to be severely cheesed off this morning?

[AKMD]

This is a minor AIBU but...

DH went to bed at 8pm last night without a word to me. This morning his alarm went off in another room at 5.30, which woke me up but not him so I woke him up and went back to sleep. At 6am the front door slams, waking up DS (1yo). At 6.05 the door opens and then slams again. I look out of the window and DH is driving off! I called him to ask where he was going and it turns out he was off the the gym and then to work.

AIBU to think it's not ok to:

• go to bed unusually early without saying goodnight to your spouse
• set your alarm in another room, knowing that it won't wake you up (this has happened before and we've had word, obviously forgotten)
• wake everyone up an hour early
• leave the house an hour early without telling your spouse about it first, leaving them to take out the bins, get themselves ready for work and get an angry toddler ready for nursery?

coz I is cross!

Oh, and I wouldn't have minded him going to the gym this morning if he had told me about it and not woken everyone up at the crack of dawn!

no. woken toddlerrs in the morning..

when he gets home from work, disappear off to catch up on sleep.

Totally shit behaviour. 100% unreasonable of him. yANBU. Severe words this evening but don't let it blight your day.

I would find that completely unreasonable, all of it, especially off to bed without a word and leaving for the day without a word, would be different if he was back before going to work.

Had you been arguing before?

No OffDownTheGarden, we hadn't argued. We had my parents round for tea, DH took DS off for his bath while we washed up and came back downstairs when DS was in bed. I made DS's lunchbox once my parents had gone and went upstairs to find DH fast asleep in bed.

YABU because clearly you've done something wrong.

Perhaps forgotten to warm his slippers or something.

That might be it SoupDragon! I made salad last night; that might be a big enough offence.

Is he normally so ignorant?

Is he sulking?

YANBU

For some reason you have pissed him off and he is letting you know about it by going to bed very early without explaining, waking up extra early (with your help), and slamming the door so that you wake up early too.

Oh dear. Did he grow up in a household where it was impossible to talk openly about anything? (That is the kindest explanation I can come up for for that kind of attention-seeking behaviour).

Oh my god YANBU, very strange! I would bring it up when he gets home and in the meantime i would drink coffee!

My DH has done this a couple of times because he has been majorly pissed off with me about something and is being a childish bastard

silent aggression. you have obviously said something or done something wrong.
best thing with sulkers is to ignore them....let him get on with it .He will soon tell you . Have a bath and an early night and let him fester

YANBU. It all seems completely bizarre.

Grumpy men are the one thing I can't stand, it drives me up the wall.

He didn't even make you a cup of tea.

He's waiting for YOU to ask HIM what the problem is so that it's YOU disrupting the peace. My DH does this all the time. He hates conflict so will just sulk. My threshold for living in a tense atmosphere is lower than his so it's always me who initiates a resolution. I am learning to do as dink says, but it's such a waste of life.

Is he often like this?

The door slamming alone would rile me. Totally selfish, deliberate behaviour.

My husband occasionally goes to bed without telling me-goes up to read for a while but gets tired & goes to bed.

But 8pm is early & he wouldn´t go up that early without telling me that he was going up & why.

I would have switched the alarm off & not woken him tbh.

And door slamming-never, ever, ever acceptable!

Very rude!

DW, Firstly, I appreciate you posting on the mums net bully board and then sending a link to my work email address so I can see, where did you get the time to do this so early in the morning . I thought long and hard about the username I chose to use to respond to your post.

Last night I was extremely tired which is why after putting DS to bed i fell asleep on the couch whilst reading. You saw this because woke me up and said "we do have a bed". I guess I should have then said, right, i'm off to bed as I'm exhausted, but instead walked upstairs half asleep.

In the morning I got up thinking an early start at the gym would be a good way to start my week off. Sorry for waking you up, this wasnt my intention which is why I never said anything to you. The last thing I wanted to do was to wake DS (almost 2) up.

Dear moody mums

I now know that this is the cool place to come and spend your days whining about your DH, or FH (open to interpretation) for some of you. Thanks for your comments and speculations but they should have been written with more caution and shouldnt be so one sided only having half the information.

Since all of you have taken so much time to help my DW blow off some steam, I have taken the liberty to answer some of your questions directly.

blackeyedsusan - I dont mind if DW does this, I will totally understand if she is tired. infact, on many occasions I have suggested this and offered to make DS lunch etc. I think you should also have an early night from time to time.

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms - how many worms have you eaten??? do they taste nice???

SoupDragon - DW hadnt done anything wrong, isnt a DH allowed to be tired once in a while?

JustHecate - No I am not sulking, but I am feeling refreshed now I have let some of my emotion out by posting... I should do it every day.

AngryFeet - it seems as though your husband isnt as P*ed off as your feet are...

DressingGownQueen - I wouldnt say I am the best judge of character, but with a name like that it sounds like you mope around the house all day. am I right? I would say the same thing about grumpy women, although I have never met a grumpy woman before.

Just to end this post on a high, I love my DW AKMD very much and sometimes I am a little inconsiderate, but after reading your posts I would say that all men are.

I am not always sulking and behaving badly, although whenever I do I definitely hear about it with Colourful language attached, so I'm sure DW will certainly take the advice to address it tonight.

I used to buy flowers often, however flowers dont seem to hit the spot. In fact, I think the best way in the future would be to post on Mumsnet, then DW will without fail see it.

So just to summarize bullies, I am not angry, not sulking, was just tired last night and trying to be considerate not to wake DW up this morning tried to leave quietly which failed. After de-icing DW's car I then drove to the Gym to work out 45 minutes before work.

I welcome any feedback to my post. I hope I can get some good advice to be a better husband, any of the following topics are welcome:

PMT - how should DH deal with this?
Terrible 2 tantrums from a 24 year old?
How to convince your DW pizza is healthy.

love you all

OOOH I love to hear both sides.....

If you really are the husband!

You havent explained why the phone was in the other room yet either... :)

Oh now this will be interesting. OPsDH thanks for joining us, it's good to get both sides of the story. In a voyeuristic noseyparker way.

If someone is so tired they fall asleep at 8pm then it is very possible they forget to say g'night before they drop off - that is hardly a hanging offence - setting the alarm to go off in another room at 5.30am is bloody inconsiderate. Going out w'out speaking to partner when you think they are asleep is fine. Slamming the dor may have been AKMD's impression as sound carries early in the morning, but may not have been the intention.

So all in all you are mostly abu op not to be annoyed as it is not my place to say what you should be annoyed about but because you haven't spoken to your dh and that may well have cleared the air and sorted out any future issues by setting consideration 'ground rules' for each other.

They could have set the alarm and then forgot to take it with them. It's the sort of thing you do if you're really tired.

Bahahahahahaha!

Excellent.