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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give up a career ive just spend 3 years training for?

84 replies

cymruambyth · 15/01/2012 19:28

I have just retrained as a primary school teacher as my previous job did not give me a good work/life balance. Always working evenings and weekends which didnt allow for quality time with my family. The problem is that teaching is not all its cracked up to be. I spend 2/3 hours every evening doing school work and all day sunday planning, evaluating, making resources for the following week. I know that it isnt a case of me being slow and that i will get faster, as all the other teachers are all working just as hard and have been for years.

It really annoys me when people say that teachers have it easy because they certainly do not!

I drop my DD at nursery at 8am and pick her up at 5:45pm mon-fri which gives me about 1.5 hours per day with her and that is spend getting her dressed, bathed and ready for bed. I dont want her to always feel like mummy is never there - but the truth is im not! Also i can never go to concerts, sports days etc.

I feel like such a crap mum and person!

My DH was so supportive about my retraining and now i feel like its all been for nothing.
DH has suggested that his secretary will be leaving in April and maybe i could work for him. The hours would be 9:30 - 2:30 mon - fri so i could always pick up and drop off kids each day. Plus i wouldnt have to do any work at home. Finacially there wouldnt be hardly anything in it.

I do really love teaching and i get a huge buzz when i see children progressing as a result of my teaching. I just wish it didnt have to be all or nothing.

OP posts:

londonone · 15/01/2012 19:31

Did you not speak to ANY teachers before you retrained!

raffle · 15/01/2012 19:31

Teach part time, or do supply?

Gumby · 15/01/2012 19:33

Well if you don't think you'd regret it I'd go for it
Dh's secretary hours sound perfect as long as you think you coukd work for him

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2012 19:33

What do you mean by "There wouldn't be anything in it"?

Would you really want to work for your husband? Is it his own business, in which case I'd maybe go along with it?

Yes, teaching is a nightmare in terms of hours spent working in your 'spare' time. I've been working all weekend (literally) but that's because we've an inspection tomorrow. Normally I wouldn't do that.

If you work with your husband it will be very difficult to have independent friends at work, don't you think?

FanjoString · 15/01/2012 19:33

You went into teaching to try and regain work/life balance?

minibmw2010 · 15/01/2012 19:34

It kind of sounds like these hours and the level of work involved is a surprise to you ??? How can that be ???

Heatherhills · 15/01/2012 19:36

Another vote for pt here.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2012 19:36

It sounds no different to a lot of people's working hours except many of them don't get the weekends and school holidays at home.

If you don't want to be a teacher then don't be.

larks35 · 15/01/2012 19:39

It does get easier, I'm 9 years in and don't plan at night at all, I do it all in PPA time. I do bring marking home but do that once DS is in bed, I agree it isn't an easy job. It is an intense job but you do get regular holidays, what other job gives you 12 weeks off a year to spend full-time with your family? I would suggest getting your NQT year done before leaving as at least you can then go back to it if you want in the future. It used to be that you had to have completed your NQT year within 3 years of qualifying not sure if that has changed. It is often easier to job-share in Primary (I'm Secondary and that isn't an option for me), maybe that could be an option.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 15/01/2012 19:40

Surely you knew this before you started?

This can't be real, no one is that stupid.

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2012 19:40

bloody hell i am sooooo naive....i always thought teaching was something of a vocation.

hardboiledpossum · 15/01/2012 19:43

Find a school with a 3 or 4 form entry so that you can share planning with the other teachers or go part time.

ninah · 15/01/2012 19:50

Good luck tomorrow Imperial!
I'm a trainee teacher and I work hard but I don't work those hours. It's always pretty much on my mind, though. I am quite glad I am single as I would struggle to find quality time in the evenings for example.
I would think if you had enjoyed a stimulating career to date you'd be bored being your husband's secretary, even if the prospect of short days sounds idyllic now. I'd look for a job share instead.

GnomeDePlume · 15/01/2012 19:53

I'm afraid that working full time is like that.

Your DD will soon grow and stop going to bed so early. In a couple of years your job as mum changes. DCs become a lot more independant. Now is not forever.

I have worked f/t throughout my DCs lives. As a result I have attended very few almost no concerts, sports days etc - my DCs are not scarred by this! These things only last a couple of years at primary school and really arent at all important (apologies if you spend a lot of your professional time on them!).

LynetteScavo · 15/01/2012 19:58

But most full time working parents drop off DD at 8am and collect at 6pm. And they only get 4 weeks holiday per year.

I think you need to stick with it, and it will get easier+. As others have said, go for part time.

Original poster

cymruambyth · 15/01/2012 20:06

Thanks for the advice.

Of course i spoke to teachers before retraining and they all said it was hard work which i was prepared for; I have always considered myself to be extremely hard working but i guess it exceeded even my expectations.

A better work/life balance is not the only reason i chose to go into teaching. I have always wanted to teach but ended up in my previous career as when i was younger my parents always told me that i was not allowed to go to uni as it was too expensive. But once i had my children i found myself paying £1250 a month in nursery fees (which meant i was only working to pay the nursery and never seeing the kids) so DH and I made the decision to give up work and use the time to retrain in something i am passionate about.

It is DH's own business. "there wouldnt be anything in it" refers to my financial situation. I would no longer need to pay for afterschool care for 2 DDs and nursery fees would be reduced for the other DD.

Having independent friends is an important factor, thanks for pointing that out.

Part-time or supply is a real possibility which may suit my circumstances better.

Thanks larks for saying that it gets better, that has given me some real hope!

OP posts:

maypole1 · 15/01/2012 20:08

Sorry but YOU SHOULD NOT have gone into teaching because you thought yu have more time with the kids you go into teaching because you love teaching and want to inspire young inquiring minds.

God leave now

maypole1 · 15/01/2012 20:09

My oh mate teaches hates it and wants to do as little work as possible and have maximum hoildays he is a stand in teacher works two days a week

No marking

And all the hoildays

fivegomadindorset · 15/01/2012 20:10

YOu can't be that passionate about it.

LindyHemming · 15/01/2012 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 15/01/2012 20:15

But any full time job is going to be like that, surely?

You are out of the house all day, often have extra work to do in your own time and can't attend children's concerts, assemblies etc.

At least with teaching you have weekends and long school holidays with your child. Most of us don't have that luxury and need expensive childcare for 47/48 weeks of the year...

Bobyan · 15/01/2012 20:17

Welcome to the real world...

fullofregrets · 15/01/2012 20:22

I was a teacher before having DS. I am now a sahm. I was passionate about teaching and enjoyed it very much but it is an all or nothing job imo. If you're feeling a bit tired or under the weather of distracted you just can't do it.
For me it came down to the fact that I did not feel I could give full time teaching and my DS my all. I felt my DS would be losing out and I wouldnt be as good a teacher as I should be. Part time was not an option at my school and it was an extremely challenging school in many ways as well as being an hours drive away.
It would not have worked for us. Yes lots of jobs demand a lot of hours now, the problem I found with teaching is it impossible to switch off. Absolutely impossible. I may go back part time or do supply when DS is a bit older.
Your nqt year is hard work and quite stressful. You have to weigh up your options and try to decide what is best, it is a tough choice.

OlderNotWiser · 15/01/2012 20:23

Completely ignore those who haven't taught - it isnt like (many) other jobs, its all encompassing, despite the holidays (that I used to spend catching up on stuff - yeah, so much time off ) Its a fab job in many ways, love the kids, but sadly I would never advise someone looking for work/life balance to go into it. So trite to say its a vocation and you should just throw yourself into it. If you do that, and you really care about it, and you have your own children too, its just going to end in tears Im afraid I have friends persevering with it but working part time supposedly, yet still putting in more than full time hours.

TheFallenMadonna · 15/01/2012 20:24

Do you're an NQT at the start of your second term? It's going to feel hellish now. However, I think you need to realise there will always be work outside the 9-5. I'd at least get to the end of this year before making any decisions though. The holidays do make up for a lot. Presumably your DH's secretary doesn't work term time only?

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