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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave 7 year old 'home alone' for 5 minutes

67 replies

Sticklebug · 14/01/2012 08:18

It was time to collect DD (10) from a friends at 6pm and DS (7) was engrossed in a drawing and asked if he could stay at home while I went out to collect. I was immediately comfortable with this as have never left him before and has not left DD at that age. So checked neighbour was in and then decided to leave him with strict instructions to go next door if he felt worried. Popped next door when I went out and she said she would keep eye out for him.

So get to DD's friend house and decline invite to pop in and explained that I had left DS on his own for the first time and was keen to get back (journey to DD's friends house was approx 2 mins). I was shocled by the reaction for DD's friends mum. She said ' is that not too young to leave a child alone? Do you leave DD? I explained that I was a nit apprehensive, but he was comfortable to be left for 5 minutes and neighbour looking out for him. She then asked ' do you leave DD alone? I explained that we had recently started to leave DD for short peiods- up to 20 minutes- she said that she had never left her DD (11) for even 2 minutes!

I then said that I should really get back now and she followed us to the car saying' I really don't think that either of your children are old enough to be left 'home alone'.

When we got home, DS was still drawing and did not look as if he had moved since I left. He glanced up, said 'do you like my picture' and went back to it. Neighbour texted to say ' seethat you are home- no sign from DS'.

Then I got a text from DD friends mum -'it is against the law to leave a child under 9 in the house on their own. Social services would be VERYinterested to hear that you left a 7 year old alone'

So...AIBU or is this ok?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 14/01/2012 11:46

She sounds like an asshole, at 10 my children had keys and let themselves in after school and was there from 3.30 until half five when I got home every single day.

RainboweBrite · 14/01/2012 11:55

I pity this woman's DD, as she will be at a disadvantage when she is is old enough to fend for herself. She was very rude to send you those texts and if I were you, I wouldn't invite her DD over again. Not at all keen on helicopter parents, much prefer the benign neglect approach!

DexterTheCat · 14/01/2012 12:21

O/P You have done nothing wrong. except equiping your child with life skills. My Ds used to get the bus to and from school (it was a dedicated school bus). On a school trip when one of his classmates had an epileptic fit in the street and the teacher had to call an ambulance my son was the one sent to the end of the street to guide the ambulance in as he was deemed the most responsible.

We really are infantilising our children and it isn't a good thing. I was really shocked when one of the other mothers (someone I had thought was normal and sensible although at times a bit PFB) wanted to complain to the headmaster at Junior school when she found out, when the children went from kindergarten to juniors) that the children (ranging in age from 7-11) walked, unaccompanied (ie without a teacher) from the breakfast club room to the school hall in the morning. This was totally on school premises and involved the children walking from one side of the playground to the other a distance of about 20 feet. The gates to the school were all locked a part for the one which had a teacher stood on it until school started!!

I had to tell her to get a grip and did she not realise that throughout the whole day the children were walking a round around the school and going to different classrooms for lessons without being accompanied by a teacher at all times!!

Nanny0gg · 14/01/2012 12:21

The only aspect I might question is telling him to go next door if worried.
If the 'worry' is outside the house he wouldn't be able to go next door.
I don't suppose you'll do this on a daily basis anyway, but just teach him to use the phone and have you and neighbour on speed dial.

hatesponge · 14/01/2012 12:39

It's absolutely fine -assuming your DS is happy with it, which clearly he was - to leave him for a few minutes. Your DD's friends mum sounds like a massive PITA. I'd be very wary of having her DD over, as I suspect any minor incident (like the girls falling out over something) would be blown up as your failure to supervise them properly etc...

I do find the idea of 11 year olds never being left alone an odd one - I was by most people's thinking very over protected as a child. Despite this my parents left me at home on my own (between the hours of 8am-4pm) throughout the school hols from the age of 11.

cory · 14/01/2012 12:40

OP, I'm not sure your ds even qualifies for having been left alone. If the nextdoor neighbour is alert and looking out for him, how is that different from you hanging the washing out in the garden or being in the bath with the door shut.

Teaching him to use the phone, as NannyOgg suggests, is a good idea. (though if the worry is outside the house, Nanny, the ideal solution would seem to be not opening the door- or are we talking arsonists threatening to torch the house?)

MrsMcEnroe · 14/01/2012 12:46

YANBU at all OP.

In Victorian times, poor (as in not wealthy) mothers used to tie their infants to the bedstead for their own safety while they went out to work, for hours at a time.

Obviously this would not be acceptable these days (!) but leaving a 7-year-old for 10 minutes, with a neighbour aware of the situation, is not a crime and I think it reflects admirably on you and your DS that you both felt comfortable doing this.

DH and I have recently discussed leaving our 7yo DS alone in the house for 5-10 minutes while we pop to the shop at the end of the road etc. We've decided that, as long as we are confident that he can dial 999 if he has to and can unlock all the doors (some of them are a bit tricky), we will start doing it as soon as possible.

DexterTheCat · 14/01/2012 12:50

Should say Ds was 7 when he took the school bus and 7 when they had the school trip incident.

MrsMcEnroe · 14/01/2012 12:51

Would just like to add that I first went to the shops on my own (which involved crossing a huge main road without traffic lights/pedestrian crossing) at the age of 6. I was definitely left alone in the house for several hours at a time from the age of 11, possibly younger (during daylight hours). We did have a labrador who would bark whenever anyone came near the house - but only when I was alone in the house with her - so I always felt safe and protected!!

I also remember being off school with a throat infection at the age of 13, and my mum couldn't get time off work so I was on my own all day apart from a neighbour popping in to check on me mid-morning. Mum rang me every hour. I was fine. We even had an open fire with no fire guard and I (and the dog) surived!

(I wouldn't leave my DCs alone with an open fire, but thankfully we have no fireplaces in our house )

duckdodgers · 14/01/2012 12:54

Reminds me of when my DS1 first went to secondary school, the school was in the next town (about 2 or 3 miles away) so they all had to get the bus. Only 1 overprotective Mum obviously didnt trust the bus driver - and used to follow the bus to school, her poor son must have been mortified!

ISayHolmes · 14/01/2012 13:01

"Social services would be VERYinterested to hear that you left a 7 year old alone'"

I would have exploded at that. What a shitty veiled threat. She was trying to put the fear into you with that dig

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 14/01/2012 16:54

It's worrying, my niece (13) in August has never been allowed to play out, nor has she ever been left alone. I do worry about what will happen when she does start to have freedom.

corblimeymadam · 14/01/2012 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catsareevil · 14/01/2012 17:06

"Social services would be VERYinterested to hear that you left a 7 year old alone'"

You could always try phoning SS and see how interested they sound at that. I'm guessing not much...

TheParanoidAndroid · 14/01/2012 17:09

I'd just tell her to go fuck herself.

Deux · 14/01/2012 17:12

OP, do you think this mother's reaction is about her, not you?

I just wonder if you touched a nerve and she realises that she is infantalising her DD. So she attacks you instead. By saying that your behaviour is unreasonable, she is saying that hers is reasonable. So she can justify her own behaviour.

Just a thought.

exexpat · 14/01/2012 17:32

Your DD and this woman's DD are in year 6, presumably, and she has never left her 11-yr-old alone for 2 minutes? She is a loon and sounds rather like my sister . I agree that this is all about her own issues and the social worker threat is rubbish.

Your girls are going to be starting secondary next year, when most children make their own way to and from school, and many of them will be spending a couple of hours a day at home alone as secondary schools don't have after-school clubs. They also be doing wild and dangerous things like stopping off at the shops on the way home to buy unhealthy food.

I have 2 DCs, now 13 and 9, and started leaving them on their own for short periods from 7 or 8, and now DS 'babysits' his sister if I want to go out. By the time DS was 10 (yr 6) he was perfectly happy being left on his own for a couple of hours at a time.

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