to leave 7 year old 'home alone' for 5 minutes

[Sticklebug]

It was time to collect DD (10) from a friends at 6pm and DS (7) was engrossed in a drawing and asked if he could stay at home while I went out to collect. I was immediately comfortable with this as have never left him before and has not left DD at that age. So checked neighbour was in and then decided to leave him with strict instructions to go next door if he felt worried. Popped next door when I went out and she said she would keep eye out for him.

So get to DD's friend house and decline invite to pop in and explained that I had left DS on his own for the first time and was keen to get back (journey to DD's friends house was approx 2 mins). I was shocled by the reaction for DD's friends mum. She said ' is that not too young to leave a child alone? Do you leave DD? I explained that I was a nit apprehensive, but he was comfortable to be left for 5 minutes and neighbour looking out for him. She then asked ' do you leave DD alone? I explained that we had recently started to leave DD for short peiods- up to 20 minutes- she said that she had never left her DD (11) for even 2 minutes!

I then said that I should really get back now and she followed us to the car saying' I really don't think that either of your children are old enough to be left 'home alone'.

When we got home, DS was still drawing and did not look as if he had moved since I left. He glanced up, said 'do you like my picture' and went back to it. Neighbour texted to say ' seethat you are home- no sign from DS'.

Then I got a text from DD friends mum -'it is against the law to leave a child under 9 in the house on their own. Social services would be VERYinterested to hear that you left a 7 year old alone'

So...AIBU or is this ok?

Steer clear of this woman. She is incredibly rude.

What a stupid woman. YADNBU. I pity her DD, feel it's rather sad as PPs have said, that so many are intent on cosseting their children.

My parents were over-protective and it used to drive me up the wall. Kids do like to have little bits of responsibility - and freedom - especially at age 11.

Just saying....

Really, she sends texts like that?
She wouldn't be having the pleasure of my childs company. Anytime.
YWNBU by the way.

ok your neighbour was watching your child, your child I assume has no special needs which would place him at higher risk (as mum of Aspergers child who used to run away still at 7 and three non Aspergers children who could be trusted at 7, well one is still 6), you were away for 5 minutes, well I'd say you risk assessed the situation pretty ok. Next time tell your 10 year old to walk home alone, that will really get up the other mother's backside - I bet her children are glad to go to school to get away from their helicopter mum and so they can be left alone and independent for a few hours a day.

I've left my 6 year old for 10 mins, he's sensible and knows to not answer the door and to go to a neighbours if he needs to and how to ring me.

Home alone threads this week getting progressively older i see - 18 months, 3.5 yo, now 7 yo.

This woman sounds like some of the cotton wool parents on MN tbh.

Not sure if I'd do it or not (I have a 5yo) but in the situation you describe I don't see the problem at all

yes I thought that Whatmeworry. It's very odd. I was going to round them all up at one point

What will have changed by the time your |DS is 14 though (other than the fact he might have started slyly smoking??)

Exactly SPB. Given that my house hasn't caught fire in the 10 years I've lived in it, I can be fairly confident that it won't do so in the next ten minutes. So I have to balance the risk of an emergency happening while I'm not around with the risks associated with growing up with no ability to be left alone.

Plus once children get to secondary school there is NO childcare after school. If an 11 yo isn't happy to get the bus home, let themselves in and be alone for a couple of hours, you can pretty much kiss any chance of employment goodbye!

Stealthpolarbear-exactly, DS would not touch toaster/kettle/oven/fire at this age, but at 14 could easily be at higher risk of injury than at 7!

Having said that, I would only leave him for a few minutes when he is occupied and neighbour is in.

Have replied to text saying 'I would never leave another persons child without adult supervision. I know how responsible my children are and on this base my judgement of their ability to be left in what situation for how long. I would not make this judgement for anothers child'.

Will go ahead with this weeks play, but will be the last one.

and a for good measure!

I think I'd be composing a text along the lines of

Hi X, just wanted to clarify a few points... Firstly, you're wrong; it is not against the law to leave a 7 yr old alone for 10mins. Secondly, it sounds like you are threatening me. Thirdly, I would never presume to take the decision about leaving a mature child unattended for a short time about anyone's child but my own, so of course I would not leave your child alone. Based on your threats, trying to scare me with your ignorance of the law, your assumptions and general tone, I would prefer not to have your DD round to play. See you around.

But then I do send very long and wordy texts...

TBH - just be aware - she will school gate gossip about you - by the time it's whizzed round you will habitually off out to score a wrap and leaving the kids whilst you are over the pub flashing your knickers every night.

If I were you I would take steps to nullify that first thing Monday morning.

YANBU. you know your DC. An average 7 is mature enough to be alone for 5 minutes.
About "what if you are in an accident??" - surely it's better if the child is safely at home and not in the same accident then?
An 11-year old who has not been alone for a single minute - now this is what I find scary.

On current form we will have a 14 yo left alone thread by Sunday and a 28 yo on Tuesday.

And there will be people criticizing leaving them alone for 5 minutes on both threads......

I wouldnt leave a 7 year old alone but 11 year old no problem. This woman does sound a nightmare with her most recent text, think you are right about cooling the friendship a bit.

The woman is a PITA (and wrong on many counts!!), but I would not punish her daughter by not inviting her over any more (& not your daughter either) because of that.. poor kid probably needs any & every opportunity to get out of the house!

Imo we should teach our children emergency skills quite regardless of whether we are intending to leave them alone or not.

Who knows that it won't be me having that accident instead of the dc- I would find it extremely annoying to die through lack of attention if the same house contained a child of 7 or 8 who would be old enough to do something useful if suitably trained. And it would be dreadful for the child to have to live with.

A baby who didn't get help in an emergency could forgive himself in later life with the thought that I was just a baby. An 8yo would have to live with the guilt that other children my age would have done the right thing and I didn't.

Whatmeworry I am 32 and I think my mum stiill thinks I shouldn't be left home alone :o She'd forbid it if she could

It sounds like you took all reasonable precautions, but I wouldn't do it myself. Main reason is in case I meet someone I know and they say "Where's XXX" and I would have to either tell them a fib or tell them the truth, neither of which I am comfortable doing! Or if something unexpected happends on the way there and the 5 mins turns out to be a lot longer.

Ok I wouldn't leave my seven year old for more than five minutes, but I've left her for five minutes occasionally.

I wouldn't leave my 12 year old and her together for a second because I think that's too much for the 12 year old responsibility wise.

The just turned 12 year old gets herself to and fro school on a bus and if no one is home lets herself into the house and knows what to do - no hot food, no friends in, phone numbers of people close by for emergencies etc.

And I think I am probably a bit over protective tbh.

I would text this woman back and cancel. She sounds a nightmare and ,y concern would be that from here on in, if anything goes wrong from a fall to a squabble with the girls, it will be you and your child who get blamed. There is one child my 12 year old is friendly with who I do not invite her or let her visit for the same reason.

She sounds like she is a bit of a nightmare, this mum, because even if she had a bit of a concern, she could have chatted to you about it nicely, not sent threatening texts, the one about SS is outrageous and I very much doubt SS are interested in people popping to their neighbours for five min whilst another neighbour is watching for their child (even out the kitchen window). I wouldn't have the child over again, simple as, I would text back 'I don't appreciate being threatened with SS, and think it's best if we cancel Monday.'

I used to babysit for someone who used to leave their 8 year old between the end of school and about 5 o clock. They came from a scandanavian country in which this was perfectly normal.

I don't feel confident about leaving mine (8 and 6) at the moment, although I think my daughter is getting to the age of being able to walk to another family member a few streets away (if I cross her on the busy road). The main thing that stops me is other people's judgements and attitudes, this woman is just out of order in the way she has texted you, even if she did have a few concerns.

ye i agree i would just let the girls play together at school i dont think i wld trust her especially with that text!