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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to insist DS2 wears a coat that he quite clearly hates?

73 replies

ceebeegeebies · 18/01/2012 15:44

He is 3.2 and I bought him a lovely padded warm coat for winter - he has hated it since I bought it

Every morning, we go through the same old argument where he kicks off about wearing it, I tell him he has got to wear it, he refuses, I say 'well you can go out without a coat on then' and then he gives in and comes to the door asking me to put it on It is becoming very wearing to be honest.

I know he prefers another lighter jacket that he has but it is not warm enough for a day at nursery in the winter (as they go out and play quite a bit). I let him wear his favourite jacket at weekends and I have tried explaining to him that his big brother doesn't like wearing his school uniform/coat every day and would much prefer to wear something else but he has to - makes no difference.

All I want him to do is wear this coat for nursery - AIBU expecting my 3 year old to just put it on and quit whinging every day about it??

OP posts:

seeker · 18/01/2012 15:45

Can he explain why he doesn't like it?

CoffeeDog · 18/01/2012 15:53

My twins are 3 They HATED their nursery coats i bought for them...... Screamed took them off etc.... wandered them down to Tesco got 2 for £12 they both chose the same one though - so now nursery think i am one of 'those' twin mummies......

CoffeeDog · 18/01/2012 15:54

(they are nice thick padded ones as well - propper bargin :) and smiles at nursery time instead. Well worth it!

celebmum · 18/01/2012 15:58

YANBU really, you're mum and to be fair what you say 'should' go!

.......but is it really worth the hassle? sell the lovely warm coat as nearly new on ebay and take DS2 to ASDA george or TESCOs and let him choose a suitable one. This way you both win, he'll get ready without a fuss and you're happy in the knowledge he'll be safe and warm at nursery !!!

LordOfTheFlies · 18/01/2012 16:02

My brother refused to wear a perfectly good navy blue coat because someone said it was a 'girls coat'. It wasn't BTW, it wasn't as though it was a hand down from his sisters.It fastened on the boys side

My DS took against a padded coat (bargain from Matalan, shades of blue) because he said it was a 'fat coat'. Even now he won't wear anything padded, (he's a stick insect) so I never buy it.

Maybe someone has said something to him?

YANBU to expect him to wear the coat (but to expect a 3 yo to stop whinging???? )

startail · 18/01/2012 16:03

May be it's simply too hot or too bulky.
I'm always freezing, I have to remember that the DDs, like Dad, are often not.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/01/2012 16:04

YANBU! My DS has a coat which he absolutely hates...it's one of those padded ones and he says it makes him look "chubby"!

He's stopped moaning now, he knows he doesnt get a choice!

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 18/01/2012 16:28

Yep it is one of those padded ones that makes him look like Michelin Man (albeit a green one )

It was already a bargain - £9 from Sainsburys and I really don't want to buy him another one as I know he would just say he doesn't like any of them and he only wants to wear his 'digger' coat! Plus he is only in it for 5 minutes for the drop-off in the morning and 5 minutes for the drive home (both usually in the car) - which I know makes it seem like a pointless argument as his 'digger' coat would do for that but it is just I know nursery would be judgemental if I sent him in his 'digger' coat for playing out times etc

He is an awful creature of habit which makes life difficult anyway - whenever he grows out of his shoes, we have constant whinging about his new shoes and he only ever wants his old ones.

OP posts:

TheProvincialLady · 18/01/2012 16:53

If he is wearing this massive coat for car journeys, does it make him feel sick? I hate wearing big coats in the car.

But otherwise, YANBU.

Callisto · 18/01/2012 16:57

Let him help choose next time? DD (6yo) has been helping to choose her clothes since she could express a preference and hasn't taken against anything yet. She does have great taste though (better than her mother, that's for sure).

Also, wearing big padded coats in the car can be really uncomfortable. Does he have to wear it for the car journey?

ragged · 18/01/2012 17:00

If he's really only in it for 5 minutes twice a day, most of which time he's in the car, he really doesn't need a big coat at all. YABU. Unless you live in Norway, maybe?

ouryve · 18/01/2012 17:01

DS1 is 8 and hates his winter coat because it's bulky and heavy. He stops complaining and even asks me to fasten it when it's -4 out, though!

ragged · 18/01/2012 17:01

oh wait, you're worrying about what the Nursery judge?
You could even not make him wear the coat en route but just hang it on the peg for him to use there, no??? For that matter, he could leave it there overnight, I imagine.

cmt1375 · 18/01/2012 17:02

padded coats can be dangerous when worn in car seats, see

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 18/01/2012 17:36

Ah. So it's not that he hates the new coat it's that he hates change and prefers the old coat?

'Lose' the old coat. If it's there as an option he'll keep making a fuss and want to wear that instead.

waterlego6064 · 18/01/2012 17:43

YANBU.

We've had the same problem as LordofTheFlies with our 6 year-old DD refusing to wear a padded coat as it makes her look 'puffy'. It was a hand-me-down that has been knocking about since last winter so I didn't mind getting rid of it and buying her a new one (which she came with me to choose :))

My 3 year-old DS intensely dislikes a coat I wear which my MIL handed down to me. It is a 70s-looking long suede coat with very furry cuffs and collar (not real fur). DS HATES the fur and won't let me anywhere near him if I'm wearing it. He won't even sit in the back of the car if the coat is on the floor there. His stock response is 'I don't like the fluff' but he can't really say why. He wouldn't get anywhere near Father Christmas last month for the same reason.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 18/01/2012 17:52

If its a good nursery, they won't judge.

They can't force children to wear coats either. At the nursery I used to work in, we wouldn't let children go outside without their coats on, but if they wanted to take them off after a while we'd let them. Even when it was freezing. I think it's better to let them make their own choices about these things, and it is certainly not worth you and ds having aggravation every morning.

It's sad that you would rather argue with your child every day than have nursery judge you, which they shouldn't do anyway.

Just talk to them. They would rather your child was comfortable, and they will be able to explain their coats rules to you so you can deal with it together.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 18/01/2012 18:08

Ok, when I say nursery may judge, what I really meant is that I don't want him to be in a position where they perhaps won't let him play outside because his preferred coat isn't appropriate as that wouldn't be fair on him if all his friends are out (don't know whether nursery would actually do this or not).

Quite like the idea of leaving on his hook at nursery - that might be better but then he would still want to wear his preferred coat if I had taken him in that in the morning iyswim.

I can't lose his preferred 'digger' coat as it is like a fake-fur lined jacket type thing which will be absolutely fine in late winter/early Spring so I don't want to get rid of it as it is lovely and I can see why he likes it and he will get plenty of use out of it in a few weeks time

Maybe I should just let him choose to wear whatever coat he wants and suffer the consequences...but I guess part of me is digging my heels in because I chose the coat and want him to get some wear out of it

Stubbornness I think on both parts

OP posts:

diabolo · 18/01/2012 18:12

Don't mean to sound harsh OP, but at 3 years old your DS should not be dictating to you what he will or won't wear surely?

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 18/01/2012 18:17

diabolo no I don't think so which is why I was asking AIBU - but he clearly hates this coat with a passion so I did wonder a little if I was being unfair by forcing him to wear it.

I do generally let him choose his own tops - which basically means he wears Fireman Sam and Mickey Mouse on rotation - so I am not a total dragon

OP posts:

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 18/01/2012 18:18

I can't lose his preferred 'digger' coat as it is like a fake-fur lined jacket type thing which will be absolutely fine in late winter/early Spring

Ah, but that's when you 'find' it again

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 18/01/2012 18:18

It could go 'to the cleaners'.

latrucha · 18/01/2012 18:18

rofl diablo - they will try whether or not they get their way.

What about the car thing. We got over this with DD when we allowed her not to wear it in the car. She was uncomfortable and too hot.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 18/01/2012 18:19

Ah I see - missed the point on that one didn't I? But again, I do let him wear it at weekends so still can't really lose it every Monday morning and re-find it every Friday night can I??

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 18/01/2012 18:21

My youngest always hated those type of coats.

Once he was older and able to explain he said its because they are 'too thick' to run in.

It makes sense.

I dont buy him bulky coats anymore, but he wears several thin layers instead..which also makes sense!

diablo is it dictating? or is he just expressing that he isnt comfortable?

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