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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this man is a bit too much

101 replies

LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 18:25

I met a man working at a local shop, he seemed nice and we got talking, we arranged a date and although we had never met out of this shop, even from the start he was full on. We had gone bowling, which I'm crap at, my first bowl was a gutter ball which he felt he had console me with a kiss and a cuddle, which I felt was a bit too forward for a first date.. this happened for every good and every bad bowl, which made for a very uncomfortable evening as I'm not really an outwardly touchy feely person, but I tried to not let it bother me, because I do like it when I am close to someone I like them to be affectionate and didn't want to make him not be like that if things went any further..

The next time I saw him, he came over to mine to watch a film with me, he brought with him a bottle of coke, with vodka poured in (this man is almost 30) and we cuddled up on the sofa. I don't mind this, but he has his arm around me, holding both of my hands, had his knee pushed against mine, and his cheek pressed up against my cheek! I felt like a magnet being cuddled by iron filings!! He readjusted to me every time i tried to get a bit more space, he was so close we were actually breathing each others air!

Every time I turned to look at him he was gazing at me like THIS

Every now and then he would kiss me, turning it into a snog which he pressed his face into mine so much I couldn't even kiss him back if I wanted to, and when I moved my head back he came with me until I was completely against the sofa, so I put my hand on his neck and tried to gently push him away, instead of taking the hint he just carried on pushing. I think if I had been standing up I would have been tempted to knee him in the balls!
When the film finished it was silent, so I put another on, when that one finished I tried to make conversation, I just got dead end answers.

at 00.40ish the other night I was in bed and got a text from him saying he was outside, I stayed quiet and pretended I was asleep. The next night he did it again, but I was in the front of the house and he could clearly see I was up, I had just got out of the shower and was toweled up, I told him that he couldn't come in because I'd just got out the shower, but when I opened the door he just came in.. kept hugging and kissing me at the door until he realised I wasn't going to invite him in further then he went.

The other night I was at an evening course, whist there I got a series of texts from him, the brief conversation went
Him "I thought you were on your course"
Me "I'm there now"
Him "Your car has just driven past me"
Me "I hope not otherwise I can't get home, lol"
Him "Well it looked like it, sorry I asked"
Me "I just checked, it's outside, lol"
Him "ok cool"
(My car is quite recognisable, I don't see how he could have got it mixed up)

He wanted to come here tonight, so I made an excuse, I asked him what he was up to, he responded with "nothing now"

I have ignored any calls, texts, pokes and indirect facebook status's since but I'm a bit worried he's going to turn up at my house at some point..

Your thoughts on this strange man please, he is too much isn't he!

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 18/01/2012 18:56

Vivi - Grin

newbiedoobiedoo · 18/01/2012 18:56

He sounds 14 with overactive hormones! Answer the phone and tell him you're busy for the rest of forever! Yuck!

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/01/2012 18:56

We need to know how old you both are he is.

CamberwickGreen · 18/01/2012 18:57

what did he say when you told him you were uncomfortable with him turning up uninvited

ViviPru · 18/01/2012 18:58

He's almost 30, MrsT. Almost 30 and swigging vodka n coke out of a plaggy bottle. Sounds like a catch

MyOhMyOh · 18/01/2012 18:58

OP said he's 30. What a fucknut he sounds.

LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 19:00

Pmsl Vivi, I didn't notice the link for a moment and didn't want to look through the curtains! Don't scare me like that!! haha.
I have no idea how you would know he was out there, but you almost gave me a heart attack! lol

He is 28, he was living with his ex a long distance away until about 6 months ago, so has moved back in with his parents until he gets back onto his feet, they live in the middle of no-where and he doesn't yet drive (thank god)

OP posts:
DublinMammy · 18/01/2012 19:01

Er, he sounds like a potential stalker. Can't believe how much contact you allowed after weirdy first date, silly if you were so uncomfortable.

FlightRisk · 18/01/2012 19:01

Male bunny boiler defo get rid!!!

LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 19:02

and for the record, I'm 25

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/01/2012 19:05

He's too old to be behaving like this without SERIOUS issues. Get rid and go away for a couple of weeks he sounds quite worrying.

Shutupanddrive · 18/01/2012 19:07

Wow! Please get rid of him ASAP. He seems the sort who doesn't take a hint so make sure your clear your not interested before he gets any more weird

yellowraincoat · 18/01/2012 19:08

OP, you sound like you are way too nice and you will continue to attract these types unless you sharpen up. He was all over you, you didn't feel comfortable, but you let it continue. You don't HAVE to let someone touch you if you don't like it, even if you feel uncomfortable telling them no.

You let him in because you felt awkward that his dad was outside. Again, it's not your business if he feels uncomfortable. Tell him you're busy and shut the door.

He sounds like a sad sack.

shouldabeenwashedinajug · 18/01/2012 19:08

Sorry, but this is a really scary thread.

This forceful guy who physically intimidates you came into your home.

What if he'd put something worse than vodka in the coke?

You sound a bit like just because he's acting a bit geeky, he couldn't hurt you. He could. The whole situation sounds dangerous to me.

WorraLiberty · 18/01/2012 19:10

Is my memory playing tricks on me OP or did you start a thread about this when you first met him...asking if you should go on the date or something?

boredandrestless · 18/01/2012 19:12

He sounds CRAZY!

I agree with others that you need to work on your personal boundaries. Why didn't you tell him you didn't want hugging and kissing on the 1st date after the 1st time he did it? Why after such a weird first date did you invite him into your home??

run. run like the wind.

lubeybooby · 18/01/2012 19:15

Holy cow - way way way way way way way way too much.

Glad you are getting rid.

Be prepared to change your number and have a diary ready to log stalking attempt... because I'm really worried he could be a problem. Good luck.

sunshineoutdoors · 18/01/2012 19:17

I felt very claustrophobic just reading your op. I hate this because you sound like a nice person who doesn't want to cause offence, but his behaviour means you know you are going to have to hurt his feelings - as quite an amiable person myself, I know how horrible and hard this is.

I do think you need to be cruel to be kind though, and sooner rather than later. Just be firm and don't feel bad and backtrack if he gets upset, I get the feeling if you give him an inch he'll take a mile. It can be tempting to say things like you want to be friends, but unless you really do I think it's probably best you only see him when you're buying petrol.

I don't want to alarm you at all, but he sounds like he might be quite persistent. Do you have anyone who can come over and support you while you kindly break it off? In case he decides to come round again. It can be easier to have someone with you who can help you be firm if you're finding it hard because you feel bad.

Keep asking on here for opinions/support if he turns weirder.

Garliccheesechips · 18/01/2012 19:19

Text him to say you've died..

BibiBlocksberg · 18/01/2012 19:21

Another one chiming in with run run run.

Characters like that tend to convince themselves that they're suffocating affection and advances are wanted and even enjoyed without the slightest evidence.

He is ignoring all of your cues of discomfort already (pushing harder when you try to get him away from you etc)

This will only get worse I fear, time to tell him you don't want to see him again.

sunshineoutdoors · 18/01/2012 19:23

I just want to say again I think you should let someone in rl know what is going on, if you haven't already.

runningwilde · 18/01/2012 19:24

End it now
I am amazed you key him know where you live after weird first date. Do you live alone?

storminabuttercup · 18/01/2012 19:24

Another one saying ditch him!

I would have launched a bowling ball to his knackers the first time he got too close at bowling!

Are you going to text him then?

LittleMissLoserMagnet · 18/01/2012 19:28

Worra, not me, what was the overall outcome of that thread?

Oh, I hate confrontation, I was hoping to just text less and less and I guess 'drift apart' so he didn't feel rejected.

Apparently the last 2 woman he has been out on dates with 'just wanted to be friends' - not fucking surprised..

I have been ignoring my house phone because I can't remember if he has it or not..

So yeah, what should I say to him?

"fuck the fuck off calling me and texting me, I wanted to be nice about this but you clearly can't take the hint, leave me alone you creepy perv"

Or can I not just delete him off FB, ignore his texts/calls and move house and hope he actually backs off?

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 18/01/2012 19:29

Yes dont say anything about wanting 'to be friends'

People like that take that as them still having a chance.

You must be blunt and to the point.