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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give up a career ive just spend 3 years training for?

84 replies

cymruambyth · 15/01/2012 19:28

I have just retrained as a primary school teacher as my previous job did not give me a good work/life balance. Always working evenings and weekends which didnt allow for quality time with my family. The problem is that teaching is not all its cracked up to be. I spend 2/3 hours every evening doing school work and all day sunday planning, evaluating, making resources for the following week. I know that it isnt a case of me being slow and that i will get faster, as all the other teachers are all working just as hard and have been for years.

It really annoys me when people say that teachers have it easy because they certainly do not!

I drop my DD at nursery at 8am and pick her up at 5:45pm mon-fri which gives me about 1.5 hours per day with her and that is spend getting her dressed, bathed and ready for bed. I dont want her to always feel like mummy is never there - but the truth is im not! Also i can never go to concerts, sports days etc.

I feel like such a crap mum and person!

My DH was so supportive about my retraining and now i feel like its all been for nothing.
DH has suggested that his secretary will be leaving in April and maybe i could work for him. The hours would be 9:30 - 2:30 mon - fri so i could always pick up and drop off kids each day. Plus i wouldnt have to do any work at home. Finacially there wouldnt be hardly anything in it.

I do really love teaching and i get a huge buzz when i see children progressing as a result of my teaching. I just wish it didnt have to be all or nothing.

OP posts:

McHappyPants2012 · 15/01/2012 22:01

not sure this is a a valid point, but in my son's school her DD is in the same school as she teaches

justonemorejingle · 15/01/2012 22:03

Ilovesooty obiously - I was only referring to the fact that on an intense day I would wish I could have some time just doing a mindless task.

This MN thing of picking at every hole in one's argument is really tiresome sometimes!

justonemorejingle · 15/01/2012 22:03

obviously

bigeyes · 15/01/2012 22:04

I know sooty, never did get that application form

Well I'm doing sham now who is studying pt with OU and 35 was pg

RainboweBrite · 15/01/2012 22:04

If you're an NQT, finish the year and then think about what you want to do. For those advising part -time or supply, you are giving the wrong advice. Part-time teaching jobs in my area anyway are rarer than gold dust, and supply? I have had the gra

bigeyes · 15/01/2012 22:05

Sahm, bloody iPad keyboard thing

fullofregrets · 15/01/2012 22:06

When I was teaching one of the other teachers told me that her own children had suffered for the sake of other people's children.
It's true, give teaching your all and your own children will miss out. Give your own children more time and you will find it difficult to keep on top of the teaching workload.
It is indeed like doing a presentation for several hours a day to people who often don't want to listen or don't see why they should behave. And you have to be enthusiastic and positive the entire time and not shout for fuck's sake shut up and behave so that your lessons remain entertaining!

bigeyes · 15/01/2012 22:08

Yes that was it just sometimes I used to just sit and cut out sorting cards with my helpers for that reason, and err avoiding IEP's do they still have them or Amy other pile of paperwork crap.

Anyway miss being with nice classes especially sixth form teaching.

bigeyes · 15/01/2012 22:10

Hmm full yes them where the days cry I nf sometimes at how on earth to u supposed to correct years of poor parenting re basic manners to fecking listen.....

Oh yes...

goodmum123 · 15/01/2012 22:10

Teach two days a week and work for your husband then you will hopefully gain a worklife balance x

theluckiest · 15/01/2012 22:10

On one hand I think YABU as you're in your NQT year and by all accounts this is an absolute nightmare of a year so fingers crossed it will get better.

However, I personally feel YANBU as I could have written your post word for word. I am in exactly the same position. In fact , I had this conversation only yesterday with my mum bemoaning the fact that I see my kids for less than an hour each day during the week and feel endlessly guilty/knackered/stressed. I do feel that I am getting more ruthless with my time though - planning is getting quicker and I try to be strict with myself regarding deadlines (ie, it WILL be done by 10pm!)

It didn't help last Friday when that idiot Gove informed us that even if teachers have to work longer hours for less pay, pension and holiday then they should suck it up 'if they are dedicated to their job'!!!! Paraphrasing but thats more or less what he was getting at.

Go through waves of loving this job and absolutely hating it - have sacrificed time with my young kids during term-time which makes me terribly sad but the Christmas holidays were bliss and I cannot wait to have that time off with them again soon.

I feel your pain OP and do PM me if you want to offload - you have a more than sympathetic and understanding ear here!

McHappyPants2012 · 15/01/2012 22:11

i have to say this thread has opened up my eyes.

op would TA be an option

HintofBream · 15/01/2012 22:13

You should complete your NQT year if you hope to try supply. If not you will only qualify for "Instructors" pay.

Halbanoo · 15/01/2012 22:15

Yeah, unfortunately, that's the reality of teaching. I retrained to become a primary school teacher and managed to work a few years before having DS. I returned to the classroom when he was about 6 months old but stopped outright the next year. I knew I could not take care of both things well. The late night grading and the weekend planning time was awful. My students needed me; my son needed me. I didn't know how to balance the two. Not to mention, I was a completely preoccupied with my baby's needs when I was with my class--completely not fair to them at all. I realized my students deserved someone who was fully devoted to them in the classroom.
Hats off to anyone who can balance both well. I know I personally was not one of them.

I may return to teaching when DS is older and in school himself, but for the moment I'll happily leave the job to someone more energetic and engaged than I'm capable of being at this point in my life.

ComposHat · 15/01/2012 22:15

As the offspring of two teachers, I can empathise!

Please don't do anything before the end of your NQT year, I think you need to see it through and get a sense of how it pans out. If you leave now wouldn't that make it hard to return to teaching?

As others have said, it will get easier, your daughter will go to bed later and you will gain confidence and experience.
I certainly always relished having my parents around during holidays.

In the short term, could you not come home earlier and then do the marking and paperwork after she has home to bed?

RainboweBrite · 15/01/2012 22:17

Sorry, posted too soon! I have had 9 days supply work between May and November and nothing since then. I am very close to calling time on it completely. I qualified in 2008 and it took a year and a half and a move from one end of the country to the other before I got my first and only job on a temporary contract, but at least it enabled me to complete my NQT year. There are thousands like me, so I hope you appreciate just how lucky you were to land a job straight after training and I think you owe it to yourself and the thousands of NQTs who would love to be in your position to finish off the year.

Ticketybootoo · 15/01/2012 22:22

Frankly I empathise with you or anyone trying to hold down a job with kids . I have had a couple of careers and and am now embarking on my 3rd at the age of 43 and its tough when you have young children and are the primary carer ! Hopefully like most jobs yours will get better and the kids will get older and it will get easier....

spenditwisely · 15/01/2012 22:28

I think you should trust your instincts and look after your own kids for now. You will never get that time back and your children will benefit knowing they have you around. You can pick up the teaching again later, and will probably be more enthusiastic to go into teaching once your own children are a bit more independent. You could go on the school governing body to keep in touch with it if you feel you need to.

breathedeeply · 15/01/2012 22:36

I retrained as a secondary school teacher when my DCs were 2, 6 and 10. the workload was hellish and I really struggled. I couldn't get part-time and so gave up. I subsequently had another DC. I now work in a p/t admin job for which I'm over-qualified but which fits in with school hours. I've never regretted it - there is so much more to my identity than being a 'professional'. Financially we're screwed, but family life is so much better.

PatTheHammer · 16/01/2012 14:45

Rainbow- advising somebody to look at working part-time is not the 'wrong advice'. The OP would have to put in a request with her own school to see if they would consider giving her part-time hours (presumably job-share if primary) and then they would emply another part-time teacher, giving somebody like you the chance of a job. Under the pay and conditions etc there is a section that employers have to consider all reasonable requests for part-time work.................consider, of course they may well refuse on terms of the effect on children's learning.
What is not a good idea is leaving a full-time teaching post for a part-time post elsewhere because as you say they will be loads of applicants (although if you were confident you could get the job then why not apply of your own school won't consider it!)

Looking into becoming a teaching assitant seems to be becoming more popular around here. My friend's wife is a qualified TA who was made redundant 3 years ago, in nearly all interviews she has been on in the last 3 years the job was given to a qualified teacher who had left teaching.

hackmum · 16/01/2012 14:51

I do have some sympathy, because I know teaching is bloody hard work, but I have to wonder at the statement "The problem is that teaching is not all its cracked up to be." Who by? The only people who ever say that teaching is easy are people who know nothing about it but still like to witter on about short hours, long holidays, bone idle teachers etc. All the actual teachers I know are permanently exhausted.

Still, I know people who do supply and it is a lot easier because you switch off at the end of the day, you don't mark work, you don't fill in millions of forms, and you teach a lesson that someone else has already prepared. But it's less rewarding, I imagine.

LindyHemming · 16/01/2012 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainboweBrite · 16/01/2012 16:39

Patthehammer, If the OP has got a permanent position, she may be better placed to ask to go part-time. What I didn't agree with was several posters advising her to go part - time, when it is extremely difficult to find this type of work. I have spent two and a half years out of the past three and a half in two completely different areas of the country looking for a part-time teaching post, with no luck, so I feel I am right to point out just how hard it is to find.

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/01/2012 17:27

oops - when i said i thought it was a vocation i wasnt being arsey or a "brigade" - i just genuinely thought that people wouldnt go into such kiddy oriented jobs if it wasnt a vocation iyswim? but then i thought about some of the teachers i have encountered and some of them clearly didnt go into it for the love of the job...

i can relate to the op in part, as my job is also very family unfriendly - im sick of the number of people who have said to me 'join the force, get a divorce' (am a police officer)

my sister is a teacher btw....

i have gone into my career much later, my children are much older and i think thats the only way for me to have done it, i know for a fact that while my children were small i could not have done my job. (and i still feel very conflicted even now if i miss any special events , though i do i suppose have the luxury of being able to book my holiday time whenever i need it subject to availability!

If i were you, i would do what ever you need to do to complete your teaching qualification, then, and only then, think about whether you want a career break. If you do, you could always return to teaching at a later date, though things do seem to move on in teaching as my DSis found out when she wanted to go back.

PatTheHammer · 16/01/2012 19:38

Rainbow- I appreciate how hard it is and you are right to point it out. i know many qualified teachers who are looking for work, any work. I think that most of the posters (including myself) who advised 'going part-time' meant 'ask your school if you can work part-time'. I don't think anyone would suggest quitting and then looking for a part-time job in this climate. Good luck with your own search.

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