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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving baby in house?

102 replies

tomkittensmittens · 20/01/2012 23:34

This is probably the wrong place to be asking, and it's really WWYD because I am just not sure and need views from more experienced people!

Due in a few weeks time (our first). DP will have to go back to work (offshore) a few weeks after. We live in a flat across the road from a park where I take the dog last thing at night for a wee. Usually out of the house for 5 minutes.

There are no neighbours who could reliably do this for me and no family nearby and while I know that really, I can't just lock up and go out for 5 minutes (can I?) - the alternative is I have to wake and dress a baby and take her out late at night in all weathers?

Is there some solution I'm not seeing? (or is it just wishful thinking that she won't actually be awake and screaming anyway at 11pm, so no problem)?

OP posts:
cece · 21/01/2012 21:41

None of my babies were asleep at 11pm for the first few months of their lives. So wouldn't have been a problem for me to pop coat onto them and take them with me whilst I walked the dogs.

mathanxiety · 21/01/2012 21:56

Good luck seriously getting your baby organised enough to cater for the dog's needs. More than two hours a day to do anything when a baby is small is a fantastic amount of time and you may well find yourself choosing between showering or treating the dog in the manner to which he has become accustomed. You may also not enjoy having to walk a screaming baby just so that a dog can get enough exercise at the usual time, and possibly resent having to subject the baby to nappy changes al fresco in the cold for the sake of the dog.

Original poster
tomkittensmittens · 21/01/2012 22:04

Math - it's not a solid 2 hours all in one go. I know I may have to change things. We don't have a rigid routine, and I'll just be continuing to try to do what I need to do with the responsibilities that I have and the available hours in the day. Just now, thinking and doing what I can to plan ahead as best as possible and prepare for the changes ahead, in a responsible and practical way.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 21/01/2012 22:23

Gosh, all so negative! Actually newborns sleep most of the time during the day (maybe not so much at night), you will easily be able to go out for 2 hours a day if not longer. I go out with my 10 week old twins in their pram for a couple of hours every lunchtime, and find it actually helps them settle - I took them to lunch and then the cinema the other day, they slept for the whole 3 hours. A shower takes 5 minutes. Just because you have children does not mean life has to grind to a halt. Best of luck

Happyasapiginshite · 21/01/2012 22:26

tomkittensmittens, what about getting a very good pram with carry-cot and have baby sleeping in that until 11pm, walk the dog and her (well bundled up from the damp air) and put her in her cot when you get back in? That way, she wouldn't be disturbed at all until you get back in from the walk and you could give her a little feed then?

FWIW, I have a really big back garden, well for a city house it's big, and my dog just uses it for his morning and night-time wee, or if he's found a bone and wants to hide it somewhere. Apart from that, he slobs around the house until it's time for his walks. I think it's fine to have a dog in a flat and don't really get why people think dogs need big gardens? Or is my dog just a lazy sod? Don't most people have their dogs in the house with them anyway?

Best of luck with your baby. I hope the dog and baby are ok together. Our dog is very jealous of our recently adopted toddler so we have to watch him like a hawk with dd. I think it's easier when it's a tiny baby coming into the house as the baby isn't mobile for quite a while which gives the dog a chance to get used to it.

Happyasapiginshite · 21/01/2012 22:30

And just to add, I walk dog and baby for at least an hour a day - for my own mental health as much as for the dog. Your baby will love the fresh air and you'll find you get into a routine eventually. By the time your dp has to go back to work, you'll be in a routine that suits all of you, dog included.

Armi · 21/01/2012 22:53

Another one here who walks for a few hours a day with dog and pram. It's excellent - fresh air, exercise and a chance to talk to the other regular dog walkers to keep me sane. You will find a way to work it. All the best.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 21/01/2012 22:57

Nothing bad has to happen for your neighbours to realise you are leaving the baby alone and report you for it.

But your baby will most likely be waking a lot in the evening and through the night at first anyway, so perhaps you can fit in the last walk to a time when he or she is awake and able to come with you.

Otherwise can you just go to the front door with a baby monitor or leaving your flat door open so you can hear, and stay in the garden? That way you will be able to hear the baby if it wakes and get back to him or her very quickly. Perhaps you could fit in an extra work earlier in the evening to compensate?

shouldabeenwashedinajug · 21/01/2012 22:59

Looks like you've been given plenty of advice on the nighttime issue.

I just wanted to say that I have had a dog since before my DC were born and I have always walked her. I can count on one hand the number of days she has gone without a walk in the 3.5 years since my DD1 was born - and those days were down to either snow or illness on my part, not due to my DC.

I had two under two and still got out every day with the pram and the dog. I think it's great and gives you a sense of purpose.

DD1 was a terrible napper but used to nap beautifully in the pushchair and we used to have lovely 1.5 hours walks - me getting exercise, the dog getting exercise, and DD1 getting a solid nap which she wouldn't have had at home. It was great Grin

StealthPolarBear · 21/01/2012 23:02

Can you train dogs to abseil?

AnyFucker · 21/01/2012 23:03

dream feed baby at 11pm

put baby in sling/wrap up well

take dog for late night walk

come home, put baby to bed

take yourself to bed, dog goes in basket

where is the difficulty ?

Ginlord · 21/01/2012 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 22/01/2012 00:34

It's like watching a bird fly repeatedly against a set of patio doors.

maypole1 · 22/01/2012 00:57

I have been watching this thread with instrest of people's view so here's mine

Mrs mc cann thought it ok and wide t o leave her children alone and looked who that panned out.

Going into the garden whilest having baby inside a house is a diffrent prospect to locking a flat then walking down however many flights of stairs then leaving the building the falts are in the going iPhoto the green out front

As is leaving a baby alone in a locked flat because their is a medical emergancey or somones life was in danger

But leaving a baby lone to walk a dog is not on

Either move to a flat or a house with a garden on the same level as we're you live or get rid of the dog

What were you planning to do when the child is 2 leave it alone at night so you can walk your dog

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 22/01/2012 01:25

I suspect you will probably pop baby out in sling before or after a late evening feed and take dog out briefly then. Which is fine. But I also think it's fine to take baby monitor downstairs while dog has a pee in nearby bushes. I probably wouldn't go across to park with baby in flat but can't see problem if you're at front door of building with a baby monitor.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 03:07

'Actually newborns sleep most of the time during the day'
hahahaha

foreverondiet · 22/01/2012 15:02

Personally I'd buy a really good baby listener with a good range and go out with dog while baby asleep. If baby awake I'd take with in sling.

Not sure about going as far as park though. But I think ok down to street.

Can you not get dog to go in day when you take baby out for a walk? Or could you leave the baby listener with a neighbour?

amicissima · 22/01/2012 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maypole1 · 22/01/2012 18:19

Because no one would know you had left a baby home alone

Their have been serval cases were mothers have left small children alone only for somthing to happen to the mother and the child come to harm

I have heard of a mother whom left their 2 year old lone in her flat while she went to the shop unknow to her some local lads were kicking off she had a warrant out for her arrest and was spotted by the policeman who was attending to the youths

She didn't want to say She had a child as she thought she would be out in know time after 6 hours down the sation it became clear she was in for the weekend frightened she had already left it to long to say anything she kept quite she went to court on Monday then went slight to jail the child was found 4 days later when she finally came clean

Not I am not sayin the op will get arrested but ANYthing could happened and who would know top go to her address and look for a baby

mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 18:41

You are probably less likely to be mugged or otherwise attacked if you are out with a dog. But you are also less likely to be willing to contemplate risking leaving the baby once you become a parent. The dog and its needs will really shift downwards in the order of priorities.

redundant · 22/01/2012 21:15

some barking mad people on here, who have probably either terrified you, depressed you or pee'd you off! You will work it, it will be fine, and no-one has to suffer - not dog, not baby, not you. You will still be able to do your long day time walk, easy, and the last thing at night wee will be do-able too.

If it was me I would take a baby monitor and go outside, as rationally, chances of me being murdered and not returning to flat are slim! You could put a safety net in place - something like you have to text your OH at 11.15 when you are back in flat so he knows all is well.

But I also like the idea of putting baby down in really good pram to sleep till 10/11 and then taking out with you and then transferring to cot when back in. We have a Britax Baby Safe Sleeper which is lie flat, just like a moses basket, and DD happily slept in that - would be ideal.

good luck, you are obviously sensible, and you will all be fine.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 22/01/2012 22:24

The pram will have to make a trip down the stairs though (unless you have a lift). Is that a workable solution OP?

mathanxiety · 23/01/2012 02:40

The pram will have to go down the stairs (assuming there are stairs) anyway if the baby is to get out at all. A sling would be very handy if stairs are the only way down but a baby is more likely to be disturbed getting into and out of a sling. However, in the early days, the baby is likely to be awake frequently around the clock no matter what..

ceeveebee · 23/01/2012 11:02

Easy solution to the stairs 'problem'. If you get a pram with removeable carrycot, leave the pram base downstairs and put baby to sleep in the carrycot upstairs, just carry it down, clip it on and away you go!

Its easy to overthink things when you're pregnant. I certainly have found that the reality is nowhere near as difficult as some people say it is! As long as you approach things with a positive can-do attitude, you will be fine and find that life can go on.

cory · 23/01/2012 11:22

It all seems unsurmountable pre-baby but post-baby most people actually look back and find they were able to juggle, and that involves people with pets and/or older siblings.

In most of Europe the majority of the population live in flats and they manage these issues. Seriously, there will be ways around.

Yes, the dog needs exercise, but it can get its exercise in the daytime when you will probably be happy to get out of the house with the baby anyway.

Yes, the dog needs a wee at night, but you can probably adjust its wee time a bit if you start in time- just as you would have to adjust the baby's feeds to fit round an older sibling's school run.

Yes, the baby will grow up and not be sling-able eventually, but by then you will have had time to think about various solutions.