to think that IRL most women are attracted to power/ confidence in men...

[RevoltingPeasant]

... and not physical attractiveness?

You always get threads on here with people drooling over various celebs on the basis of their looks, but AIBU to think that it's right that most women are not that visual, and that what is sexy is someone's self-confidence?

Most women are attracted to power. Most women do not like to admit it.

When I met DH 23 years ago, he was quiet, unassuming, and to me drop dead handsome. My first thought the night I met him, even though I was with a very confident and handsome beau (bit of a wild fling) and the chap next to me was dark and very very handsome and very very confident, was "I'm going to marry you". Have no idea where it came from and he had a girlfriend at the time.

Any way we got together a few months later and never looked at another person. DH was 27 then. He was struggling and had no money at all and I could see the first time he took me out to dinner he was looking at the prices and doing a quick calculation. He was really kind and honest and modest and I still fancy him. We stuck together and we have supported each other for the last 23 years.

When I met him, he certainly wasn't powerful and he certainly wasn't hugely confident except insofar as his determination and intellectual ability were concerned. I stayed with him because I fell in love with him. Having said all that he probably is seen as quite powerful now if power means that you are renowned in your field, sought after, can pick and choose your work and have fairly significant earning power. Nowadays he has developed a quiet, avuncular confidence that has never cared very much about image because his view has always been rather I am the best at what I do and you can either take me or leave me in a very non arrogant sort of way.

Marriedinwhite - are you any relation to LeQueen?

With mu dh, i liked his ambition amd intelligence. But I love his sense of humour, his kindness, even his low self esteem. He is "rough" boy done good. He is very hard on himself, and can be hard on us, as he now has expectations.

It's a mix. He is by no means perfect (nor me). But we laugh SO much, and there is a lot of kisses, cuddles and affection in our house.

"Power" is an aphrodisiac

For "power" read that to be self confident, motivated, driven to sucsess. But by and large, those people do tend to have physical "presence" also, plus the ability to hold a room in their trall yet make every person feel like a an individual.

I would say, humour is often the key.

This was one of the topics on one of those 80's sigh courses we did on body language sigh. Physical presence isnt height or build - it is just 'pzazz' when they enter a room and often they don't have to do anything to attract attention - it's just something about them.

Aesthetics dont appeal to everyone - I use Russell Brand as an example. Personally I have the over whelming urge to put him in a dettol bath (along with Cain Dingle) because they look minging dirty and unkempt - yet I have GFs who would shag their bones out >boak

YABU about the power. Power definite turn-off for me - I've worked with loads of "powerful" men and 90% of them were jerks, though I do accept that it's not inevitable that a powerful man will also be an arrogant bastard. DH is self-confident (and does housework with no whinging!) but not, by the world's standards, powerful. At the moment he's a SAHD.

You're right about the self-confidence though: being comfortable in your skin is very attractive.

No, but I can see a lot of parallels in what she and I say. I looked at her pictures once and although I think she's younger than me I think we're cut from the same gib.

Ooh now - Russel Brand does nothing for me - but Lennox Lewis does. Probably because he is big and strong - yet NICE. RB is just up himself.

And yet - probably - my ideal man is Louis Theroux. Intelligent, glasses, sense of humour, self deprecating, yet excellent at what he does.....

I'm not really fussed if a man is confident powerful...but needy and weak is as much of a turn off as arrogance.

Quiet self-assurance is enough for me.

I like men who like confident, powerful women.

I'm with chippy on this. Competence - can't beat it. And total enthusiasm - doesn't really matter what for - in fact the nerdier the better - love it when public image is of little or no concern. Love a nerd, me.

Oh yes, DH is the biggest geek about his stuff.

for me, they also have to have nice hands,clean nails and good forearms. A rolled up shirt sleeve can make me come all over unnecessary!

Oh yes, a man with dirty hands would have been a no go area for me too. I am DH's chief nail clipper and manicurist.