To think it's not me who's the weird one?

[yellowflowers]

My mum has just told me she thinks my approach to birth was weird and my sister in law's more normal.

That is I didn't tell my mum I was in labour as I didn't want her to be hanging by the phone or pestering me for updates or worrying if it took a long time - we rang her about half an hour after the birth to give her the good news and she visited me that day.

On other hand my bro and sil gave her a blow by blow account, when waters broke, when contractions 5 mins apart etc.

Doesn't matter, just I assumed my way was normal. Am I wrong/unreasonable?

Does your mum often feel the need to tell you, you are weird?

Both ways are perfectly normal imo

Especially in this day and age where everyone has mobile phones.

I'm not sure it's a right/wrong situation you just do what is right for you.

ABatIn Her mum said her 'approach to birth' was weird...not her daughter.

Well I would ring my mum as soon as anything happens

It depends on the relationship between mum and daughter/ son obviously

No one is 'right' or BU iyswim...

It's a shame your M feels the need to compare you with your SIL.

I would have thought it was patently obvious that people are different ....

We told parents I was in labour ..... 3 days into the longest ever labour once they had arranged for my emergency c-section which was in the middle of the night... Everybody else got woken up with the good news .... Thankfully no one was waiting or nagging for news as he was 3 weeks early

There is no normal when it comes to giving birth. What is normal for you is not normal for your brother.

I won't even say sil, because I can't imagine why any woman would be happy with her dh being on the phone to his Mummy every five minutes throughout the labour.

Are you sure sil thought that was normal?

Neither of your approaches were weird, just different!

Worra - so she did i think i was going off the thread title, having a bad day.

Anyway i agree with those who say both approaches are perfectly normal.

yellow, not sure if you were right or your SIL was right, never had a baby myself.

When DSis had her baby I was told she was in labour and then it was hours before anyone had time to tell me all was well. I'd rather have had no info than not be kept up to date.

DSis was due to be induced on the day she went into natural labour though, so I would have been worried either way! And I fully understand why my mum (birth partner) had better things to do than phone me every five minutes.

I decided to cut out the rubbish - anyone who wanted to know how my birth was going could follow my "baby" account on Twitter!

The only people I told in person was my partner and my mum, and since they were present I didn't feel they needed a blow-by-blow account!

As a mum, I would have wanted to know when you were going in, but if you hadn't wanted to tell me, well, there would have been nothing I could do about it.

I think I would be sad if my DD told me after it was all over.
BUT if I turned out to be the sort of mum who pestered her DD all the way through labour I would deserve it.

I cant remember what I did. I think with DD we rang right away. With DS mum happened to be with me.

By DCs 4 & 5 people only knew I was in labour if they happened to ring as it was all going on.

YANBU at all!

we didn't tell anyone with DS. It was not a pre determined choice-I was in the zone (self hypnosis/much pain!) from the start and needed DH to give me his full and undivided attention.

Afterwards, my MIL, like your Mum said we were strange and actually CRUEL and that she wanted to come and sit and wait for the news. This would have been fucking bananas in my book but there you go. My own mother said she didn't expect anything different :)

I'm soon to give birth again and because we have DS other people will know what's going on this time (but not MIL as she has not offered to look after him!).

I did exactly the same. I didnt want my mother anywhere near me when i was in labour so phoned her an hour after i gave birth.

Good for you for putting yourself first. Hope you're okay now.

My mum was very concerned/interested first pregnancy. She wanted to be at the birth.

Second time round she asked me to ring her when it was over as she didn't like to see me in pain!

Different strokes for different folks, not weird though.

I thought you were going to say you laboured on stone henge, while chanting, naked and trying to do yoga. Even then i'd probably say it was your right to do so!

I think it is a bit odd not to tell your mum until afterwards. And quite sad too :(

I cant imagine not being close enough to my mum or my MIL not to have let them know that I was in labour.

I think it's different wanting to know that your dd is ok if she is th done on labour. It's not the same as a man being in the phone and updating his own mother.

I only have sons, and if they spend half their future wives labours updating me about whats going on I would tell them to sort their priorities out!

i did it your way - not that clost to parents or IL's. My support was my friends

Its not weird! MAybe your DSiL had the worlds easiest labour - which is why here DH was able to text / call incessantly! . With DS I was 6 days early didnt tell anyone as I thought it was false labour and by the time it was obv it wasnt I was exhasuted/ terrified / and didnt know which way was up so could not have talked on phone or instructed anyone to do it for me. Different with DC2 as needed to alert parents in case we needed help with DS. We live 3 hours drive from my mum and I told her it was OK and DS would stay with a friend and next thing we knew she was calling us to tell us she had arrived and booked into a hotel! That was 20 mins before DD was born! My mum is my best friend, so I dont think its a reflection on your relationship..... its just what we wanted. Far worse to be told someone in labour and then not hear anything for a day!

Squeaky 'I think it is a bit odd not to tell your mum until afterwards. And quite sad too '

• And that goes to show how different we all are!

My mum would have been horrendous if I'd told her when I was in labour, she would have been a nervous wreck, so I just told her when she had a nice new grandchild!

I'd hate to think of my mum lying awake worrying about me being in pain...I think my instinct is I want to protect her from knowing things that might upset her, so I rarely confide in her things that are worrying me, unless it's something she can actively do something about.

I definitely don't want my DP to be off texting people every five minutes, and in my mind I want him right by me all the time...after watching OBEM together I did say to him 'you will be allowed to leave the room to go and get a sandwich if you're hungry, you know!'.

I would hope he calls my parents before he calls his, though, if only because mine live further away so need more notice to travel down.

I don't think either way is weird.

You did what felt right to you, your brother and SIL did what felt right to them.

Your Mum might be comparing the two and preferring to your brothers way, but she shouldn't be complaining or calling your way weird.

My Mum had told me to phone her as soon as I went into labour with DS1. I never had any intention of doing that. I didn't want her tearing up the motorway to get to me before the birth. As it happened I didn't have time to call her anyway as I had a quick labour. With DS2 and DD the same thing, no time and she found out after.

My PIL did know I was in labour with DS1 as we were at their house when I went into labour. FIL was so stressed he went to bed. And it was only about 2 hours that he had to wait.