To think it's not me who's the weird one?

[yellowflowers]

My mum has just told me she thinks my approach to birth was weird and my sister in law's more normal.

That is I didn't tell my mum I was in labour as I didn't want her to be hanging by the phone or pestering me for updates or worrying if it took a long time - we rang her about half an hour after the birth to give her the good news and she visited me that day.

On other hand my bro and sil gave her a blow by blow account, when waters broke, when contractions 5 mins apart etc.

Doesn't matter, just I assumed my way was normal. Am I wrong/unreasonable?

My mum made it very clear to me that she didn't want to know - she had two very very traumatic births and I was perfectly happy with her decision. Besides, she was in Holland and I was in the UK.

We rang her immediately afterwards both times and it was fine. We're all different.

Personally I prefer your approach OP. It would have driven me bonkers if people had kept phoning for updates.

I went into labour during the night with both of our DC which avoided anyone having to know.

In fact I went into labour 3 weeks early and 1 week early too so completely avoided the issue!

"Doesn't matter, just I assumed my way was normal"

I did until I joined mumsnet. It never occurred to me to tell anyone when my waters went (except for the friend I was talking to on the phone at the time, because they suddenly went with a pop). None of our families knew anything at all until DD had been born.

I've never told anyone apart from the people who had to know, IYSWIM. It wouldn't occur to me to tell people before the baby had actually been born.

I was pretty hacked off after dd, we had intentionally not told anyone that I was in labour but when she phoned our home phone, then my mobile and got no answer (not unusual) she called our local maternity unit.

She explained she was my mother calling for an update, they gave her one. Confirming that I was in labour. She then texted dh every hour to the point he ignored her.

I had told her I really really didn't want to tell anyone as I wanted space, she invaded it anyway. Grrr.

I went overdue with dd,and had to be booked in for an induction. I speak to them most nights on the phone anyway, so the night before we went in I told them what was happening. They didn't hear anything else from us until the baby was here (at 4.00am - yes, we woke them up, but I had asked if they wanted us to wait until a reasonable hour or wake them!). They lived a flight away from us though, so telling them did not then mean that they turned up and paced outside through the labour - plus the nurses had told us that it would be at least a day and probably more after induction before the baby arrived. Going on that info, they'd have missed it anyway as she arrived less than 12 hours after induction!
If I'd just gone into labour naturally then no, I wouldn't have said anything.
If we manage to have a second, then someone will have to know as we will need someone to sit with dd. I think they will have to stay with us as no-one lives near enough to just pop round when things get going, and we've not been in the area long enough to know anyone who could help out with that.

It worked for me - no stressed parents waiting outside for news, nothing to concentrate on other than me and the baby, and my DH there all the way through concentrating on what I needed and not on the needs of people on the other end of a phone!

"She then texted dh every hour to the point he ignored her."

Why didn't he just switch his phone off?

I think its weird not to tell your mother you are in labour , but each to their own

You will be that mother one day

My mother died many years before DD was born.

I didn't tell my mum when I was in labour, for two reasons. 1, I didn't know I was in labour, it was a precipitate labour anyway so even DH didn't get told it was happening until it was all over and 2. My mum lives miles away from me and wouldn't have come over to be with me, so there wasn't much point.
If I'd had one of those labours that go on a bit then I probably would have let her know.
My sister is like OP sis in law. The whole family's presence was required at each birth. We all just sat about in the waiting room waiting, as you would, to be told when the baby was born. I don't know why she wanted us all there though. It was nice to able to see the baby quickly each time, but if she'd wanted to introduce us all later that would have been fine too.

I had 2x ELCS so kne wen tey would be born but never told anyone til after they were born (with the exception of MIL for #2 as she looked after #1 atthe time). Really didn't want anyone crowding me for info on the day.

Apologies for spelling - my keyboard is "sticky" after 2 DC !!!

I didn't tell anyone, because I knew that my parents would be too nervous about it and ILs wouldn't be too bothered.
Unfortunately, my mum must have ESP and rang my mobile when I was in hospital and then OH answered it.
Then had to ring them at 2 am because I knew they wouldn't sleep.
The plan was to call them the day after.

Neither way is weird. However your mum wanted to be more closely involved than you wanted her to be, and feels like your sil is happy to be closer with her than you are. Thus you have hurt her feelings, Presumably inadvertently.

Spartafc - at your sister - making entire family sit in waiting room while she's in labour? What would she say if one of you couldn't get time off work, or had to look after DC? Does she really expect everyone to stop what they are doing until she has given birth??

Lueji - I can just see my mum ringing at a critical/awkward moment. That would be very much like her.

marshmallowpies - this probably says a lot about my family's relationship with my sister, but really - refusal is never an option! Luckily, she had babies when I didn't have such obstacles as children or work to get in her the way. She really expects everyone to stop what they are doing at any given point until she is happy! Ooh, she's a character!

In our family we'd think it kind of weird if the first we heard was a birth announcement. But then we aren't likely to make complete nuisances of ourselves by demanding constant updates or to sit at the bottom of the bed shrieking "I can see its head, I can!!"

So I told my mother and MIL when I went into labour. They were delighted, wished me well and said they looked forwards to hearing from us after I'd actually given birth.

When dgd was born a year ago, me and ddil's dm grandmothers were told that ddil was in labour and early the next morning, ds2 phoned us both to say we were about to become grandmothers and would we drive over and welcome dgd to the world. It was fantastic but then we considered it a huge privilege to be involved and certainly didn't feel entitled to be pains in the arses.

So I guess it all comes down to different families and how you know they will behave.

Sorry, that should read "When dgd was born a year ago, me and ddil's dm were phoned and told that ddil was in labour"

I'm expecting my first child in March and definitely won't be telling my mother till I've given birth - she is a terrible worrier, this is her first grandchild, and would be antIcipating all kinds of horrors. Not good for either of us!

He didn't want to be rude to her. His patience did lapse though and he did ignore her after a while. Whether that was through turning it off or just ignoring it I don't know, I was somewhat busy. Point remains that she had no respect for my wishes, to the point that even when she had found out she couldn't leave me to get on with it and let DH do so too, which is precisely why I didn't tell her. I am very close to her, which means I know what she's like.

I didn't want anyone knowing.

I don't think what you did was weird. Each to their own, I say, and what's right for one woman in labour might not be right for another. It's a very personal choice.

My sister alwyas had our mother with her for the whole time, and she cut the cord for all four of my sister's babies. She had died by the time DS was born, so I didn't have this option, but still don't think I would have taken this approach.

I just wanted to be 'in my own space', and even chucked DH out of the labour ward because he was stressing me out by looking worried.

I think so long as you tell them when DC is born, you are within normal range!

I didn't tell any relatives simply because you don't know how long the labour is going to be and you don't want phone calls going "aren't you finished yet?" And you want that bonding time after they're born before you feel you've got to call as they'll be waiting.

I suspect any midwife is going to be a little irritated on someone spending the time on the phone reporting every half an hour or so. It sounds attention seeking to me to do that anyway. I'd think of that as being weird.(sorry Squeaky) Don't know any friends who called their dm during labour unless they needed her for childcare.

When I gave birth, there were clear notices all over the delivery unit, saying "no mobile phones".

I have to say that I'm raising my eyebrows at a man who who presumably either used his phone within the unit to update his mother, or buggering off outside the unit just to update his mother.

But, we're all different. Perhaps SIL was quite happy with that, and if she was, good for her.

Until I joined Mumsnet I had no idea that it was considered 'normal' to tell other people if you were in labour (other than your partner) - nobody has ever told me that they are in labour . I didn't tell anyone, neither did DH, until after my EMCS when DS was in my arms - actually thinking about it, it was at least 12 hours or so by the time I had come round from the GA and my DH didn't tell anyone until I was ready to do so myself. Personally I can't understand the need for 'everyone must know everything' immediately - but each to their own .