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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave 7 year old 'home alone' for 5 minutes

67 replies

Sticklebug · 14/01/2012 08:18

It was time to collect DD (10) from a friends at 6pm and DS (7) was engrossed in a drawing and asked if he could stay at home while I went out to collect. I was immediately comfortable with this as have never left him before and has not left DD at that age. So checked neighbour was in and then decided to leave him with strict instructions to go next door if he felt worried. Popped next door when I went out and she said she would keep eye out for him.

So get to DD's friend house and decline invite to pop in and explained that I had left DS on his own for the first time and was keen to get back (journey to DD's friends house was approx 2 mins). I was shocled by the reaction for DD's friends mum. She said ' is that not too young to leave a child alone? Do you leave DD? I explained that I was a nit apprehensive, but he was comfortable to be left for 5 minutes and neighbour looking out for him. She then asked ' do you leave DD alone? I explained that we had recently started to leave DD for short peiods- up to 20 minutes- she said that she had never left her DD (11) for even 2 minutes!

I then said that I should really get back now and she followed us to the car saying' I really don't think that either of your children are old enough to be left 'home alone'.

When we got home, DS was still drawing and did not look as if he had moved since I left. He glanced up, said 'do you like my picture' and went back to it. Neighbour texted to say ' seethat you are home- no sign from DS'.

Then I got a text from DD friends mum -'it is against the law to leave a child under 9 in the house on their own. Social services would be VERYinterested to hear that you left a 7 year old alone'

So...AIBU or is this ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sticklebug · 14/01/2012 08:19

Should have written 'NOT' immediately comfortable..

OP posts:
Canella · 14/01/2012 08:25

I'm not in the UK but I leave Ds1 (7) home alone while I walk down to the bus stop to pick up ds2 - I'm probably out the house for 10 or 15 mins. He knows not to answer the door & i've got my mobile with me & he knows how to phone me. He just sits watching the tv & doesnt move.

Dd (10) is also happy being left at home & has a key to let herself in (altho she very rarely uses it).

It all depends on the dc in my opinion & how safe the area is you live in.

troisgarcons · 14/01/2012 08:26

'it is against the law to leave a child under 9 in the house on their own. Social services would be VERYinterested to hear that you left a 7 year old alone'

Some people talk crap. There is no law - even the NSPCC website tells you that. But have a look @ the directgove website (font of all wisdom!)
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Yourchildshealthandsafety/Yourchildssafetyinthehome/DG_070594

The most important factor to consider is how mature the child is. For example, it may be okay to leave a mature 12 year old alone, but not a 13 year old who is not mature.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) advises that:
?children under the age of about 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
?children under the age of 16 should not be left alone overnight
?babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

bigTillyMint · 14/01/2012 08:28

YANBU to leave him for up to 15mins with a neighbour on hand and you only 2mins away if you trust him and he is confident with being left.

babybythesea · 14/01/2012 08:29

I remember the first time I was left home alone - I was about 10. My Dad went to collect my sister from Brownies. I did get scared but then I had an over-active imagination and spooked easily (and it was winter so dark). It was good for me though - about a year later I was walking home on my own from secondary school and was on my own in the house after school every day for about an hour.
Your dd definitely needs to be left alone for short periods as she must also be on the verge of secondary, if not already there.

7 does sound young, but if the neighbour was looking out for him then maybe it's no issue. Not sure I'd do it, if I'm honest, but you know your son and the set-up better than me so really it's your decision to make.

madaboutmadmen · 14/01/2012 08:31

tell her to piss off, chopsy cow!

catsareevil · 14/01/2012 08:32

Your DDs friends mum clearly doesnt know what the law is and sounds overbearing and annoying.

duckdodgers · 14/01/2012 08:33

Its not against the law, tell your friend she is talking bollocks.

I dont think YABU - its not hours on end and you didnt go for a night out. I dont like the tone of the "Social services would be very interested to know"

Renniehorta · 14/01/2012 08:35

she said that she had never left her DD (11) for even 2 minutes!

That is the part of the post that I find truly shocking. We are infantilising our children. No wonder we get year 7s who are incapable of making decisions without consulting an adult. I am thinking here of really tough ones like, "Should I turn over the page?".

zookeeper · 14/01/2012 08:36

YANBU - I would be furious with her.

I would say it is completely irresponsible of her never to have left her 11 year old at alone at all.

jkklpu · 14/01/2012 08:43

I think we're capable of assessing how mature our kids are and how capable they would be of calming themselves if we went out for brief periods. What always makes me think again is the idea that something could happen to me when I was out, eg getting run over crossing the road on the way to buy milk, even if it's only a few minutes away. In that case, no one would know that there was a child on his own at home. If you have good relationships with neighbours and it really is only a few minutes, a good option is probably to ask them to step into your house for the few minutes. But I think people have to work out what they're comfortable with and be really honest about how long the absence is.

Iscreamtea · 14/01/2012 08:43

You know your child so best placed to judge, but assuming he's sensible then YANBU.

troisgarcons · 14/01/2012 08:44

TBH I never cease to be amazed at other parents mollycoddling of their off spring. I had one acquaintance who wouldnt let her son use a male public toilet on account of 'all the perverts in there Shock and she still dragged him into the ladies through Y7 Shock Ditto swimming bath changing rooms.

I know 16yos who aren't allowed to have their own bank accounts. I know several 16yos who are not allowed to use public transport and are micro-managed and ferried by parents everywhere (including to and from school)

Iscreamtea · 14/01/2012 08:45

At 7 they're surely old enough to go for help if you don't come back though jkklpu?

Squeegle · 14/01/2012 08:49

The only thing that is unreasonable is your "friend's" very rude and rather threatening text. Not keen on the sound of her.

squeakytoy · 14/01/2012 08:53

That is no friend. YANBU to leave a 7 year old alone for a short time like that, if you know they are generally sensible. Most children that age are allowed to play out on their own, which has far more associated risks than being in their own home for a few minutes.

As for her never leaving her 11yo alone, that is just absurdly ridiculous and cotton wool parenting.

JayVazzle · 14/01/2012 08:57

YANBU.

Your friend is though, at 11 dd was walking home from school, letting herself in and I got home at 5.20. So many of her friends can barely cook toast because they have been helicoptered all their lives.

youarekidding · 14/01/2012 09:02

Well on the back of a similar thread about a 6&8 yo left alone I for the first time agreed to leave DS (7) alone in the house this morning whilst I drove (600m!) away to shop. He plays out with friends for up to an hour at a time in our street.

He asked me and I left the phone with my number by it, a key and the neighbours are all in (flat).

He was watching out of the window as I de-iced the car and waving and then as he went to shut the curtain the whole rail fell down and he has a huge scratch on his face. He rang me though and so I drove back onto the drive and he came down and came with me.

So yes, I would leave a 7yo but it has highlighted the importance of making sure they know what to do in an emergency/ if there's a problem.

She's talking rubbish about SS and I would be distancing myself from her if you think she may cause trouble for you. Sad

Proudnscary · 14/01/2012 09:04

Why do AIBU threads go in trends like this?

What is this current home alone obsession about?

Original poster
Sticklebug · 14/01/2012 09:06

Thanks for the posts. DS is sensible and was engrossed in something and our neighbour can see our front door from her kitchen window.

I agree about it being odd that she would not leave DD at 11, and has made me realise that she always drops her Dd to school and collects. We still do same with our DD, but only because of DS who is not ready to walk to school alone or with DD yet (2 busy roads to cross). But DD's friend lives 3 mins walk from school and has no roads to cross. She is the youngest, so no younger siblings to drop- not sure what she will do next year when she is at secondary school. Think that she is probably the only yr6 sho is walked to and from school every day. Anyhow, not my place to judge- just s not her place to judge my decisions!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sticklebug · 14/01/2012 09:10

Should also say that she is not a friend. DD has recently made friends with her DD- last week was only second time my DD had been to her house and she has been to ours once.

OP posts:
TrollopDollop · 14/01/2012 09:24

yanbu. What were all doing at 7? I lived in London and often played outisde without adult supervision with my friends on the estate I lived on. It is very sad that this generation will not benefit from the freedom we had. It's madness.You know your son and it was 5 minutes and you had spoken to your neighbour. She sounds overly anxious.

Original poster
Sticklebug · 14/01/2012 09:31

DD's friend is due to come here after school on Monday. Have just had this text: 'I would like to make it absolutely clear that under NO circumstances do I give you permission to leave my child alone without adult supervision'...

Am seriously considering cooling off this friendship and just letting them play at school.

Have not replied to text yet.

OP posts:
Renniehorta · 14/01/2012 09:38

I would refuse to have this girl over. The mother sounds a nightmare, you could be exposing yourself to all sorts of problems with her. Steer clear!

squeakytoy · 14/01/2012 09:41

I would go with that instinct Stickle.. the woman is clearly going to be a nuisance.