Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not me who's the weird one?

82 replies

yellowflowers · 17/01/2012 18:45

My mum has just told me she thinks my approach to birth was weird and my sister in law's more normal.

That is I didn't tell my mum I was in labour as I didn't want her to be hanging by the phone or pestering me for updates or worrying if it took a long time - we rang her about half an hour after the birth to give her the good news and she visited me that day.

On other hand my bro and sil gave her a blow by blow account, when waters broke, when contractions 5 mins apart etc.

Doesn't matter, just I assumed my way was normal. Am I wrong/unreasonable?

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 18/01/2012 14:43

You're not weird, neither's your SIL... your mum still shouldn't have said anything really, her choice of words was 'weird' if anything!

I text my mum a lot in labour of my first, mostly things like "ouch". With my second, she knew I was being induced and text me lots, I didn't reply until it was over and done with, though after 24hrs I think DH text her to say I was struggling but okay and not to worry.

blackteaplease · 18/01/2012 15:18

OP, you aren't weird, I did what you did. I was two weeks overdue and wanted some space as had been getting daily texts/ calls checking if it was here yet. We called PILs in the middle of the night as they had asked to be told whatever time of day, everyone else my DH contacted the next day including my family.

Theebigjessie, I was allowed to use my mobile both in the recovery room and postnatal ward. Not in theatre though.

hackmum · 18/01/2012 15:26

I'm with your mum (sorry). If my DD was in labour, I'd want her to let me know. My mum's not alive, but my DP told his mum when we went to the hospital. It feels a bit mean otherwise. I know you didn't want her worrying, but she probably feels that you were excluding her.

januaryjojo · 18/01/2012 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrimmaTheNome · 18/01/2012 15:34

YANBU.

Mind you, my waters broke about 10:30pm and I didn't even bother rousing DH till 1am when I thought it was about time to head to the hospital. DD born 6:30am...no way would my DM have wanted to know till well after the event! Grin

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 18/01/2012 15:36

With my DD I called my parents to let them know when I was pretty sure I was in labour. Then I called them and DH called in laws after DD was born. I do think it's nice to include family but you have to do what feels right for you at the time.

With DS DH called his parents as they were coming to take care of DD. I also let my parents know and then updated early in the morning to say he'd been born safely.

ChaoticAngel · 18/01/2012 16:20

YANBU Your the one who is in labour so you do what feels right for you.

When I went into labour with DS my mum knew because we were living with with her at the time, she wouldn't have otherwise. We didn't phone my ex in-laws because...

  • it was the middle of the night and they wouldn't have wanted to be woke up.
  • my mum had no landline, she couldn't afford the 100 pound plus that BT wanted to install a line [it was them or nothing at the time]
  • mobile phones, at that time, were the size of a house brick and few people had them, we certainly didn't.

Even with mobiles I don't think I'd phone anyone because you don't know how long the labour is going to be until it's over. It could last days and then people would be waiting for ages to be updated because if I ever went into labour again any mobile phone would be switched off to avoid being mithered by texts/phone calls. If my [then existent] DH/P switched it on it would likely be inserted somewhere where major surgery would be needed to get it back. I'm not a nice person when I'm in pain Grin

What happened to mobile phones having to be switched off when in hospital Confused

/disclaimer...I know some have home births so the last doesn't apply/

Hairynigel · 18/01/2012 16:27

Neither way is weird but fwiw the whole world and it's mother knew I was in labour. Had to be induced, was on the phone to my mum and dad for the first part and then my sister took it upon herself to update my Facebook every 5 minutes.
People must have thought I was mad, on Facebook in the middle of labour!

I can see why you might not want to tell anyone till its over though. Different strokes for different folks innit

diddl · 18/01/2012 16:39

We didn´t tell anyone until after the first was born.

What´s with all the Sad & hoping that you get on well enough with your mum/mil-what does that have to do with anything?

I get on well with my mum, but don´t feel the need to tell her everything the moment it occurs!

Wonder if all our mums/mils told their mums/mils, or just got themselves to hospital & got on with giving birth?

MrsTwinks · 18/01/2012 16:40

Definately not wierd, I think it really does depend on your relationship with your mum, how annoying they are they will react etc etc

If I thought I'd get away with it I wouldn't even tell my mum I was pregnant until I'd had the baby! But then shes a bit neurotic and likes to make it all about her, being in the same room gives me high blood pressure as it is! I certainly don't intend to tell her or my over-compensating MIL I'm in labour, even wondering if I can get away with keeping them from the hospital all together yes im mean but if you knew them you'd agree

Original poster
yellowflowers · 18/01/2012 18:48

Thanks diddl. I am v close to my mum but she is a worrier and would find it hard to keep to herself. But also I felt it was a time for me and dh only.

OP posts:
cookcleanerchaufferetc · 18/01/2012 18:51

You're not weird, your DIL is!

TidyDancer · 18/01/2012 19:15

I don't think it's weird to not tell your mum, but it is, IME, the more unusual choice. Most daughters like to involve their mothers in this kind of thing, so I do understand your DM's perspective, although she may have been a bit clumsy in how she expressed it.

We told my mum and one of my sisters, and DP's parents and DB.

diddl · 18/01/2012 20:13

"Most daughters like to involve their mothers in this kind of thing"

Do they really?

TidyDancer · 18/01/2012 20:18

Yes diddl, they do. Mothers (in most instances) will have given birth to their DCs, therefore I think it's entirely understandable that the majority of women will feel closer to their mothers when it comes to their time to give birth and therefore want them involved in some way with the arrival of their GC.

NinkyNonker · 18/01/2012 20:22

I must know some wierd women then! Grin

diddl · 18/01/2012 20:26

Me too!

I just wanted my husband with me.

I suppose I just find an adult woman wanting her mother an odd thing.

Eglu · 18/01/2012 21:36

Tidydancer I have to disagree. If you read this thread you can see there are as many who have not told their Mum as those who have. I don't think it is at all the unusual choice to not involve your Mother.

TidyDancer · 18/01/2012 21:51

As I said, I don't think it's a weird choice, it's a reasonable one. Some people like to keep the whole birth massively private and that's perfectly acceptable and understandable. But IME it's a minority decision to not tell a soul aside from the father of the baby. I have a close relationship with both my DM and my ILs, and I just felt like I wanted to tell them and I knew they would be excited.

FWIW, I had DP and BIL with me when I gave birth.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 18/01/2012 22:12

With DD, no-one knew I was in labour and we told everyone after she was born.

With ds only my sister knew I was in labour as she kept dd!

Neither set of parents seemed put out by it. In fact we called MIL before my mum, as dd was her first grandchild & I told her myself :)

Eglu · 18/01/2012 22:18

I just don't agree that is is the minority at all. I would say it is fairly even.

spartafc · 18/01/2012 22:24

I don't know if it's a question of keeping the birth massively private, so much as just not feeling any burning urge to let people know. Especially if you don't live near your parents or in-laws.

I think it's less a question of privacy and more a question of 'what would be the point'? Yes, they may be excited, but that excitement is probably because there's going to be a baby born soon, not because of the labour itself.

FutureNannyOgg · 18/01/2012 22:39

I didn't tell my mum I was in labour, but I did get DH to ring her to tell her when I was about to go in for EMCS, it felt right to let her know about it at that point.

diddl · 19/01/2012 07:35

I don´t think that it´s your relationship with your mum, more the type of person you are tbh.

I´m a very private person.

There´s lots of stuff about my life that my mum doesn´t know.

I´m also a "what would be the point" type of person.

ben5 · 19/01/2012 07:42

with ds 1 the only people who knew were dh and my best friend.
with ds 2 dh phoned my parents so they could look after ds1 while I was in hospital. He phoned them 1.5 hours later to tell then ds2 had turned up!