILs are victims of horrible DILs?!

Trying to control how someone else raises their child, dictating, judging, sexism etc... there are lots of things that some MILs are guilty of and perhaps they should consider how they are causing problems with the DIL instead of thinking they are all victims!

I personally think that the problem comes with any controlling, possessive woman-and they don't suddenly switch. The difference lies in 'my baby' as opposed to 'my baby'.

Bearing in mind that DH is an adult but may still be my DS to his mother.

Presumably are as many reasons for bad relationships as there are pepole having them.

This thread is a classic. Feminism nowadays teaches me that no woman is the same as another and that we are all as capable and as competent as a man. Meanwhile we are making sweeping generalisations about other groups of people something that feminism surely teaches us not to do.

Agree though - most people don't start threads saying how nice their mil's are. If you want a good story mine is lovely. Very kind, lovely to me and interesting. She was fab when I miscarried and always seems to be on my side. It was not always good and we did have a rocky start but any relationship that is good requires effort.

I am surprised that there are not more MILs actually on here. They are still mums themselves, and often have teenage children too as well as grown up ones who have children of their own.

I wonder if most have been scared off by all the MIL haters

Luckily I dont scare easily!

I know what you mean OP - I would like it it my darling son never ran off with a vile woman (Like wot I am) & had her babies.

As I did with my DH's mother's son, & his father did with his Grandmother's daughter.

& my mother did with my grandmother's darling son.

Bitches - the lot of 'em. Stealing them away from their mothers.

(giving them grandchildren & all) - arsing slutholes.

I recommend you get a gay bessie instead

Yawn

I would like my mil if she would just remember that she was a mother and a grandmother, she is missing out on 3 wonderful grandchildren!

I adore her son, i didn't steal him off her, I don't lie, i am not controlling, and i don't scheme. As long as I don't forget that with my own son, hopefully should i ever become a mil I won't be slated.

I guess that the potential is there for relationships to go sour at any point in time and the DIL/MIL relationship is no exception.

What concerns me is that statistically speaking - 2 of my children stand a high risk of experiencing divorce at some point during their married lives.

If it's my daughters that divorce then as the maternal grandmother, I would still have regular contact with my grandchildren.

But if my sons divorce then I/we would be at the mercy of our DILs as to whether we still had contact.

I'm a MIL, so there. Fortunately DS1 has impeccable judgement, so has blessed me with the world's nicest DIL. Supposing they get around to breeding I can't imagine her ever not doing the right thing by the fond grandparents.