To secretly wish that my sons will grow up to gay?

[BettySuarez]

Already starting to panic about potentially difficult relationships with future DIL's - particularly given the MIL bashing threads on here.

And worried that I will have NO rights to see my grandchildren in the event of divorce

My sons are still of school age so I am getting way ahead of myself here but I can't help but secretly wish they could both be harbouring secret homosexual tendencies

:o x-post Annie

every family has different ways and ideas and we all tend to think our families is the correct way, therefore in laws start off from a losing position and we let our own parents away with loads that we wouldn't tolerate from in laws because we love them. p.s. my brother is gay, hates shopping, non bitchy and wouldn't be seen dead at a west end show.

Grandparents have no rights. As it should be.

It is only on here-people post if they have moans-I like my MIL is rather boring (but generally true in RL)
If you take the view that a parent's job is to give them roots and give them wings you will be fine.
See them as adults and welcome any friends and girlfriends as adults and you will be fine.
The problem comes with possessive mothers and possessive wives. Generally what goes around comes around and if you have been possessive they choose possessive women and they clash.

Well fwiw I love my MIL even though she is my XPs mum. She sees my children - her grandchildren - on a regular basis. We are not all vindictive

They need to avoid women like justhavetheone!

They should have stood up to their own family years before and not let them get away with things and see ILs as a positive part of life-not starting from a losing position.
I would suggest making friends with girlfriends-make sure, early on, that you do things with them without DS.

Luckily grandparents do have rights now MNP.

DH and I reckon that your MIL is someone who is crazy in a way you are just not used to.

Both our Mums are lovely, but batty. But they are each bonkers in their own way.

So my Mum (who he is really very fond of and who adores him) drives him around the bend at times with the way she goes on about things.

Similarly, his Mum (who is great and I get on really well with) stresses me out at times because I'm just not used to her ways.

You're basically forced into a mother-like relationship with someone who is not your mother. It can be fraught, even with the best will in the world.

I also have a SMIL and my relationship with her is so much easier - purely because there's no real pressure on it.

? They don't have the right to see a child unless they've been heavily involved in their life.

ach, if you do end up with a dil then just don't act like lome kind of mad old bat and you'll be fine. the majority of bad mil/dil relationships on here are like they are because the mil is clearly loopy and no one writes about the good stuff do they?

RE the last suggestion, I would hate it if my mil tried to do suff with me. Who needs someone forcing themselves into your free time. One shoud always wait to be asked rather than impose.

and what tardisjumper said.

I only have my ds 16, and when I see all those MIL bashing threads I quiver.
OP started a light hearted thread, I would be fine with ds being gay, though I don't think that would solve the evil MIL problem.

"Luckily grandparents do have rights now MNP"

do they? what are they?

DPs mum is lovely, but I fully intend to have a lot of fun playing the batty MIL in future

Just for the record, my MIL is 87 and has huge generational differences to me as far as things like feeding, child rearing etc is concerned.

And I love her, so much. She's a legend. No one makes me laugh like her.

We don't all hate them.

Grandparents' rights make me shudder.

Rights to children (!) without responsibilities, it's a whole load of tiny disasters happening in real time.

I am lucky that my children's grandparents are all wonderful, but if they weren't I really think it should be my and DH's decision whether to maintain contact.

And if your sons divorce, they will maintain their children's relationship with you, no?

The only issue arises after a bereavement, but I can't imagine many widows are dying to stop their children having contact with their dead parent's loving family.

Ther will always be cases of unreasonable DILs, but a child is the responsibility of it's parents and it's up to them to make the decision about who there child sees. Grandparents have had their turn.

There are lots of threads on here where posters aren't accepted by their ILs and the children are taken to visit by their father and hear their mother insulted. The usual advice is that it's more harmful to the children to hear their mother slagged off than to break contact. Some people have broken contact with their own parents because they can't be pleasant about their partner.

as far as i can see grantparents can use section 10 of the childrens act to see contact but are advised to try to use mediation first. Has it changed from that?

sorry i was defending the in laws, i think they get a bed rep, what i meant was they cant win as we all think our ways are the best! i hate the way people treat their in laws and sometimes their own families just cause they do things a little different, jeez im all about the tolerance i think i was taken the wrong way!!

People really don't care about children, do they? There are constantly people fighting for rights to see children if they happen to feel like it, but never wants to have any legal responsibilities so that the child ends up with more rights.

As for the gay element, well if your son was gay he may adopt a child with a male partner. That sometimes happens. Or he may decide to get either a lesbian or a straight woman pregnant, and may very well then act as a father to that child. That happens rather more often. So while you wouldn't have a DIL, you've still got a high likelihood of having to deal with another adult female who is a mother to your grandchild. And you'll have the additional complication that she will have her own household and not live with your son, so you'll have to deal with her quite separately.

Why are you basing your opinion of your potential daughter/son in law on threads in AIBU!

Loads of you seem to have my Mums views on 'The Gays'.
She was invited to a civil ceremony and came back most disappointed that there wasn't a drag queen, Graham Norton-a-like, pink feather boa or mustacheoed biker in sight.
She couldn't believe they were just two men getting married in normal suits in a normal hotel .

It's called tongue-in-cheek, notso. Not to be confused with genuine belief.

I think that any parent who is trying to deny access to grandparents is going to have a hard time as a grandparent themselves. What goes around definitely comes around.

Tongue-in-cheek repetition of stereotyped prejudice doesn't really seem much better than the real thing.

It's still annoying and basically homophobic.

So if a mother denies her abusive father access to her children because she doesn't want him anywhere near them, she deserves not to see her own grandchildren?

Really?

Do you imagine the majority of people who want to deny someone access to their children are doing it entirely out of spite?