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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to take newborn ds to hospital to meet mil?

65 replies

harassedandherbug · 20/01/2012 16:35

This is not a mil thread Grin.

She's been in hospital for months and will prob be in for at least another 2 months. It's a surgical problem, not an actual illness as such.

Ds is nearly 3wks old and dh obviously wants to take him to meet his mum, but I was a bit dubious because of the risk of infection. I had a word with hv and she said not to take him unless we absolutely had to. Dh is absolutely fine with this but I know for a fact that some members of the family will comment, so AIBU about this?

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 20/01/2012 16:56

sorry that meant to say ELECTIVE surgical, they're pre-assessed. Surgical admissions is randoms off the street

PeppermintCreams · 21/01/2012 20:12

I would talk to the ward staff and see what they said before saying a definite no. As above, see if MIL can go into the grounds or cafe for a while. Also look into doing something on a webcam? Could DH bring in a laptop/video phone to the hospital, so they can see you at home with the baby?

YANBU - we didn't take our son to see my grandad in his nursing home for a long time. However, my aunt would bring him over in the car for a very short visit.

So what's best you you x

Littlefish · 21/01/2012 20:15

I was in hospital when dd was 7 weeks old. I wasn't allowed to have her brought onto the ward.

BitchTwat · 21/01/2012 20:18

A 3 week old baby? What's he going to do? Lick the floor? Take him in, let her have a cuddle and then leave citing feeding time.

Poor woman.

TheresASpareChairOverThere · 21/01/2012 20:18

YANBU, you should keep a very little baby away from infection risk where possible. It is bad luck but your MIL will be out soon enough.

GashInTheAttic · 21/01/2012 20:21

I would take him in for a short visit,

It will cheer her up no end.

AuntingCarse · 21/01/2012 20:24

I always thought that lots of babies were born in hospitals and have any old visitor coming by Confused

P'raps I'm mistaken and things have changed.

Poor MiL, might be just the tonic to jolly her along during her long stay there. Anyway, the always used to have side rooms, what would be wrong with one of those.

Bunbaker · 21/01/2012 20:28

I'm in the camp of don't risk it. Yes, I know babies are born in hospital, but taking a new born baby that has no immunity and not had any vaccines on to an adult ward is risky. When DD was 7 weeks old she was admitted to hospital with breathing difficulties. The nurses wouldn't even let me walk her around the ward because of the risk of infection.

This time of year is especially bad for D & V bugs and RSV - one of the hospitals in our area has reduced bed capacity at the moment due to norovirus. I really wouldn't put such a small and vulnerable baby at risk.

GnomeDePlume · 21/01/2012 20:30

'take him in for a short visit' - so he'll only get a bit of a disease?

In the great MN tradition turn it round:

'AIBU to take my newborn DS into hospital to meet his GM. My HV said not to unless it was an emergency (which TBH it isnt). So AIBU?'

slowburner · 21/01/2012 20:33

Many hospitals do not allow babies onto wards for risk of infection, a friends husband was admitted the day after their first child was born for tests and they kept him in for monitoring, she couldn't take the baby in. And we were advised not to take DD in at about 4 months to visit an elderly relative who was very very ill.

Keep her up to date with video, phone calls, skype, photos etc but don't take your PFB in.

iggly2 · 21/01/2012 21:00

I wouldn't take the baby in due to infection risk (and quote the HV) but would visit frequently with videos and pictures and involve MIL as much as possible eg ask for advice lots etc. It would be a different matter if circumstances were different eg if live threatening. Hospitals are risky places Norovirus/D and V are real problems and so serious in newborns.

TheParanoidAndroid · 21/01/2012 21:04

Lots of babies are born in hospital....like the three babies that just died of an infection caught in the neonatal unit of Belfast Maternity. Hmm

Eglu · 21/01/2012 21:10

YANBU. Obviously it is hard for MIL as she will want to meet her new DGS, but keeping hime safe is important. As for other family members who may complain, then I would point out the 3 babies who have just died recently.

Defintely lots of photos and videos on mobile phone for her though.

Rhubarbgarden · 21/01/2012 21:10

I was thinking of the Belfast Maternity unit too. I wouldn't do it. Skype regularly instead.

iggly2 · 21/01/2012 21:32

nb if DH is the one to visit ensure he showers and changes clothes etc before holding the baby and uses alcohol cleanser on visits. Skype is the best suggestion .

JustHecate · 21/01/2012 21:58

What choice would you make if it was your mother in the hospital and had never met your son and would be in hospital for a couple of months yet?

Whatever you would do (REALLY do) if it was your mother - do that.

shergar · 21/01/2012 22:03

YANBU - I'm a hospital doctor and we currently have a total ban on children coming in as visitors at all the hospitals in our Trust because of the winter vomiting virus. We have several wards shut because of it, and although the ban is aimed at stopping visitors bringing it in, it could just as easily be transmitted to a baby from the hospital given how ubiquitous the damned thing is at the moment! Don't do it. Keep sending in photos or a video of the baby instead.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 21/01/2012 22:04

I had to fight my way past 3 nurses to get my 10 day old ds onto the ward to see my grandmother (who had days to live) I can't imagine they would have kicked up such a fuss if it hadnt been a biggish risk to take a tiny baby in there.
So Yanbu to want to do it, but ywbu to go against advice from nurses and go ahead unless you were in my situation when I knew my gm wasn't coming home and didn't have long left.

EightiesChick · 21/01/2012 22:09

Is there a part of the ground floor of the hospital that has good-sized windows? Cafe, as other people have said? If so, could she get taken down there and you could take him into the grounds so she can see him through the window? Am aware typing this that it sounds bizarre but it's one of those situations - she could at least then see your DS 'in person' but without the risk.

Tonksforthememories · 21/01/2012 22:26

My MIL was in hospital when DD2 was born, not for as long as yours i'll admit, but i wasn't allowed to take any children under 6 onto the ward. Hospital policy and they were unmoving on that.

Can she get out to the cafe at all? you could meet her there?

Eglu · 21/01/2012 22:32

It seems like you may not be allowed to anyway. I hope that is the case because it closes the argument.

minired · 21/01/2012 22:44

My grandmother was admitted to hospital very shortly before my DD was born. She was her first great-grandchild. Unfortunately her condition took a very severe turn for the worse when DD was about 5 weeks old. I was all set to take her in but on the day the nurses on the ward said it would be extremely inadvisable with such a small baby. Sadly she died shortly after this.

It's incredibly sad that they never met in real life, but my GM knew about her, saw photos and reportedly boasted about her to nurses. I take great comfort in this, because I know not taking her in was really the best thing to do, but it was still very heartwrenching all the same.

Hopefully it's not as serious a case! However it must be really hard for your MIL not to get the chance to meet your baby right away, but I'm sure she'd understand and really appreciate photos/skype/meeting through a window! After all, how bad would she feel if you did bring the baby in and a bug was caught?

bemybebe · 21/01/2012 22:48

Take a laptop to her (with a dongle) and SKYPE.
No reason to take such a small baby to a place full of health hazards.

doughnutty · 21/01/2012 23:04

We had a nurse say something to us when we took DS to visit my dad. I hadn't given it any thought. DS was 1 year old. She said they discouraged it til they were 18 months+.

If I had thought about it I might not have taken him even though dad was v poorly, not infectious, and I was worried he might not get better.

Probably wouldn't take a newborn.

bobbledunk · 21/01/2012 23:13

Take him, wrap him up well and maybe put a little surgical mask on him so he is protected from germsGrin.

Seriously, there is less risk to your baby from a surgical ward than there is from being in the same room as a toddler (truly filthy little creatures who shit everywhere).