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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to take newborn ds to hospital to meet mil?

65 replies

harassedandherbug · 20/01/2012 16:35

This is not a mil thread Grin.

She's been in hospital for months and will prob be in for at least another 2 months. It's a surgical problem, not an actual illness as such.

Ds is nearly 3wks old and dh obviously wants to take him to meet his mum, but I was a bit dubious because of the risk of infection. I had a word with hv and she said not to take him unless we absolutely had to. Dh is absolutely fine with this but I know for a fact that some members of the family will comment, so AIBU about this?

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 20/01/2012 16:37

If it were life or death kind of thing I'd probably go, but given that it's surgical I'd probably wait until at least first jabs tbh. I don't think it's unreasonable and I'd just ignore other family members.

karen102 · 20/01/2012 16:39

YANBU- my dad was in hospital for a long time after I had my first child and the nurses wouldn't let me take him onto the ward because of the risk of infection, at the time I thought they were being a bit extreme but given the nasty bugs that float around hospitals it seems very sensible to me now.

FredFredGeorge · 20/01/2012 16:42

Is your MIL completely unable to leave the hospital bed? Could she meet you in the grounds somewhere?

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 16:42

ring the ward and ask, if it's an elective surgical ward then it'll be relatively "clean".

I'ld say definitely not to a medical admissions ward but would consider surgical but be guided by the nurses on THAT ward

suzikettles · 20/01/2012 16:43

Just make sure she's got lots of pictures and that dh makes a real effort to keep her up to date so she feels included.

Gumby · 20/01/2012 16:44

If your mum or dad were in hospital though hogs take your baby to meet them wouldn't you?!
Babies are born in hospitals

OldMumsy · 20/01/2012 16:44

Go with the HV advice.

W0rmy · 20/01/2012 16:46

Congratulations btw!

No, definitely not take him.

Perhaps you can get together some nice pics and a card to say sorry hope you understand etc

Sirzy · 20/01/2012 16:47

Could you mil get to the hospital restaurant or similar and meet there rather than the ward?

Yesmynameis · 20/01/2012 16:47

Is MIL well enough to go out into the grounds in a wheelchair? On a fine day it would be nice to go for a walk together and she could see your DS in his pram :)

However if you'd rather not, surely the fact that HV has advised you not to will be enough for any family members sticking their beak in?

Northernlurker · 20/01/2012 16:47

If she's been in so long she's at high risk of picking up stuff within the hospital and this is peak Norovirus time. I wouldn't take a vulnerable newborn in unless the relative was very, very ill. Be honest with your mil about your feelings and keep her up to date with pics - send her things that other relatives don't have so she feels especially included and ride it out. Tell everybody else to mind their own business. None of you would ever forgive yourself if he became seriously ill for what is a preventable reason.

MainlyMaynie · 20/01/2012 16:47

Depends what sort of ward she's on. DS visited hospital quite a few times due to family being seriously ill. First time at about 6 weeks, but not onto the ward a that stage. He was going through the corridors of the same hospital as an outpatient anyway, so I didn't see much difference.

MrsTwinks · 20/01/2012 16:47

YANBU

when i was recovering from apendicitis they very nearly didn't let my DN in as she was only 4 months old. Only did as I was the only person at risk from infection on the ward (all other patients were in for falls etc)

If the family comment tell them the HV said no, and surely your MIL can make do with photos etc so as to protect her grandbaby. they are being unreasonable if they insist imo

squeakytoy · 20/01/2012 16:48

Take a video on your phone for her perhaps until he is able to go in to the ward.

PearsBeaufort · 20/01/2012 16:49

YANBU, but she must be feeling grim. Maybe take in some pictures and make a big effort to involve her?

brawhen · 20/01/2012 16:49

I took 5wo DC to visit dying MIL (on general medical ward), which was definitely the right decision for us and no problem to the ward staff.

I'd err on the side of going even your case thought - thinking that 2 months is a long time in a new born's life and that the visit would mean an awful lot to your MIL. Such a young baby won't be touching & mouthing stuff, so less risk of catching stuff. Suggestion of meeting somewhere other than on ward might be a good one?

Sevenfold · 20/01/2012 16:50

yabu
poor MIL

llamallama · 20/01/2012 16:50

When my DD was 3.5 weeks old I was admitted to a surgical ward for 2 days for an emergency operation. (not birth related, it was a random finger accident) and my baby came and stayed with me! That was for two days, I was breast feeding, she was fine!

I would take your baby but keep visit short.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 16:50

elective surgery doesn't tend to get that many noro outbreaks because people don't COME IN with it in order to spread it to others. it doesn't start out of thin air in hospital walls!

surgical admissions on the other hand can have people comming in with it which they then pass to other patients.

It really depends on the ward, ask the nurses!

also wouldn't take a baby to a ward with patients with low immunity, but that's the flip side.

Elective is generally fine so long as YOU aren't bringing stuff in

CuntWorm · 20/01/2012 16:51

Babies are born in hospital...

Robinredboobs · 20/01/2012 16:51

I'm probably being stupid but..who is at risk of infection, mil or baby? Is it unsafe to give birth in hospital then? sorry i dont get it >.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 16:52

and if you do ring the nurses and they tell you that the whole hospital is closed to all but NOK (mine local one is, its mostly medical admissions so lots of noro) then you don't have to agonise about it as its out of your hands!

shouldabeenwashedinajug · 20/01/2012 16:52

I woould also ask the nurses for advice.

I vaguely seem to remember being swabbed for certain nasties before my ELCS although obviously there could still be a risk..

ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 16:53

both MIL and baby are at risk

noro/MRSA etc gets brought into hospitals BY PEOPLE and then it spreads around the people in there

but if it's a surgical admissions ward there's less risk to the baby than a bus or restraunt as people are pre-assessed before being admitted

usualsuspect · 20/01/2012 16:55

I would take him for a short visit tbh