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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give up a career ive just spend 3 years training for?

84 replies

cymruambyth · 15/01/2012 19:28

I have just retrained as a primary school teacher as my previous job did not give me a good work/life balance. Always working evenings and weekends which didnt allow for quality time with my family. The problem is that teaching is not all its cracked up to be. I spend 2/3 hours every evening doing school work and all day sunday planning, evaluating, making resources for the following week. I know that it isnt a case of me being slow and that i will get faster, as all the other teachers are all working just as hard and have been for years.

It really annoys me when people say that teachers have it easy because they certainly do not!

I drop my DD at nursery at 8am and pick her up at 5:45pm mon-fri which gives me about 1.5 hours per day with her and that is spend getting her dressed, bathed and ready for bed. Sad I dont want her to always feel like mummy is never there - but the truth is im not! Also i can never go to concerts, sports days etc.

I feel like such a crap mum and person! Sad

My DH was so supportive about my retraining and now i feel like its all been for nothing.
DH has suggested that his secretary will be leaving in April and maybe i could work for him. The hours would be 9:30 - 2:30 mon - fri so i could always pick up and drop off kids each day. Plus i wouldnt have to do any work at home. Finacially there wouldnt be hardly anything in it.

I do really love teaching and i get a huge buzz when i see children progressing as a result of my teaching. I just wish it didnt have to be all or nothing.

OP posts:
fullofregrets · 15/01/2012 20:28

Yes the holidays are a perk. However I once worked out my hourly rate, including taking holidays into account, and it was about £4.50.
Honestly, teaching is a job in which it is virtually impossible to achieve work life balance. Teaching is a job that expands to fill the hours in the day.

jelliebelly · 15/01/2012 20:29

YABU welcome to the real world of full time work whether teaching or any other career. Do you want a career or do you just want a job? To give up 3 years of hard work would be madness of course it will get easier eventually. And think of the holidays..

ClaraSage · 15/01/2012 20:29

Go with an agency, you will get as much work as you want (lots of teachers off due to stress) and won't have to plan. Best thing I ever did, it's better paid too and some 'jobs' last for weeks or days and you really can pick and choose. I love it.

notnowImreading · 15/01/2012 20:31

I would switch jobs, even if you love the time in the classroom. You will rarely get a chance to improve your work-life balance without taking a major hit on your salary, and work-life balance in teaching does not improve much with time.

It is possible to go back to teaching after some years out (there's a 'return to teaching' course you could take) when your children are older, if that's what you want. You will never get this part of your own and your children's lives back, but other people's children, en masse, will still be the same in ten years time. You might love teaching again later without the personal conflict.

OlderNotWiser · 15/01/2012 20:33

Good advice from notnow I would say Smile

marblerye · 15/01/2012 20:36

Ride it out. You will get better at it, your dd will get older and go to bed later and you will appreciate that you have school holidays off. It is an actual career which working for your DH isn't. I work with my DH. Its hard sometimes, mainly because all my work friends are also his work friends but also because I get labelled as 'the boss's wife' (although he isn't 'the boss's husband' Hmm ) but working for him would be harder. You will be able to find a p/t or jobsharer job at some point if that is what you want to do.

ToothbrushThief · 15/01/2012 20:40

I work fulltime (not as a teacher). I have two friends in same boat who are teachers and both are not afraid of hard work. They are both stressed, miserable and do loads of hours, struggling to see their children. I know these threads always attract people saying it's just another job but (without a vested interest, as I'm not a teacher) my personal witness has been that it's not.

skybluepearl · 15/01/2012 20:49

you have chosen the wrong career for a good work life balance - all the teachers i know work their arse off! they work all day, do more work at the weekends and most evenings. it then takes a week to recover from high exhaustion levels at the start of each holiday.

the best way is to look for a part time teaching position. 2 days a week

if you stay in teaching it will get easier though - even if you remain full time

yes it is really hard to balance training/being an NQT with kids

startail · 15/01/2012 20:52

Stick at it you will really value the holidays when your children are older.
One reason I am a stay at home mum is holiday child care is thin on the ground and gets thinner as the children get older.

All DD2s teachers job share except the HT.
They always have in the 10 years I've had children there.

beatricequimby · 15/01/2012 20:54

I qualified as a teacher about 11 years ago. I promise you it gets easier, if every year was like the first year no one would stick it. I remember talking to other NQTs over the first Xmas hols and we all said we felt sick at the thought of going back. I really enjoy it now though but I am part-time. IMO, part-time teaching fits in fine with young children but I think would struggle with full-time. And don't under-estimate the value of the holidays, especially once all your children are at school. It is a massive luxury/privilege to have so much time with them and no other job will give you that. Good luck!

knackeredmother · 15/01/2012 21:06

I'm always a bit confused when teachers say they work 1 or 2 hours in the evening on top of their day in school as if this is excessive. I am well aware they work hard but surely this equates to the hours any professional puts in for a full time job?
My SIL is a teacher and thinks it is a late day if she leaves school after 5. Yes, I know there is work to be done in weekends and holidays but the same applies to most other professions that have 4-5 weeks annual leave per year. It is expected in most professions to work until the work is done and to work in ones own time.
FWIW I would be overjoyed if I dropped off at 8am and picked up at 5.45.

fullofregrets · 15/01/2012 21:11

When I taught I was at school for 7.15am (admittedly partly there so early to miss rush hour), I did not have a lunch break most days. I usually left about 5ish but then would do another two hours or so at home. Easily 12 hours a day. Sometimes more. Then I would do another 6 hours or so on a Sunday. I was teaching for five years before becoming sahm and had sats years which did not help.
But this was very much the norm for working hours at my school.

larks35 · 15/01/2012 21:20

knackeredmother and others who think it is just about the hours. The actual teaching part of the job is incredibly intense, imagine having to give a presentation to a sometimes eager but often not group of people for 5 hours a day and then add the "break" times where you are often pulled in as arbitrater to disputes or worse, then "lunch" when you have students needing to catch up on work or have a club to run. That is just the day to day stuff. Add on marking, planning, parent's evenings, contact home about any probs.

I posted earlier to reassure OP that it does get easier and it does, I often don't bring work home. But I know full well that what I do day in and day out goes well beyond what others do in their full-time jobs even if their hours are longer than mine.

PatTheHammer · 15/01/2012 21:25

You do sound like you love teaching so ignore the 'it should be a vocation' brigade.

However, I would second the posters who are advising part-time work. You would be happier and as a result you would be a more effective teacher. When I had DD 6 years ago I went back 3.5 days a week, I carried this on through having DS and then this september I switched hours so I do 4 mornings a week and 1 full day. I find this works for me now DD is school age as I can pick her up nearly everyday. I can also attend stuff that is in the afternoon (school plays etc). There is also more continuity for my classes, no shared classes for example as I am secondary.
I get into work at 7.45am on most days, do all my PPA first thing, despite not being paid till 9. I then leave at 1.15pm most days, 5pm on my full day. I do work in the evenings when the kids are in bed but try to always keep a saturday free to do family stuff.

If you feel it would be a waste of your traininga nd you would not be happy then please don't leave the profession. if on the other hand you would be happier not doing it, then take a career break. Maybe come back to it doing some supply teaching when your kids are a bit older?

ToothbrushThief · 15/01/2012 21:28

I think the 'presentation' analogy is a good one. My friends talk about the fact that they cannot stop for a coffee, go to the loo, take a personal call from the builder/plumber/dentist and they are 100% in need all day.

I am a professional but I can 'relax' I do work pretty full on most days but can switch off if I choose, am under the weather or frankly just not in the mood. Whilst I don't exercise this choice I value the choice.

I used to have client contact and found that incredibly draining and was glad to shut the door on them. You can't do that with a 30 children ready to run riot.

PatTheHammer · 15/01/2012 21:30

Crap, just realised that this is is AIBU. As a rule I don't usually post hereBlush.

That explains some of the unsympathetic posts.

Maybe post in education if you want more career type advice?

PatTheHammer · 15/01/2012 21:32

Toothbrush- Most teachers develop excellent bladder control very quicklyWink. That and a fondness for lukewarm coffee...........

ilovesooty · 15/01/2012 21:35

Before you consider going down the route ClaraSage suggests please look at the unemployed Teachers forum and the Supply Teachers forum on TES. Many supply teachers are hardly getting any work at all - schools are covering absence with cover supervisors and teaching assistants, and agency rates of pay can be very poor. As some others have said I'd at least complete your NQT year before making a decision.

justonemorejingle · 15/01/2012 21:41

That is exactly the reason why I'm dreading going back to teaching - but also dying to get back to it.
I taught full time before I had children, then lived abroad and had 2 children.

Now I can't imagine how I could ever be as good a teacher as I was before, I used to give my all for my pupils, planning on weekends etc. There's no way I could give that time now.

But my plan is to go back part-time, then when dcs are older and less needy go back full time, by which time I hope a) I'll be more experienced and find aspect of the job come more naturally and b) my dcs will be more independent.

So if you really love teaching, that's an option.
(However on a bad day at school I did used to long for a job in Tescos just beeping things through a till)

pranma · 15/01/2012 21:43

My DD has been teaching for 12 years now. She was lucky enough to get a job share when her ds1 was born and she has worked 2.5 days a week ever since.This has been perfect and she will return to full time when both DC are in full time school. Supply isn't a lot of fun really.

bigeyes · 15/01/2012 21:50

Go pt

I taught for ten yrs in secondary, it made me utterly miserable towards the end had a negative impact upon me and marriage.

Was ok before dscand DH got a bigger job.

I'm retraining now. However you do get quicker at stuff and build up resources etc so it could be you just need to get past that but I think its probably better if you pt

bigeyes · 15/01/2012 21:52

just whoa I used to fantasise about stacking shelves in Asda, all you need to is get uniform ready, shopping discounts....

saadia · 15/01/2012 21:56

I am in a similar position to you OP. I also retrained as a teacher after having dcs (who are now in school) and am currently on a temporary contract covering a sick leave but have all the class teacher responsibilities. I am also finding it difficult that work is constantly on my mind and have tried to force myself to "switch off" from work when I can. How old is your dd? How much time does your dh spend with her?

Can you simplify your planning? I get mine done during PPA with my partner teacher. Are there any resources from previous years that you could use?

medievaljacqui · 15/01/2012 21:56

As a teacher I like the 'presentation' analogy, but I usually compare my time in the classroom as a 'performance', especially as the new OFSTED criteria states lessons must 'entertain'. I do 4/5 shows a day, sometimes the audience I perform to want to be there other times they don't and I have to handle the 'hecklers' with good humour. :o
Yes it is a hard, intense job and you do need to give it your all for 6/7 days a week over a period of 6/7 weeks, but it does get easier. You adjust to the work schedule (hardly any time off during term with the holidays to relax, regroup and prep for the next bout) and you build up a solid foundation of prepped lessons to utilise and adapt. Once that happens you can enjoy the teaching and working with children (or teenagers in my case), building solid working relationships and seeing them grow and achieve and you will take a step back and see it is the best job in the world! :o

ilovesooty · 15/01/2012 21:57

just whoa I used to fantasise about stacking shelves in Asda, all you need to is get uniform ready, shopping discounts....

...and unsocial hours, and minimum wage... Hmm

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