to think that IRL most women are attracted to power/ confidence in men...

[RevoltingPeasant]

... and not physical attractiveness?

You always get threads on here with people drooling over various celebs on the basis of their looks, but AIBU to think that it's right that most women are not that visual, and that what is sexy is someone's self-confidence?

Confidence yes

Power? No

I much prefer humour

I agree with Kayano - confidence is definitely attractive, power (as in wielding power over others) no, and humour is essential :-)

Have to say also that the ability to show vulnerability is also very attractive

I think any man I get with needs to be attractive. I find my DH very attractive and thats why I think I always have a high sex drive no matter what else is going on in my life. You need to be able to look at them and think fuck me now on a regular basis imo!

Absolutely yes on the confidence front. By that I don't mean extrovert, life and soul of every party type, I mean confidence in himself...if that makes sense. Dh is certainly not the loudest bloke at a party confident, but he exudes confidence, is successful and isn't afraid to be him, have opinions, stand up for himself...I'm blathering cause I can't explain myself.

Power...yes, that is attractive, but not as much of a deal breaker as confidence. Confidence can rub off and enhance others, as DH's does for me, but power can just make others feel crap if misused.

Well I'm guessing we all find our own partners attractive!

Yes, and even a touch of arrogance. Yum.

If a man is ugly, no amount of self confidence is going to make me attracted to him.

If a very attractive man has no self confidence I would probably not see them as suitable partner material.

Luckily my DP is both gorgeous and self confident, without even a hint of arrogance about him.

Arrogance is a very ugly quality. I have no interest in men with powere, or men who like to yield their power.

Yeah but I like the fact everyone else finds my DH attractive

I secretly agree Coraltoes, I couldn't have married someone really arrogant though. Dh is fairly upfront about how good he is at what he does, honest about it, but it is all true.

Power no

Confidence Yes, but they have to also not have a massive ego and show a bit of humility sometimes

Looks, all subjective imo. For example I have never found brad pitt, tom cruise, jude law, johnny depp etc attractive but many do. I might think someone is the best looking man ever but my friends not see it.

I find power a turn off as it usually goes with arrogance. Money isn't a turn on either.

I totally agree overmydeadbody especially with your first line

It's the whole package really isn't it. I think people are initially attracted by looks, and even the best personality won't 'click' for you if you find him physically repulsive. That said, a moderately-ok looking bloke can become extremely attractive in your eyes if you really gel with their personality while the best looking person can become very, very unattractive if they are a total arse.

Confidence is definitely good, though I am put off by too much charisma or charm because more-often-than-not it isn't genuine. Power disturbs me too. I don't want anyone who's used to power wielding that power over me.

Agree with overmydeadbody too :-)

Overbearing arrogance is vile.

Totally agree op

Weakness, and failure is not sexy

A man who is slightly attractive becomes more so

When slightly cocky, confident and is secure in his own man hood

But a man who is hooooot looks increasingly unattractive if needy,week unemployed and a door mat

I am attracted to looks and physical appearance, initially.

I don't go for men who are arrogant, cocky, over-confident, or powerful. I like men who are handsome and big and strong (rugby player type build) to look at, with kind, generous and gentle personalities. And people who I feel relaxed with and laugh with.

So no TBH your OP does not apply to me.

I also think its a man in the media thing that tries to make out women arent visual. I think they are very much so

Totally agree...my dh is not arrogant at all but I find I'm attracted to men that are arrogant and quite powerful in their own way...shall I admit who? Ah go on then...

I loved tony blair, I love Simon Cowell...clearly not for their looks!

coral yep

Sardine don't think kind and generous has to clash with confidence?

I have to say that I know several men whom I've really not looked twice at first and then as I've got to know them have, erm .... shall we say warmed to as it's before the watershed .

It is mostly about how they carry themselves - intelligence and education count too. Not money though. Could never fancy a successful businessman.

Also have a deplorable tendency to fancy men in positions of power vis-a-vis me. am obviously some kind of sicko

The men I have known who are kind, generous and gentle are not the same ones as I have known who are confident and powerful.

Mind you, confident and powerful to me brings up ideas of arrogance, a quality I loathe.

Unless you mean powerfully built, in which case yes please

My DH is very confident and that did attract me to him initially (he's no George Clooney), (but once you get to know him, he is a pussycat).

I was intrigued by the potential of the man behind the (what I perceived as) bravado, but he really is just comfortable in his own skin, with his own opinions and personality. He is utterly consistent.

I do like people who are confident in themselves, and think there is nothing more attractive than someone who is really happy to be who they are.

Much better than the countless people I know who are so desperate to be liked that they change their views, behaviour and opinions, merely to fit in with "the in crowd!"