Leaving baby in house?

[tomkittensmittens]

This is probably the wrong place to be asking, and it's really WWYD because I am just not sure and need views from more experienced people!

Due in a few weeks time (our first). DP will have to go back to work (offshore) a few weeks after. We live in a flat across the road from a park where I take the dog last thing at night for a wee. Usually out of the house for 5 minutes.

There are no neighbours who could reliably do this for me and no family nearby and while I know that really, I can't just lock up and go out for 5 minutes (can I?) - the alternative is I have to wake and dress a baby and take her out late at night in all weathers?

Is there some solution I'm not seeing? (or is it just wishful thinking that she won't actually be awake and screaming anyway at 11pm, so no problem)?

Is it a rented flat? Could you plan to move to a ground floor place with a bit of enclosed outdoor space? I know that's a bit drastic but when I got my puppy we were in a place where the garden wasn't attached to the house (Boarding school) so I actually had to go outside with her and it was a real hassle. I didn't have DS then and I wouldn't want to have added him into the mix!

Ground floor would also be easier for buggy/ shopping etc.

There will be many times when the dog will play second fiddle to the baby, especially in the early days. You are simply not going to be able to take the dog out at its regular time if you're in the middle of a feed, experiencing a poo explosion, changing out of clothes soaked in puke, etc. Nor are you necessarily going to be able to allow the dog the usual walking time.

Retrain the dog to pee right outside and do it whenever you are able to attend to it, not always at the same time. Get a retractable lead. You don't want to have to go running off after him. Your baby's sleep schedule will change over time and the dog needs to get used to you not being able to attend to his needs immediately.

You are going to smack yourself on the head if you reread this thread when the baby arrives and the reality of your protective feelings towards the baby hits you.

In a flat, you don't always know if your neighbours are leaving their chip pan on, space heaters near piles of laundry, smoking in bed, etc. I know three people who have set beds on fire and not in a good way.

Hi - I had this exact situation! Started off taking DD out in a sling, and then the pram so she could sleep. Agree the dog's last walk needs to be brought forward as 11pm is just too late for you all. Are you able to get a Dogwalker to do one of the daytime walks? This would help take the pressure off you. Good luck!

Good luck with your new baby! I have a 10 month old now and was just trying to survive for the first few weeks (and months) as babies wake up every 2 or 3 hours for a feed that will take maybe an hour. In between you'll have maybe an hour or max 2 to do everything else that needs doing which I mainly found to be going to the loo, changing nappies, changing baby's clothes, getting a glass of water and food if I was lucky and maybe sleeping.

If I was in your position I would do as others suggest - teach your dog to wee outside the front door and get it used to a less rigid routine. If there is anyone you know who could maybe look after your dog for the first week or two of your babies life that would probably help massively too.

I wouldn't leave the baby in the house on it's own though, even just for 5 minutes. You just don't know what might happen to you or them. Chances of anything happening are very small but the consequences if something did happen could be huge so just not worth the risk.

I bet your dog and your baby will become best friends.

A dog needs EXERCISE.. not just a piss at the door... (which is also very inconsiderate for anyone else in the flats who has to smell it, or walk through it).

Dogs should not be kept in flats. Move house to somewhere suitable.

squeakytoy, I'm sure the dog does, and will continue to get exercise. This is just a temporary issue while the baby is small and the DH working away. Ditto or peeing outside the front door.

for

A baby will be small for quite a while yet.. it is unfair on the dog to be cooped up like this with no exercise.

I dont agree with people keeping dogs in flats or houses where there are no gardens anyway.

I think there have been lots of sensible suggestions and at the end of the day your routine/dogs/baby's routines will probably all adust a bit and going out for five minutes at 11 will rarely happen.

FWIW - our dd used to sleep at a point in the house furthest from the back garden. There were many occasions when I was in the garden doing a little job and when she was left unattended, asleep in her cot for much longer than five minutes and no harm came to her. No harm came to her either the morning she fell asleep at 7am after a night of screaming with an ear infection and I didn't have the heart to disturb her so ran to school with ds and literally ran back again. Was away for probably about 15 minutes and she was fine - fast asleep, and warm and when she woke up she smiled and started to recover.

When I was a baby the house and gardens were so big that it could easily have taken my mother 10 to 15 minutes to get to me.

Providing the baby is in the cot and the home is safe all will be well. The chances of you getting attacked/collapsing are almost zero and if the worst happened you could always carry a card in your pocket to say baby is home alone.

I agree Squeakytoy. For a very small dog it might not be a huge issue but mid to large size dogs need somewhere to get a good stretch of their legs.

Rowingdowntheriver, your recollections of the first weeks/months and mine are very similar.

Move to a house its mean to keep a dog locked up in a flat.

A baby shouldn't be left in a building on its own, moving around your property is completely different to going out, look at the children who have died in house fires, lately, where the parent couldn't get them all out, just because they were asleep in different rooms, all were electrical faults.

The OP's flat might be fire proof, but are the neighbours careful?

OP if you have neighbours that will report you, you need to realise that your baby will be removed and if you don't have family that could take it, then it will be accomodated and you will be looking at around three months to get it back (minimum), so your (and your DP's) choice.

Small babies are easy to handle and fit into the household routines.

birdsgottafly Do you mean he or she rather than it. I think you are a social worker and that statement says a huge amount about your profession. I really don't mean to be unkind but that is a ghastly way to describe a baby.

I am also a mother. As a mother i am always shocked by how many parents leave babies on their own, on MN. They should be the most precious and treasured thing in your life. You don't always get second chances, just because posters have left babies and they have been fine doesn't mean that the OP's will be. If a cot death occured whilst the OP was out, it would put any subsequent children onto a CP plan automatically, i just don't see how you could risk losing a baby. Speaking as someone who has had a stillbirth and miscarriages, not as my job role.

So have I Birds but I don't see how leaving a baby alone for 10 minutes outside a property would prevent a cot death any more than leaving him or her alone for 10 minutes when one was in. I do take your point though about the neighbours.

I was pregnant five times, beyond 11 weeks and produced three live children one of whom died within a few hours of birth. Every pg was planned and every possible risk was covered - no smoking, folic acid, no alcohol, perfect diet, etc.. Two loving parents. The system afforded zero respect for doing it properly and I would wholeheartedly say that a lot more babies would be saved if a little more common sense were exercised by the agencies who are there to identify those at risk.

I would go to the door carrying the baby monitor. Have dog on extending lead-if he only wees last thing it should be less than 5 minutes and will be OK.

Have you a friendly neighbour who could do dog or baby duty for 5 mins before bed?

I was a single parent with a baby and a dog, often took the dog to the field in the evening with the baby in the sling. As for it not being a long term solution - I tok her in the sling when she was 1 year old, 2 years old, and yes 5 years old (though it's not necessary any more). No trouble. But I don't know if OP needs a long term solution, really. More a fix until her OH comes back from work?

I agree dogs + flats don't mix

I'd nip down to the front door though

Bet loads of people would do that to have a fag outside, leaving both doors open so you could hear the baby

All will be fine, you'll find a compromise (and yes I did leave ds asleep whilst dog had bedtime pee, in sight of house.........we all lived to tell the tale!).

When ds was born we lived in a second floor flat and our dog would need to go out at 10.30 pm at the absolute earliest otherwise she would want to wee at 2 am! imjst admit that this caused huge problems when ds was born, firstly, I had a c section and was in tremendous amounts of pain so going up and down stairs ( no lift in our block) was pretty horrendous, secondly, I would panic leaving ds upstairs alone if dh was working nights. In the end, I got so stressed out that the dog went to live at my mums until we moved into a house 6 months later.

I have two large dogs, a 16 mo DD, & a DH who works away midweek, so I sympathise with the OP'a dilemma & in fact with the day to day challenges of combining dog care & baby care. It is all doable, but not always easy!

There's been some sensible advice here. I'd agree with edging the night-time wee routine earlier, & taking your baby out with you in a sling or pram when she's young. When she's older though (6 mo? 12 mo? Depends on the baby) you'll probably find she needs to settle earlier & gets more grumpy by being taken out in cold crappy weather. With that in mind, if you possibly can, long-term you might want to consider the suggestions to move to a ground floor flat (we did & put in a dog flap onto an enclosed yard, the dogs now do their own last wees & I only have to worry about daytime walks- perfect!).

FWIW, I am normally pretty relaxed and have occasionally left the baby in the car outside the house to nap which more risk averse people would question... but I do think I'd never leave her in a flat even to go downstairs, just because (a) you can't control the fire risks etc & (b) if it's every night around the same time there is a risk, albeit small, of someone watching your routine & considering either snatching her or being a nosy judgemental so & so and calling social services.

You will work it out... and you will find the dog, whilst still much loved & responsibly cared for, does fall down your pecking order a bit... you won't ever fail to out your baby first as some have suggested. Good luck.

baby monitor, take it with you and let dog wee on grass just outside front door.
If dog needs longer walk, baby sling! Its not the end of the world if you take the baby with you, babies love being close to you in a sling.
Its no biggie, its great you are working things out ahead of time.
I had 3 dogs when I had mine, and it does work out! used to take all 3 out with the pram to the park. At night, just a quick wee at bedtime.

Having a dog to walk is a great incentive for you to go out for a daily walk with the baby, so there is definitely a benefit -- walking is a great way to get fresh air and to some exercise. But there again is the pecking order thing. It will be more a question of 'what can your dog do for you?' and not so much 'what can you do for your dog?'

Hello, thanks for loads more sensible suggestions today, much appreciated. Just to reassure . . . the dog is not, and will not be, 'locked in a flat' or 'cooped up'. During the day he'll get as much exercise as usual (which is loads, he's an active dog and we're in a fairly rural situation. We're usually out in excess of 2 hours a day so I'd disagree that dogs and flats don't mix) just I'll be pushing a pram as well. It's only the last-thing-at-night wee I'm bothered about.
And I know the 'what if' considerations of leaving the house - small risk but a risk nonetheless and not one I'd be comfortable running - which is why I asked if anyone had any ideas . . . V grateful for everyone's time & thoughts. Longer-term we will move, for the baby though not for the dog!