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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm overthinking this, aren't I? Tell me to stop being over sensitive

59 replies

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 20:34

Over the last few months, since October I guess, DP has been having physio on his hand due to an operation he had on it in September.

He went every 3 - 4 weeks, had 5 sessions in total, all is well and was discharged completely last week.

At his sessions he had a trainee physiotherapist. A female around early 20's he guessed. Said she was nice, knew what she was doing etc. I mean, obviously I am aware that at a 30-40 minute session, they're bound to converse.

Now, I'm not jealous at all. I admittedly have low self-esteem at the minute, just some minor body issues and a loss of confidence in myself since having DS 10 months ago. Anyway, there I was the other day moaning about some old school 'friend' trying to add me on facebook (yes, sorry facebook related Blush ) who I didn't want as a friend on there when he piped up;

"Oh, that lady who did my physio sessions messaged me on there the other day"

Don't get me wrong, I don't think every woman out there is planning on stealing my DP, (even though we had problems with a particular female at the beginning of our relationship) I casually asked what she had said and he mumbled something about her mentioning they had a friend or 2 in common. I'm not one to probe for details so I joked about her trying her chances. He said 'highly unlikely, I only ever spoke about you and DS to her at the sessions'.

I didn't ask if he replied to her or if there had been an ongoing conversation. Since this was a few days ago, I feel my time has passed to ask about it.

So, should I? I know he won't cheat but I'd like to be made aware of a female attempting to poach my man!

OP posts:
TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 21:04

Yes, NHS treated.

I don't actually know if he is friends with her or if they were just messaging and I haven't checked, I don't even know her name. He's very private so has very few friends on facebook. Like I said, I didn't probe further than asking what she had said in the initial message.

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/01/2012 21:06

My therapist gave me her mobile number and texts me to see how I am doing...

So YABU. IMO

emsyj · 14/01/2012 21:09

Gosh, that is restrained - if my DH had told me he'd got a FB message from his physio (which he wouldn't because he's not on FB...) I would have demanded he flip the laptop screen round so I could laugh read her messages! But then I am very nosey. Years ago, DH worked with a young woman who pursued him very hotly - she got his mobile number from another colleague and used to send him dirty texts about wearing sexy underwear and ask him if she should come over and show him Shock - he never showed any interest (he was mortified with embarrassment at the whole thing) but oh, I did used to enjoy chuckling at her attempts at sexy texting! Grin

BadDayAtTheOrifice · 14/01/2012 21:09

The physio has been very unprofessional and contacted your husband outside of her professional relationship with him and this is not permitted, even if she is a trainee.

Your husband has told you and hidden nothing and if she contacted him he's done nothing wrong. She, however should be reported to her university so they can stop her doing this. If she continues, they won't let her stay on the course.

suebfg · 14/01/2012 21:09

Have a look at the message for yourself and don't approach him directly. I know it's underhanded but seeing it for yourself will give you the best reassurance

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 21:10

I jokingly asked if his new physio lady had messaged him lately. He said no, showed me the message and his reply.

All quite innocent, she just said about it being a small world as they have a mutual friend and he replied saying yes it is, thanks again for the physio.

Nothing more. He did express concern that I though he might be having an affair but I said it wasn't like that, just thought it odd she had messaged him. And he said nothing to worry about.

Just me and my lack of confidence. Tut, I need to get new things to think about.

OP posts:
LowRegNumber · 14/01/2012 21:10

If they have mutual fb friends then he would have cone up in her "people you may know". List at some pointd. I would guess this happened and she though oh that is that bloke I treated lol. If he is discharged she is probably breaking no rules and I can't see any reason to worry about it tbh! You trust your dh so stop worrying Smile

Kayano · 14/01/2012 21:11

I somehow think op wouldn't have given two hoots if the physio had a penis though...

Just the impression I get.

Some people suggestin reporting the physio to get her kicked off the
Course? Wtf? Hmm

edam · 14/01/2012 21:12

I don't think its normal, or advisable, for health professionals to become facebook friends with patients. Very strange behaviour on the physio's part. Completely unprofessional. So yes, I'd worry - why on earth does she think it appropriate to contact a patient socially? Why was she looking for him on fbk in the first place? This is not on and not normal.

LowRegNumber · 14/01/2012 21:12

X post, sorry!

Foundmymojo · 14/01/2012 21:13

I have a little knowledge of health professionals /rules etc and I think she is actually crossing professional boundaries by doing this. Possibly even patient confidentiality rules as you shouldn't use information about patient's you have seen out of work. The same applies if you are a student as you are still part of a professional body. I would report her to be honest, she's being unprofessional.

suebfg · 14/01/2012 21:15

'I somehow think op wouldn't have given two hoots if the physio had a penis though...'

No but heterosexual man isn't going to leave his wife for another man is he? Fact of life.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 21:15

I do agree it's unprofessional for her to be contacting him via facebook.

But I'm satisfied with his reply. It was to the point and short and didn't need a reply from her.

I totally should be chuffed a woman has shown an interest in my very faithful man, I know. Thanks ladies, especially those who said IWBU, because I really was!

OP posts:
BadDayAtTheOrifice · 14/01/2012 21:17

Not to get her kicked off the course, but she needs to know she cannot do that.

TongueTwisted · 14/01/2012 21:19

That is possible LRN ... so why didn't she say so?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/01/2012 21:21

No but heterosexual man isn't going to leave his wife for another man is he? Fact of life

Good grief. He had a message, and was quite open about it. Rather a big jump to suggest nosing in his account and that he's somehow up to something untoward.

LowRegNumber · 14/01/2012 21:28

She commented that they had a mutual friend. Sounds like a total something and nothing to me.. possibly without the something. Wink your dh sounds like he has his head on the right way up too!

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 14/01/2012 21:30

I'm an AHP too and if she had been my student, and had told me she'd messaged a pt, discharged or not, on FB, she'd have been given a severe dressing down. It's completely wrong and she needs to know this. Mutual friends are not a good enough reason. She sounds very immature.

suebfg · 14/01/2012 21:39

'Good grief. He had a message, and was quite open about it. Rather a big jump to suggest nosing in his account and that he's somehow up to something untoward.'

Not such a big jump actually - affairs do happen you know and OP clearly had doubts or else why would she post?

ilovesooty · 14/01/2012 21:49

She posted and has already indicated that she WBU for thinking there was anything to worry about.

I don't get why anyone would start suggesting nosying in his FB or the prospect of his leaving his wife on evidence this flimsy.

HowlingBitch · 14/01/2012 21:57

Because maybe sometimes we all have pangs of insecurity that don't really have any logic or justification behind them? It's all human to me!

I find alot of these threads tend to turn into

"Well my DH has 30 female friends! He has slept naked in the same bed with them many times and I don't mind I trust him completely. Their children even call him daddy! You sound needy OP and obviously don't trust him"

OP, He sounds like a good guy and probably didn't see any fault in it. It's perfectly OK to have these feelings sometimes as long as they cause problems in your relationship. :)

suebfg · 14/01/2012 21:59

I wasn't suggesting he would leave his wife. That post was in response to a previous post suggesting OP wouldn't have an issue if the physio had a penis - read it in context please!

Re nosying in Facebook, if I were in that position and was doubting DH to that degree, then yes, I'd look on Facebook for myself before posting on open forums about it.

HowlingBitch · 14/01/2012 22:04

I did read it and think that argument is tired personally. He is a heterosexual male so ofcourse she wouldn't feel this perfectly normal feeling if it were a man.

Again, If this doesn't interfere with your relationship and you just wanted alittle reassurance that's fine.

HowlingBitch · 14/01/2012 22:07

Oh, Missed a post.

Sorry Sue!

ashamednamechanger · 14/01/2012 22:08

Oh FGS, she is, what, in her 20's? Obviously just trying to get as many friends as possible on her friends list. Bet she also has the bloke who sells her wine every Friday night in the local off license shop!

My OH is constantly on Facebook, giving me updates on what is happening in the 'real world'Hmm
Let it go and get off Facebook The Devil's Bible.

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