to be so upset

[jan2011]

dh and i been arguing a lot today. baby is bf during day and gets bottle of formula at night by dh (won't take it from me) today, i was supposed to stay at mums for a night or two so he could go out tonight. ended up baby was extremely unsettled and i wasn't feeling the best so i decided i didn't want to take her (its a 50 min drive) and us be out of routine etc, so my mum and dad said they would come up to babysit for me in the house. he was angry with me for that for a start as he wanted me out of the house. that took awhile to settle. was ibu? then, once he comes in tonight he looks at the baby, and says 'sorry hon ill have to wrap you up again cos youll end up dead if i don't' . mum and i had swaddled her - yes we did it differently to the way he does it as he puts her to bed, but we had swaddled her and no she wasn't going to end up dead mum has had 3 kids she is not stupid, and it may not have been as tight or as neat as what he does it but i am just so so so upset i can't stop crying - i am fed up of hurtful comments and don't know how much longer i can stay with him. he knows i am awake yet he completely ignores me - he knows i am crying - yet he will act like the one who has the right to be upset tomorrow as he didn't get to fully enjoy his night out as he had us in the house and my family had to come up and babysit etc etc. amibu here, would you be upset?

What strange responses to this thread. I can completely imagine me saying to my parents "DH is going out, so the baby and I will come over for the night" then saying "we don't actually feel up to the journey" and the GP's saying "oh don't worry, why don't we come round to yours then, and we'll do the evening feed for you. Don't worry, we'll bring food and a DVD." That seems perfectly normal to me!

OP, your DH's comment about the swaddling was mean, but we can't judge your marriage from one comment. I'm glad you are going to counselling and you obviously have a close and supportive family. I hope everything works out ok for you all.

OP - what age are you? You both sound very young and under an awful lot of pressure :(

You're both exhausted and probably in shock what with trying to get used to a far different way of life with a new little person who demands you put them first.

My DS is 14 months and has only just started sleeping through. My DH and I are only just starting to like each other again after a year of either arguing or not talking.

The thing is, my DH is my best friend and we both knew it was the stress of a new baby and sleepless nights that were causing the problems and not that we'd stopped loving each other.

How were things before? If they were fine then please give each other a bit of leeway and know that although life will never be the same again, things will settle down, you won't feel so set against each other and one day you'll be able to laugh about this.

Good luck.

I really cannot imagine being ok with someone rather l wasnt there in my own home. Surely a persons home is the one place they should feel comfortable and ..well..at home not like an unwanted nuisance !! Just who the hell does he think he is?