Would you keep this secret?

[Memoo]

I have a friend who works in a school (I use to work thete too) today she told me about an incident that had happened. They haven't told the parent what happened, they seem to be trying to brush it under the carpet.

The problem I have is that the mother of the child involved is somebody I have become close to because we go to the same toddler group. I feel very strongly that she should know what happened.

Obviously friend 1 shouldn't have told me what she did and she could lose her job for sharing confidential information. But friend 2 really should know.

What do I do???

And also, I would want to have the oppportunity to read my DS the riot act explain to DS about making sure he follows the rules.

Definitely tell her. When my son was about 3.5, the deputy manager of his nursery yanked his arm really hard and inappropriately and they did not tell me about it at first even though a junior member of staff reported it to the manager. The junior member of staff then went on holiday for a week and when she came back was so angry that nothing had been done that she complained again but formally which meant that I was finally informed and the deputy manager was suspended and ultimately sacked. It is important that parents know everything about their children and their wellbeing.

Tell Friend 1 that you have heard a massively exaggerated version of the story doing the rounds in the playground and it's only a matter of time before the mother gets to hear that version, so the school should really tell her what actually happened now.

A child hid from his teachers and was found playing happily in a sand pit.

Similar thing happened to my youngest about 3-4 years ago in the nursery at my work. He was left out after outside play alone because he had been playing behind a parachute type thing they had tied against the fence. I can't remember how long he was out there but less than an hour.

When I got there to pick him up as usual the manager took me aside, I was really concerned, of course, so when they explained that he had been left outside alone in a fully enclosed play area it was a bit of an anticlimax really.

To be honest they were more concerned about it than I was, made a report to head office and all of that kind of thing. Of course if they had tried to cover it up I might have felt very differently about the whole thing.

I think the advice about tipping off the local authority is good advice. I think covering it up, if they are covering it up, is a much bigger deal than the original incident. Most, probably all, school playgrounds are completely enclosed, the child might have been anxious when he realised he was alone but I doubt he was ever in any danger.

Good God I cannot believe how many people are saying don't say anything. Of course you should! The fact that the school
Are trying to hide this is completely wrong and they need to be carpeted for that alone let one anything else!

i would want to know, then i would be finding another school.

not because the child went missing, but i couldn't trust the school to be honest with me and the trust would be broken

Its like we say about cheating, it isnt so much what they did but the fact that they lied.

Its the same here. If it wasnt a big deal then why are the school trying to cover it up?

I think that this is a big deal, as it indicates that they dont have adequate protocols. I would worry more about telling the LA than telling the mum tbh as it is everyones child who could potentially be forgotten if sloppyness over numbers continues.

I've not read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said. If you really feel you need to tell your friend what happened why don't you get her to go into school and say her child had said he'd been playing out by himself because everyone went in.Think most 4 yr olds would say something anyway.

it could of been a child with heath problems that went missing, imagine this was an astmatic child and he developed breathing problems within that hour.

so those who think is it not serious think again

They are mad to try and keep it hidden. The child in question will know what happened and so will other children so the truth will come out. I can't believe the school is behaving like this. It would make me worry about what else they had covered up.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-11925228

Get your friend the sack. She's obvioulsy not got a mortgage or a family to keep.

There is no excuse for it really is there. I worked as a TA before having dd and often did playtime. It's easy to count the children in at the end of playtime to make sure you've got the right number. I'm definately going to speak to my friend and tell her my ds mentioned something about it.
My dd is suppose to start nursery there in September. It makes me wonder if I should be looking for somewhere else.

McHappy makes a very good point, DD2 and 3 are both hypoglycemic and it doesnt bear thinking about what could have happened if it had been one of them and they missed their snack :(

I'd say it's a one off-it wasn't their regular teacher and I assume the area was still enclosed, gates locked etc.so child couldn't leave the premises. I'm surprised your friends ds hid for a whole hour and didn't go in to school or say anything, if he'd been at all distressed he would surely have headed in? Personally I wouldn't risk getting your teacher friend into trouble-no harm was done, and it's not likely to ever happen again.

Its a good idea to say that your child mentioned something, but then it will come straight back to you if/when the child's mother marches up to the school. I think I'd lean more towards not saying anything or asking teacher friend to inform the parents.

Like I have said before in a previous post, when my DS went 'missing' I was glad the nursery informed me so I had the opportunity to speak with him about listening and not wandering off at least. If I had of found out through someone else because the nursery had tried to hide it I would have kicked up a huge fuss because that is just wrong and would have made me question other things. Yes people make mistakes but it's how you handle it and deal with the aftermath/consequence that matters. What are the school going to achieve by brushing it aside other than the situation becoming a whole lot worse when the mum does find out.

Memoo, I think you will be doing the right thing.

I think it's a serious matter, but I'm not sure I'd get involved. I'd weigh up what everyone involved stands to lose with the fact the child is now safe and perhaps take a different approach if I DID decide to get involved. Rather than talk about that particular person I might see about highlighting the issue of security as a whole.

Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't sound like it was intentional and although I know it only takes ONE time to cause devastation, it didn't happen and I don't think a job, a livelihood, should be lost over this one. I hope it gave a big wake up call though.

The child really hid for an hour? really?? If my child had hidden I'm damn sure they'd have been bored within 10 minutes (and that's being generous!)

If it's true then I'd want to know though

I'm not saying go in all guns blazing but I think unless the school does inform the mum someone should one way or another. I would maybe talk to the teacher again first, it would sound much better coming from the school. If not the 'my DS heard this' story won't necessarily drop your teacher friend in it. I don't think its even the point that they didn't realise the child was missing it is the point of trying to hide it that is wrong and for that I would be asking why.

What if the mother finds out what happened and realises you knew about it but didn't tell her?

But is the school really hiding it? Or do you just not know what they have done? Maybe as a supply teacher your friend is also out of the loop?
Your friend should go back and check what has happened and force the issue if nothing has (could be a huge anticlimax when you find out the HT has actually done something about it).
Inventing stories about your child, or he says/she says is just going to all come out at some point. What would your friend say if she found out you'd gone behind her back and shared something she said in secret.

I think you should tell her anything could have happened! He could have walked out the school or anything. U are in a position and i understand that but how would u feel if it was your DC would you want to know?

Whoever told you should do the decent thing and tell the parent.I would go to her and say if you do not explain what happened,I will.
Although the child was unharmed,it makes me wonder what else the school would try to hide.

The mum should know for the very simple reason that the child might want to talk about it and understand why it happened, how to not let it happen again, whether or not the child is in trouble... my children would be bursting to talk about it.

Utterly absurd to keep it a secret. The child needs to know what to do if they are ever 'lost' or forgotten about.

Losing a child is one thing, but actively keeping it a secret would make me take my child out of that nursery before I could blink. I can't imagine having that level of deception between the teachers who care for my child and me. What on earth else do they keep secret??