to be annoyed with what the t.a at school said to me

[liveinazoo]

when i picked up my ds from school today the teaching assistant shouted me over in front of all the other parents and demanded to know why i hadnt handed in the money for my ds to watch a pantomime in school(the letter we had stated it was a request would youi like your child to see a child friendly pantomime performed in school by a theatre group.voluntary contribution of £4)
i replied he didnt want to see it and she responded in a very loud voice most of the other kids in his class were attending and why wasnt i let him go.i repeated he doesnt want to and as such im not paying for it.she snapped at me i shall have to speak to the head about this.i replied you do that and walked away.AIBU to be annoyed?

YANBU, she should have asked you privately.

YANBU to be annoyed if someone spoke rudely to you, but can't he just watch the bloody pantomime like all the other kids?

I would speak to the head about her tbh - very rude

Is there a reason your dc isnt watching the panto?

8cupof brownjoy* ds is quite an anxious child and not great in big groups.it isnt compulsory and he wont enjoy it so i dont see the point of makin ghim when the purpose of the exercise is fun.had it been my dd i wouldnt have hesitated to pay because she wouldve enjoyed it

Why speak to the head?

Can't you just speak to her and say you'd appreciate it if next time she could put a note in the reading record or pull you to one side?

Are you going to go into school and supervise him while all the other children watch the pantomime?

i'd assume because he doesn't want to.

why would op pay for something her ds doesn't want to do?

anyway, if it was a voluntary payment, why was the t.a questioning the lack of contribution?

YANBU - but given my experience at DD's school this week, it seems to me that most school staff must be specially trained to talk to parents in a condescending, rude and generally unnecessary manner.

x-post

if neccesary,yes.as for a private word shes like it with everyone and although lots of complaints nothing ever changes

I think the OP means that the TA was threatening to take the matter to the head.

YANBU at all. The TA is acting completely unprofessionally. Schools are not permitted to charge for any activities, only request a voluntary contribution.

"most school staff must be specially trained to talk to parents in a condescending, rude and generally unnecessary manner"

Funny that - after the week I've had, it seems to me that most parents are giant pains in the ass

Oops! Cross post with OP.

What is the issue here - that you don't think he should see the panto, or that you don't want to pay?

Eskarina I was answering catgirl, sorry if that wasn't clear.

Yes, legally the school must ask for a "voluntary contribution", but if every parent took this literally and didn't pay, there'd be no more fun treats or days out for anyone!

Not what you are asking here but ds1 is an extremely shy and anxious child and tbh I would always pay for him to go to these things at school. Going into these situations that he has previously hated in a school environment have done amazing things for his anxiety and since starting school in august is a totally different little boy because he has done things at school that are not optional and seen all his friends do them. Doing this he has found put he enjoys them.
There is no way I would take him to a pantomime he would be so upset but in school along with his classmates he would go be nervous but would relax in a way he wouldn't with me.

I would talk to the head as he / she is the ta's manager. but i would speak to the ta first and let her know you did not find her behaviour acceptable. if she does it again then complain

cupofbrown joy - I appreciate that some parents are pita and complete morons at times, but do you not agree that they way the ta spoke to liveinazoo was unprofessional? If I spoke to a member of the public like that in my job (public sector too) I'd be in for a bollocking at least. But tbh, no matter how far the public puch me in my job I'd never talk to someone like that and certainly in public.

*push not puch!

LOL @ cup of brownjoy!

Yes Maxpower, I would definitely not expect anyone to be rude, whether ta/parent/teacher/Head/child. I absolutely agree with your last post and indeed drill it into the pupils all week long that manners are key!

I was just at the extrapolation to "most" teaching staff being rude. I know its a generalisation but its annoying and it's been a long week...

She was totally out of order. And really, any money dealings should be through the office not classroom staff.

I'd speak to the HT.

my DS absolutely hates pantomimes (and so do I). In the early years, a TA always had to leave the theatre with him becasue he would scream throughout. It was horrible. He wouldn't sleep for weeks afterwards because of the nightmares. In the end, they asked us to keep him at home on pantomime days. So, in your situation, I would not pay for something DS hates. And I would speak to the HT about making your affairs public.

cupofbrownjoy, it's Friday - you deserve a or or both

in my defence, I did qualify my sweeping generalisation by relating it to 'my experience at DD's school this week'. Oh and I didn't mean to suggest it was purely the teaching staff. No, this week, I've been p'd off by the way I've been dealt with by the secretary, the caretaker and two teachers.