to insist DS2 wears a coat that he quite clearly hates?

[ceebeegeebies]

He is 3.2 and I bought him a lovely padded warm coat for winter - he has hated it since I bought it

Every morning, we go through the same old argument where he kicks off about wearing it, I tell him he has got to wear it, he refuses, I say 'well you can go out without a coat on then' and then he gives in and comes to the door asking me to put it on It is becoming very wearing to be honest.

I know he prefers another lighter jacket that he has but it is not warm enough for a day at nursery in the winter (as they go out and play quite a bit). I let him wear his favourite jacket at weekends and I have tried explaining to him that his big brother doesn't like wearing his school uniform/coat every day and would much prefer to wear something else but he has to - makes no difference.

All I want him to do is wear this coat for nursery - AIBU expecting my 3 year old to just put it on and quit whinging every day about it??

Alice, usually they do, but if they won't then a nursery worker cannot physically force them. They can make them stay inside though.

My nursery had freeflow so the children could choose to be in or out most of the time. I don't remember the problem ever occurring when we went on proper outings though. IMO, it's about helping children learn to make their own healthy choices, and they cant learn to do that if they never get a chance to make a descison or see what the consequences are for themselves.

Well I was in a similar situation except it was over shoes. I really did my best every fucking time we left the house-after about a month I realised that it was making us both miserable so I bought another pair of shoes. To be honest it was worth it!

If it's just the jacket then maybe for the sake of it layer him up for the trip to crèche - thermal vest, long sleeve t shirt and another top as well as the jacket. Explain this to the crèche and I hope your mornings are less stressful.

Your only beiing unreasonable because you're making life hard on yourself.

Thank you for all your opinions

Baroness has your Ds's coat got navy fleecy lining and a small car badge on it too?? Maybe there is something wrong with the coat that only small children pick up on

Seeker I appreciate your view that children know if they are hot or cold and I am generally quite relaxed about stuff like this but my 5 year old would struggle to be able to look out of the window and decide if it was going to be cold or not, let alone my 3 year old. On some things, I do feel they need guidance/advice.

Thinking about it, it is very bulky (and I take on board people's views about car seats so maybe I should abandon it all together) and he does kind of walk about with his arms stuck out - it probably isn't very comfortable at all

I might just give in make it easier and let him wear his digger coat and put a jumper on underneath it on colder days. I suppose he will be running around when outside playing with his friends so will be warm anyway.

Many children, and indeed adults, dont like big heavy coats.
ds had an am of clothing he hatedat that age, until I pointed out the pocket which was perfectly sized for a hot wheels car

Pictish- I am far from a soft touch. But I also don't think any harm will come to a child if it gets a bit chilly. I am not bonkers enough to think that they will get I'll if they get cold. And I am old enough to not care if someone ruts because my child has chosen not to wear a coat.

What is the point of fighting over it? Honestly, what's the point?

Had similar with my DS (4). He didn't like the coat because it was brown. I decided for my sanity to replace it and got a blue one, which I got him to approve before buying. He has worn it ever since without a murmur. It was worth every penny!!! I could have continued to force him to wear the old one every day but it was a huge battle I could do without every morning. Not wearing a coat was not an option as he always gets chest infections and it was cold!

Can you leave the thcker coat at nursery for him going outside?

If hes only in the car the thinner one will be fine.
Or stick an extra layer on him.

Some things just arent worth the battle

Or get him to choose a coat he likes?

DS had a coat he didn't like in the infants - years later he remembered the coat with the tight arms and the scratchy neck.

DD too remembers a coat with a fur trimmed hood and a flowery lining that she didn't like wearing because one of the other girls said the flowers were like grandma's things and the zip rubbed her neck or came undone. The memories came out years and years later.

I'm not sure at 3/4/5 they can articulate what's troubling them. Is a £9 coat really worth it? Can you get him a sleevless fleece to wear under his digger coat?

I'd bung a fleece under the digger coat too, give the hated coat to charity and then next time I'd take him to choose his own coat, out of a choice of two or three that were ok with me!

How about some cheap thermals from primark?

I let my dc choose their clothes (in shops I could afford to buy from, obviously) as soon as they were old enough to express a preference. While I will veto some items (like mini-skirts for 13yo DD), 99% is fine. Even my 11mo baby has started to show likes and dislikes when it comes to clothing. In shops, he will smile and point to things he likes, and turn his head away annd push away clothes that he doesn't like.

Annoyingly, most of the clothes he seems to like are bright bloody orange, but there you go. I already know that he doesn't like Navy blue. And that he has a pathological hatred for the gorgeous wool coat I have for him from M&S, but he loves his fluffy snowsuit. . He is unable to TELL me why he dislikes the wool coat, but he is still able to make his discomfort obvious.

I can never understand people that treat their dc's as dolls that have no say in what they wear. I can barely remember the last time I chose clothes or coats etc for my older 3 dc. I take them in a shop, and say "You need 3 tops and two pairs of trousers, what do you want". While I may not like the clothes they chose - I'm not the one who has to WEAR them. Obviously I veto shorts in January, or wooly jumpers in August, but other then that, they get to chose. Imagine if YOUR mother insisted that you HAD to wear the coat SHE chose for you. And you HATED it. Maybe it is uncomfortable and scratchy for you. Maybe it is in a colour you hate. And you just didn't want to wear it. Why inflict that on your children?

Surely, a mother's job with their dc is to teach them to be independant, and to make the right decisions in life. Their own decisions. I've never had one tantrum over clothing or coats. They chose their own, they are happy to wear them when they are cold.

Personally I would look for a badge or something that he really likes (I bought some online through ebay or amazon) - ideally get him to choose it, then sew/iron it onto jacket. I think John Lewis has some badges etc, but not big selection (if you need it quicker than online!).

Or see if something else pinned to the pocket, clipped to zipper etc might tip him into making this his new favourite jacket. (a keyring might fit through the zipper tag)

Otherwise I'd be hiding the digger one, and finding it again when it is seasonally appropriate.

Personally wouldn't be buying a new coat, firstly it only takes the smallest thing for them to decide a jacket it good or bad, and you could find yourself with 10 jackets before winter is out!

I think you are all very ' modern'.If I'd spent good money on a coat for a child that age they would wear it.End of.Obviously when they are older they can have an opinion.I wouldn't force my tastes on a teen!!
I would not be at all surprised if a toddler, allowed to pick his own clothes, turns round a week later and decides he doesn't like it because that's how toddlers are !!

My nearly three year old hates wearing a coat. I just let her go out without her coat (taking it with me) . When she gets cold she puts it on. easy.

DS is 2. He knows when he's too hot and will take his coat off in the park after running about even when it's freezing and will ask for if back if he gets cold.

It's a coat. Letting him wear one which is appropriate and safe for the car won't meant you'll be dealing with an unruly child years later. The point is, they need a coat. Not which one.

And kids are smaller than us - they get hotter faster than we do (generally). Hence not sticking babies under a 12 tog duvet.

When DS was about 4 I bought him a beige Puffa style jacket which he hated. I admit I don't like wearing Puffa type things as I always feel too hot, but still.

One day his Grandpa took him out for a walk and he ran ahead, slipped and fell into the (very shallow edge of the) canal. He was wearing the hated jacket but immediately felt it had acted as a lifejacket and saved him! Couldn't be parted from it after that

Why are people fixated on coats?

I haven't read all the posts so apologies if this has already been suggested but is he likely to like the coat any better if you got some cool iron-on patches to decorate either the inside or the outside of the coat?

ceebeegeebies No, it's got a navy blue satin lining, with wadding underneath and a picture of a monkey, and a monkey badge on the breast. It is very bulky though. Fortunately DB had also bought DS a Paddington-style coat from Monsoon and he loves that one. DS will be 2 next month, BTW.

My dd chose her hat scarf and glove set and i just brought her a pink coat and she liked it because its pink but i think ds may be the difficult one as he doesnt like anything new

Huntycat I happen to generally not be with my DC when I am clothes shopping so I couldn't let them choose things anyway - I am more of a spontaneous shopper - usually supermarkets - and I tend to go in these on the way to and from work hence the £9 coat from Sainsburys. It was a bargain so I snapped it up.

Besides, even if I did take my DS2 with me, eh would just say he didn't like anything as it was 'new' and he doesn't like change so then what would you do??

I relented today and just said he could put the digger coat on - which of course he did straight away and trotted off to the car I think I need to undig my heels and get over my stubborness