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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if adults should automatically win over children

109 replies

noblegiraffe · 16/01/2012 22:04

My DS is nearly 2 and a half and has developed a very bossy streak. Part of this bossy streak means that if he is watching Thomas and DH and I are talking, he will turn to us and say 'No, stop talking, watching Thomas'.

Now, it drives me mad if I'm trying to watch TV and people are talking. To say 'Tough, Mummy and Daddy are talking' just feels wrong as his complaint is reasonable and we could be quieter. But then I don't want him becoming a little dictator with us bending to his every whim and tiptoeing around him.

What would you do?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2012 22:05

"Don't be so rude, Mummy and Daddy are talking" sounds perfect to me.

FunnysInTheGarden · 16/01/2012 22:07

Or move to a different room and talk? Depends how much room you have!

MayaAngelCool · 16/01/2012 22:07

What Worra said. I'd say it firmly but kindly at age 2, firmly and sternly at age 4 and with a wallop at age 15!

mumblechum1 · 16/01/2012 22:08

What Worra said, if you dont want him to be a little dictator, as you say.

squeakytoy · 16/01/2012 22:08

I think you need to establish who is in charge in your house!

sharenicely · 16/01/2012 22:08

No way would I let my ds speak to me like this. You're the adult, he is not old enough to make decisions about how your house is run and if you let him he won't feel secure. It is well know that children need boundaries to feel happy and secure.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2012 22:09

And at age 16 it'd be "Move out and get a job. Do it now while you still know everything "

Molehillmountain · 16/01/2012 22:09

I'd sometimes give a little, but I always retain the "tough I'm the adult" veto.

greenplastictrees · 16/01/2012 22:12

As it something that annoys you too and so you don't think he's being unreasonable to not want talking while he is watching TV, I'd use it as a chance to teach him about politely asking people to be quiet. From the sounds of it you dont think he is being wholey unreasonable so it wouldn't seem right to tell him that he is making an unreasonable request.

Original poster

noblegiraffe · 16/01/2012 22:13

But there's surely a difference between being in charge and riding rough-shod over any of their preferences? Like I said, it would drive me mad if I was watching TV and someone else was conducting a loud conversation.

OP posts:

FunnysInTheGarden · 16/01/2012 22:16

yes, DH and I wouldn't have a conversation while the DC were trying to watch telly, and we wouldn't expect them to do the same. Move to a different room to chat, but also remind him not to be cheeky!

Original poster

noblegiraffe · 16/01/2012 22:16

cross posts, green!

I agree I don't think he's making an unreasonable request. But my upbringing was very authoritarian and I'd have never dreamed of suggesting my parents do anything differently when I was very young.

OP posts:

Haberdashery · 16/01/2012 22:16

Are you actually talking so loudly that he can't hear? I assume not. If you are, then perhaps you could talk more quietly. But watching Thomas is not actually a required part of childhood so maybe he just needs to get on with it and either watch it or not. Presumably it would be fine by you if he was playing with something rather than watching TV?

greenplastictrees · 16/01/2012 22:17

Yes, I think that your son will find it a bit much if he disturbs you when watching Tv and you tell him off but it doesn't work both ways. I think you should explain that its not nice to speak to people like that and if you want them to do something you ask them nicely "please mummy and daddy can you be quiet - I'm watching Thomas".

Dee03 · 16/01/2012 22:19

My answer is always "I'm the adult, I earn all the money and I pay the bills so my rules....when you move out and get your own place you can do what you like"....may sound harsh but try dealing a 9, 12 and 14 year old

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 16/01/2012 22:20

I agree with you nobelgirrafe.

I would do a bit of both. I'd let him know that you are taking his complaint seriously, but also let him know that Mummy and Daddy's converstaion is every bit as important as Thomas.

Original poster

noblegiraffe · 16/01/2012 22:20

I know his language sounds cheeky and abrupt, but he is only 2 and a half. We work a lot on please and thank you, but 'please be quiet as I'm trying to watch Thomas' might be someway off yet :)

OP posts:

TheSmallClanger · 16/01/2012 22:26

I would have a word about yelling at people next time. "don't shout at people" is more direct for a toddler than "I'm the adult, blah blah blah".

Slight nerve touched here, as one of my mum's favourite passive-aggressive tricks is to talk really loudly, either to no-one in particular or on the phone, when someone is watching something on TV she doesn't like.

FredFredGeorge · 16/01/2012 22:53

Personal discussions trump the TV always regardless. So YABU for considering his complaint reasonable - if Thomas was actually in the room performing then it would be reasonable, but for a TV program.

BigHairyGruffalo · 16/01/2012 22:55

Talking over the TV irritates me so much, your toddler is not being unreasonable! If he was being disruptive when you were watching TV, how would you tackle it? I think you need to treat it in the same way so that he doesn't get confused.

squeakytoy · 16/01/2012 23:03

I think you need to teach him boundaries though, in how he can speak to adults.

Another example would be if he was chattering with his friends, as a parent you have every right to interrupt him if you want him, but if you (the parent) are talking to your friends, it is rude for a child to constantly interrupt.

A 2.5 he is old enough to start learning that manners for children and manners for parents are not the same. I am all for equality, but I do not subscribe to the school of thought that children are "mini adults"..

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 16/01/2012 23:10

If you feel he's saying it as politely as he's able at this stage, then I'd say 'Sorry DS - you sit this side (nearer the TV) and Daddy & I will sit this side (further away from the TV), but Daddy & I need to talk', but if he said it again I would say 'DS if you can't hear Thomas then you need to find something else to do Daddy & I are talking' if he said it again I would say 'DS if you can't hear it I'm going to turn it off and you can watch it later - is that what you want?' 'NO' 'Then stop shouting at Mummy or I will turn it off'.

So yes, some adjustment where possible/consideration, but adults do automatically 'win' if you want your kids to grow up respecting you.

Kladdkaka · 16/01/2012 23:10

I think he should have just as much say as the adults ... when he's paying as much as the adults for the tv, the electricity and the roof over the room you're talking in. Until them, I'm 100% in agreement with Worra.

TheSecondComing · 16/01/2012 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flibble80 · 17/01/2012 00:02

It depends. If he was already sat down watching then you two enter the room and start talking I think he's in the right! Likewise if you were already using the living room to have a talk and he starts watching his show then he should learn to put up with the conversation or watch his show after you've finished.

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