To think that getting a baby who sleeps well is luck of the draw?

[pleasethanks]

Obviously I understand that there are things you can do to encourage your baby to sleep, but I think that by and large, the type of sleeper you get (generally talking about the first 6 months) is luck.

I was very lucky that my DD slept through from an early age, I don't know why she did, but glad that she did. Napping on the other hand was a fricking nightmare.

However, my MIL and a friend of mine, both of whom had good night sleepers, think it is nothing to do with luck.....

AIBU to think that is a pile of shite

Yanbu - dc1 and dc3 fantastic sleepers. Dc2 however was for ages.

Thankfully all good sleepers now!

Yes totaly luck,

Oh and I can syperthies on the MIL front. DD was a bad sleeper from day one she kept on at me how my DH had slept through from 8week's for over a year. Then when DD was around 18months ish she finialy admited how SIL had always been a bad sleeper.

Luckly DD is know a good sleeper but It's absolutly nothing I did. DS on the other hand I have no idea how well he sleep's as after my first decided we'd co-sleep untill he at lest has all his teeth. Some times' I think he goes from 11-6am which I think is fab for a 13month old.

You still think that LeQ, despite all the examples given on this thread alone?!

Mostly luck.
Also how often they wake isn't the only factor - I remember someone commiserating with me when I said ds age 1 was always waking a couple times in the night, when I'd been feeling sorry for her!
Her dd was waking usually once but sometimes not at all, but would then scream for an hour or more and then be up for the day at 5am.
My ds would wake, I'd feed him, we'd both be asleep again in under 10 minutes, and he'd wake around 8am.

She couldn't believe that a baby could resettle and go back to sleep in under half an hour. Just because mine could didn't mean hers would.

90% luck, 10% what you do as a parent I reckon - as in, you can tweak them a bit round the ages, but not change their fundamental nature.

DD1 was a rubbish sleeper as a baby and is now great as a toddler. DD1 is little and still rubbish.

A friend parented her three children the same. One slept through at 3 months, one at six, and one at six years.

I am another who thinks that the people who believe that the parent totally controls things are usually those who have naturally good sleeping/routine inclined babies.

Totally luck IMO - parents then adapt to what they have been given.

I have had 2 excellent sleepers (DS1 generally slept through from 4 weeks, DS2 from 10 weeks) and I take absolutely no credit for this - I am convinced we just struck lucky.

DS1 had a few wibbles when he was moved to a bed as he used to try it on and, yes, we had to adapt our parenting style to combat this. I can count on 3 fingers one hand the number of times DS2 has woken up in the middle of the night since he was 10 weeks old - he is now 3.2 and has always trotted off to bed happily.

But on the flip side, they are early risers (usually 6.30ish) so you can't have everything can you?

I think some of it is luck but i think some parents have unrealistic expectations. my df was concerned her 6 week old did not sleep through????

Luck I think.

DD1 slept through at 8 weeks but never slept during the day unless in the car. I used to never get a minute to myself.

DD2 was a shocker regarding sleep and didn't sleep through until she was about 2. And the only reason she did sleep at 2 years old was because we brought her bed into our room. From that night on she slept like a baby [!] and we wished we'd done it much sooner.

YANBU, total luck!

One of my Fb friends posted this morning that she was glad her two (3ish and 6mo) don't sleep, as children who sleep through the night are usually brainwashed, ignored and neglected. I quite like her ability to turn sleepless nights into a positive re her excellent parenting, but I was a bit (esp as my son, who was neither brainwashed nor neglected and is impossible to ignore has slept through since around his first b'day). She is mad as a box of frogs though, so I let it drop.

Absolutely luck although sleep training may work when they're older admittedly.

Ds didn't sleep much as a tiny baby, didn't cry much just didn't sleep.

Dd slept like a log for practically the first 8 months of her life - she self settled, fell asleep on the couch etc, ds would just never, ever, ever have done that. I remember her drifting off to sleep as a newborn in her moses basket - no cuddling, swinging, feeding required - I thought there was something wrong with her!

Utter luck snorting at "technique". My mum also had 3 great sleepers and came to stay with us when I was at my wits end with DD1 who WOULD NOT SLEEP to sort us all out. She stayed 3 days before admitting that no, there was nothing she, I or anyone could do, and scuttled back to Somerset. Then DD2 was born who slept through from 6 weeks I did nothing differently they are just different temperaments.

Warning to anyone who thinks it is down to technique don't say that to sleep deprived mothers of tiny babies your personal safety will be at risk.

Lesley really?? Can you tell me any more about that? Have never heard that before.

Have thought about this quite a bit, usually in the depths of the night sitting beside a cot or rocking, bouncing...

I have a theory (based on anecdotes/observation rather than actual science!) that most babies seem to need to pass through some kind of learning to sleep phase at some point. I've noticed that children who 'slept through' (so dislike that phrase) very early, would often tend to go through a more wakeful phase later on in life, maybe as toddlers. At some point we all have had to learn to settle ourselves back to sleep at night when we wake up. As others have said, when child stops sleeping so well, the parents who thought it was all down to their skillful approach initially, tend to suffer more than those who accept it's just a part of life.

Mind you, this idea of mine was probably thought up to console myself when I've been awake all night as none of my three slept well at all for the first 6 months while other parents were blissfully telling me how much their 5 day old slept at night!

No no no! I simply willnot have it! DD slept 12 hours from age 6 wks and THIS WAS ENTIRELY DUE TO MY GENIUS PARENTING TECHNIQUES. I did drop her slightly on her head at age 4 wks ish but that's beside the point.

Nothing will guarantee a great sleeper, but there ate things you can do which will almost guarantee a bad one (letting them get out of bed then stay up in front of the TV until they drop then carrying them up to bed for example - but there are probably children who you could do that with who'd still then sleep through until 8am - children are strange).

95% yes

I was lucky three times, but I might be wrong, it might all be down to my perfect parenting

A bit of both I think, but mostly luck. DD has never had trouble going to bed, just staying asleep.

We used to bring her to bed when she woke and then she started sleeping through when she started walking. She just wasn't tired before that, and being a late walker and late crawler she just wasn't using any energy.

I think routines can help, but some people just need more sleep than others.

I do think it's partly luck, partly circumstance and also expectation.
I expected that my DC1 would be like I had been and keep me awake every night for just under four years, but as it happens she's up every 3/4 hours to eat (when not teething/growth spurt) - I'm more than happy with the status quo but people I have spoken to whose DCs have similar sleep patterns are disappointed that they 'still aren't STTN' and are gearing up for CC and CIO. Expectations- see what I mean?

YANBU. DSIL and DBIL kids are complete opposite. Niece slept like a log almost frmo birth and still sleeps 12-13 hours a night solid at 5. Nephew woke frequently as a baby and now wakes them up at about 5.30am every morning at age 2 1/2.

Before 6 months yes, luck. After 6 months (def after 9 months) not luck.

Well, I'm 30 and a crap sleeper, not sure how that works then!

luck plays a small part, genetics a larger part but parenting plays the biggest part (IMO)

I have 3 children myself and worked as a maternity nurse for several years. You wouldn't believe some of the things that I have heard and seen by (sleep deprived) parents

My first (a dd) slept through at 4 weeks for the first time and from 6 weeks most nights
my ds1 had slight reflux and colic but still slept through from 12 weeks
my ds2 had awful reflux (and "failure to thrive") and didn't sleep through until 16 weeks (all breast fed)

Every baby that I have worked with (from newborn) has slept through the night by 12 weeks (unless premature or reflux). I have never left a baby to cry and always encouraged the parents to cuddle the baby if baby was upset.

Personality, definitley.

DD1 was dreadful. Woke 7 times a night until she was 13mths, we co-slept and bf on demand but we tried contolled crying at 9mths, she screamed for six solid hours despite us having given up after an hour. Now, at 5 she goes to sleep quickly, at a reasonable time, either while being read to or listening to an audio book...we still have no bedtime routine as such and no set bedtimes.

DD2 is amazing. She slept through most nights by three months and never woke at night before she was six months old. Co-slept and bf on demand. She is 2.9 now and goes to sleep often without us noticing as it happens so fast, she just likes someone in the room with her, again no routine or set bed times.

DD3 is only five weeks, but is much more like DD2. She usually wakes once a night and goes straight back to sleep after milk, we're also co-sleeping and bfing on demand.

ImNotScared No it is luck that your children slept through without sleep training. I was also a nanny and maternity nurse before having DS. I did not cause DS to get seperation anxiety.

It's luck if your child sleeps through without sleep training. Since day 1 I had a really strict bedtime routine and never fed or rocked to sleep. DS could self settle by a few weeks old and I night weaned around 14 weeks. From 14 weeks till 6 months he slept through. At 6 months he got terrible seperation anxiety and would scream to the point of being sick if I left them room whilst he was still awake and started waking up constantly. He is now 11 months old and we co-sleep as otherwise he is a nightmare. I guess it's my fault that he doesn't sleep through as I'm nor prepared to do CC or CIO.