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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this man is a bit too much

101 replies

LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 18:25

I met a man working at a local shop, he seemed nice and we got talking, we arranged a date and although we had never met out of this shop, even from the start he was full on. We had gone bowling, which I'm crap at, my first bowl was a gutter ball which he felt he had console me with a kiss and a cuddle, which I felt was a bit too forward for a first date.. this happened for every good and every bad bowl, which made for a very uncomfortable evening as I'm not really an outwardly touchy feely person, but I tried to not let it bother me, because I do like it when I am close to someone I like them to be affectionate and didn't want to make him not be like that if things went any further..

The next time I saw him, he came over to mine to watch a film with me, he brought with him a bottle of coke, with vodka poured in (this man is almost 30) and we cuddled up on the sofa. I don't mind this, but he has his arm around me, holding both of my hands, had his knee pushed against mine, and his cheek pressed up against my cheek! I felt like a magnet being cuddled by iron filings!! He readjusted to me every time i tried to get a bit more space, he was so close we were actually breathing each others air!

Every time I turned to look at him he was gazing at me like THIS

Every now and then he would kiss me, turning it into a snog which he pressed his face into mine so much I couldn't even kiss him back if I wanted to, and when I moved my head back he came with me until I was completely against the sofa, so I put my hand on his neck and tried to gently push him away, instead of taking the hint he just carried on pushing. I think if I had been standing up I would have been tempted to knee him in the balls!
When the film finished it was silent, so I put another on, when that one finished I tried to make conversation, I just got dead end answers.

at 00.40ish the other night I was in bed and got a text from him saying he was outside, I stayed quiet and pretended I was asleep. The next night he did it again, but I was in the front of the house and he could clearly see I was up, I had just got out of the shower and was toweled up, I told him that he couldn't come in because I'd just got out the shower, but when I opened the door he just came in.. kept hugging and kissing me at the door until he realised I wasn't going to invite him in further then he went.

The other night I was at an evening course, whist there I got a series of texts from him, the brief conversation went
Him "I thought you were on your course"
Me "I'm there now"
Him "Your car has just driven past me"
Me "I hope not otherwise I can't get home, lol"
Him "Well it looked like it, sorry I asked"
Me "I just checked, it's outside, lol"
Him "ok cool"
(My car is quite recognisable, I don't see how he could have got it mixed up)

He wanted to come here tonight, so I made an excuse, I asked him what he was up to, he responded with "nothing now"

I have ignored any calls, texts, pokes and indirect facebook status's since but I'm a bit worried he's going to turn up at my house at some point..

Your thoughts on this strange man please, he is too much isn't he!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 19:31

Garlic Grin

"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, I died earlier in a car accident. I'm sorry you won't be able to see me again, I'm being cremated to make sure of it! Have a nice life, hope you find someone else to stalk soon, love LMLM xx"

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/01/2012 19:32

Does anyone remember the Friends episode where Chandler pretends to move to the Middle East? Do that.

IWantMyHatBack · 18/01/2012 19:32

I went out with someone like this once, very very over the top. Told me he loved me on the second (and last) date. After I told him it wasn't working he got very mean and controlling - demanded the CD that he'd left at my house or he'd come round and get it, sending me weird messages like 'I loved, you hated, I hope you never have love again' and all sorts of weird shit.

Then he applied for a job to be my assistant!! Luckily I was the one screening the CVs (thank FECK) so he didn't get a look in.

He was only about my size though, so was never scared that he could hurt me or anything, but he was definitely the type to stalk and cause trouble though.. dick.

Mya2403 · 18/01/2012 19:32

STALKER ALERT!!!!

D0G · 18/01/2012 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eatyouwithaspoon · 18/01/2012 19:34

I would take control and ring (or text) now and tell him nicely but very firmly its not working out for you and leave it at that no false hope with lets be friends etc.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 18/01/2012 19:37

Run. Like the wind.

sunshineoutdoors · 18/01/2012 19:39

Hmmm, tricky one, I've never been the best at the old splitting up thing. Maybe something about realising you don't have feelings for him in that way, and you think it's best to end things now while it's still casual and early days. Or you could tell him that it has made you feel uneasy how fast things are moving and you feel uncomfortable about it so you don't want to continue seeing him.

Or you could lie and say something along the lines of ex boyfriend who you never got over properly is back on the scene and you are going to give it another try? DISCLAIMER: I'm sure this is probably not the best option and honesty is usually the best policy but I'm such a coward this is probably what I'd do - could possibly make him more likely to leave you alone if he thinks there's another man on the scene though, what do others here think???

If you do tell him it's over and he is persistent. I think you should tell him that he is making you feel uncomfortable and you would like him to stop contacting you. If it still continues then you need to be very firm.

sunshineoutdoors · 18/01/2012 19:41

eatyouwithaspoon I think that's good to say it's not working out for you. I don't think you even have to give a reason.

aldiwhore · 18/01/2012 19:41

I felt claustraphobic reading your op LMLM and I'm quite touchy feely (not irritatingly so I hope) I think you need to have a talk about space, you just notbeing that into them, it moving too fast... be firm. Maybe he could be a nice guy who is doing what he thinks he should (although you should still dump him!) but you need to be firmer.

A reply to his text re seeing your car should have been "WTF? You stalking me??? Ha ha. Chill"

By all means be careful, be polite, but be firm. Eeek.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 18/01/2012 19:42

And once you have broken it off, have a think about why you didn't do it sooner. You were uncomfortable on the first date. You don't - especially on a first date - need to be putting up with behaviour you're not ok with.

zookeeper · 18/01/2012 19:45

did it not cross your mind when you were watching the film to tell him he was making you feel uncomfortable???? You need some serious assertiveness training. How old are you??

storminabuttercup · 18/01/2012 19:45

How about 'sorry I cannot see you or text, my husband is out on early release from the slammer, if he finds out about you he'll end up back in. Take care!'

*disclaimer, this is a joke before anyone gets antsy!

cookielove · 18/01/2012 19:47

Has he shown up tonight, or is usually later?

I have changed my mind, i still think you should end this, but i agree you should not say lets be friends, just end it.

newbiedoobiedoo · 18/01/2012 19:49

Actually, thinking more about this, if nobody has every told him he's way too much, maybe he genuinely thinks that he's being smooth?!

He didn't know you were uncomfortable because you made no effort to tell him! If you like him, and you don't think he's dangerous, maybe tell him to back off a bit?

*disclaimer: I'd get rid because he sounds like a creep to me :)

KirstiesHomeMadeCrap · 18/01/2012 19:50

Yeah do Jemen. 47 Jemen Road.!! friends are great

happydotcom · 18/01/2012 19:54

Scary.

I'd just run, delete from Fb etc. He's way too needy and a bit odd

GirlWithPointyShoes · 18/01/2012 19:58

I agree with Narky, You don't have to be rude to enforce your own boundaries (if that's what you are worried about), A simple "This is making me feel uncomfortable" is all you need to say. Any man worth his salt would apologize and back off in future. It's actually a great way to sort the good guys from the wankers tbh.

You know by now that his behavior is odd but even if he were doing something considered "normal" and you didn't like it you should still speak up. As others have said just tell him it isn't working for you and if he asks why? Reply that it's just not, sorry. Don't pander to him or offer him excuses because he will only try and get around them.

I hope everything goes OK.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 18/01/2012 19:58

'I'm sorry I couldn't answer your calls last night. I get this thing where sometimes I think I'm a boxer dog with only three legs, I know it sounds strange but EVERY time it happens I have to take myself down to the PDSA and get myself checked over. LOL I know they think I'm nuts but they always reassure me! I mean reassure me that I've got four legs as well as not being a boxer dog. Anyway you know what I mean. I'm off on holiday for the next fortnight but will give you a call when I'm back yeah?'

Madness and a bit of distance. Might do the trick.

NewGirlInTown · 18/01/2012 20:10

Totally agree withViviPru. You need to take more care of your personal safety and GET RID of stalky stalkerson at once.
Surely the dating pool in your area isn't so dry that you would consider continuing this, which has abuse written all over it.

runningwilde · 18/01/2012 21:16

Lie! Say you are not over your old boyfriend/not ready for a relationship/you are gay... Anything to get him off your back!

Selks · 18/01/2012 21:27

Here's what you say -

"I need to let you know that I'm not interested in a second date. It's just not working for me. I don't want to see you again or be contacted by you in any way. Please don't ring or come to my house. Best wishes for the future. Bye"

That is it. Be assertive.....you need to be. Think of it as a lesson learned.

CrabbyBigbottom · 18/01/2012 21:28

Good god in fucking heaven. Shock Run, RUN, run for the hills!

Original poster
LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 21:29

So I sent a really long rambled text which has taken me since my last post on here up to about 5 mins ago to write, he kind of made it easier because he sent me a text saying "can I ask you something" so I replied "what's that" because I knew I was going to be telling him, he asked me if I thought he was boyfriend material. The response was 4 texts long! But I think he has got the idea, be replied to it saying "cheers and thanks and I really am sorry"

Feeling relieved, and just hoping he ain't some kinda crazy

OP posts:
sunshineoutdoors · 18/01/2012 21:35

Well done, I hope that's the end of that. Please come back for support if it's not and let us know what's going on

and tell us what it was you sent to him in reply