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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm overthinking this, aren't I? Tell me to stop being over sensitive

59 replies

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:34

Over the last few months, since October I guess, DP has been having physio on his hand due to an operation he had on it in September.

He went every 3 - 4 weeks, had 5 sessions in total, all is well and was discharged completely last week.

At his sessions he had a trainee physiotherapist. A female around early 20's he guessed. Said she was nice, knew what she was doing etc. I mean, obviously I am aware that at a 30-40 minute session, they're bound to converse.

Now, I'm not jealous at all. I admittedly have low self-esteem at the minute, just some minor body issues and a loss of confidence in myself since having DS 10 months ago. Anyway, there I was the other day moaning about some old school 'friend' trying to add me on facebook (yes, sorry facebook related Blush ) who I didn't want as a friend on there when he piped up;

"Oh, that lady who did my physio sessions messaged me on there the other day"

Don't get me wrong, I don't think every woman out there is planning on stealing my DP, (even though we had problems with a particular female at the beginning of our relationship) I casually asked what she had said and he mumbled something about her mentioning they had a friend or 2 in common. I'm not one to probe for details so I joked about her trying her chances. He said 'highly unlikely, I only ever spoke about you and DS to her at the sessions'.

I didn't ask if he replied to her or if there had been an ongoing conversation. Since this was a few days ago, I feel my time has passed to ask about it.

So, should I? I know he won't cheat but I'd like to be made aware of a female attempting to poach my man!

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 14/01/2012 20:38

You're being ridiculous.

SpiritOfWinter · 14/01/2012 20:40

Do you trust your husband? I don't think she's trying to steal him, but there might be something going on.

Check his message log, and draw a conclusion from there.

EauDeLaPoisson · 14/01/2012 20:40

If he was remotley interested he wouldnt have told you about it...

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:42

I know I am, I just needed to be told. I don't know how to check his message log, I don't think I could do it anyway.

OP posts:
OurPlanetNeptune · 14/01/2012 20:44

As someone upthread asked - do you trust your husband? You don't know her so do not know her motives (based on what you've written probably very innocent) but you do know your husband. If you trust your husband there is no problem.

BalloonTwister · 14/01/2012 20:44

Relax...he told you, which usually means he's got nothing to hide. She's probably (given her age) just one of those friend collectors who tries to add everyone they've ever met in order to look popular. You've already said you know he won't cheat, so what does it matter if someone takes a fancy to him? Take it as a compliment and enjoy having a handsome loyal man at your side! :)

SpiritOfWinter · 14/01/2012 20:44

Do you have his Facebook password (assuming it is Facebook)?

emsyj · 14/01/2012 20:44

Isn't there some sort of rule about health professionals not doing this sort of thing? Confused

If this happened to my DH, I would encourage him strongly to report it. This sort of thing is not on IMO - a physiotherapist should not be attempting to initiate social contact with a patient .

ilovesooty · 14/01/2012 20:44

YABU.

However, I'm wondering why a physio would FB someone who was a former patient. Seems she has no understanding of professional boundaries.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:45

I trust him 100%

but why would she actively seek him out on facebook. Unless she was searching through all her friends friendlist and happened across him. Which being the latter as the least likely.

Hmmph. I need to get out more!

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 14/01/2012 20:45

She's risking her job, if she has a fling with him. Tbh, it is questionable her messaging him without his consent, if they had only ever met through him being treated by her. She certainly shouldn't be searching for patients. You are warned about fb and professional bounderies in any social care job.

SpiritOfWinter · 14/01/2012 20:46

Yes. Yes, you do. Grin

Birdsgottafly · 14/01/2012 20:46

X post with ils, it is a bit odd, tbh.

shouldabeenwashedinajug · 14/01/2012 20:47

Are physiotherapists allowed to have relationships with their patients? I thought that the same rules applied as with doctors.

I only say that as I have a friend who went to a physiotherapist and asked her out once the treatment had ended. I think he was a bit cagey about it all/wasn't really supposed to do it.

The details are a bit lost in the mists of time now though for me...

suebfg · 14/01/2012 20:48

I think it's odd. At the very least, because as per previous posts, it's crossing professional boundaries. I think you're right to be cautious about her intentions.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:48

*least unlikely, sorry!

OP posts:
chunkythighs · 14/01/2012 20:50

Very unreasonable
Do you allow your husband have any female friends? As for the suggestions that you should poke through your husbands account? Hmm

Crazy thinking.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:55

Oh, I didn't think of professional boundaries. She is a trainee though, could it be different? No sane person would risk their potentialjob to message someone they treated a mere 5 times?!

Fuck it, I'm going to ask him.

OP posts:
suebfg · 14/01/2012 20:56

'*least unlikely, sorry!'

Sorry, what do you mean?

suebfg · 14/01/2012 20:57

No, it wouldn't be different if she is a trainee - other than maybe she is just a bit more immature.

In your position, I think I'd just have a little nosey on his Facebook account.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:58

One of his closest friends is female, I have no problem with him having female friends, that's totally not the issue.

OP posts:
Abirdinthehand · 14/01/2012 20:59

Would not be different if she's a trainee. Was it bhs treatment? Yabu to feel wierd about him being friends with a woman he's met a few times. But Yanbu to feel concerned about the professional boundaries of this woman. Totally inappropriate.

Abirdinthehand · 14/01/2012 20:59

Nhs that should say.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 21:00

Oh, I thought I had made a grammar mistake, but you saying that made me realise I had it right the first time.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 14/01/2012 21:04

What are you going to ask him? Be careful about sounding as if you're accusing him of something.