To think that he should still have his son when he is 'I'll'

[missduff]

AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
So my ex has our 2 year old 1 day every weekend, tomorrow is his day to have him, I have made plans for Sunday. Today he text saying he needs to change to Sunday as he has a chest infection and doesn't want to give it to him and thinks he'll be better by Sunday. He didn't ask if we could swap, just told me.
Normally I wouldn't have a problem with swapping, there's been times when I've needed to swap, mainly for reasons such as DS having a party to go to etc, however when I have swapped it's always with at least a week's notice.
But this week we have arranged a day out with my DS, my DP and his 2 kids. They know about it and are looking forward to it and I don't think it's fair to disappoint them because my ex is ill.
I've felt like crap for the past 6 weeks due to flu, then a lingering bad chest, then I found out I'm pregnant so dr made me wait till last week before he would give me anti biotics and cough medicine.
Anyway my point is that I still have to look after my son when I am ill, I cant just wake up in the morning and say 'no I don't feel well enough to look after you go to your room and don't come out till I feel better'
It's ended up in a big argument, he's said he hates me, I told him he's a crap dad (which he is, there's a lot of history there).
So am I being unreasonable to say that he shouldn't be swapping his access days because he is poorly?
And as for 'I don't want to give it to him' goes, a chest infection isn't contagious, he's obviously stupid it thinks that I am!
Or maybe I'm just being awkward because I'm pregnant, hormonal, feel like shit and want everyone around me to suffer too?

So he's too ill to have his son on Saturday, but "he'll be better by Sunday"?

What, just like that, at midnight Saturday night, he'll magically be better?

I'd say there's nothing wrong with him, but something's come up and Sunday suits him better.

what CK just said, you cant know that you are too ill one day but will be fine the next, he has had a better offer or else he knew you had plans and wanted to scupper them.

Thanks everyone, seems Ive stirred a bit of a debate here.
I really don't know what to do for the best.
I've asked DS if he'd rather see daddy or (almost) step brother & sister and he said the step siblings, and then went on to have a crying fit because he wants to see them NOW!

I agree totally that his relationship with his dad is of paramount importance, however I've not denied him access, just not sure that the access should always be on his terms.
Also me and DP are really trying to work on the relationship between me, DS and his kids as in a few weeks we'll tell them that I'm pregnant and I think the better his kids know me and DS then the better they will take the news.

Also there was one occasion where I asked him to help me out by having DS the next day and he said he couldn't cos he was going to his girlfriend's family, I was pretty pissed off that he as choosing her family over his son but I thought 'fair enough, it's short notice and I can't expect u to drop your plans at the last minute'.
It's exactly the same situation here.

Definitely agree with the default parent. It often feels like he's more of a babysitter than a parent who shares the responsibility and he often makes it feel like he's doing me a favour by having him.
My DP is the total opposite with his kids, he has set days and times and if he has other plans which clash with the kids then he takes the responsibility to make other arrangements for them. If he's ill then he just copes, if he's got to work late his dad will pick them up, if we have a night out his mum will look after them. Never ever ever will he say 'sorry I can't them because....'

Mate, I know I said being flexible is good, but there is being flexible and there is bending to the other parent's hissy fit.

You need to be fair and firm, it sounds like you are running after him and like a toddler, the more you give in to displays of temper tantrums, the more that he will use it to get his own way. You have to have confidence in yourself that you are being fair, which you are. He called in ill, so he cannot pick and choose, you have a special day arranged and it's just going to have to wait until next weekend.

x

I think DS should stay with you for the week end. I have been a single Mum and had to "suck it up" at times when I was ill and had no one to have DC but it is miserable for the parent and the DC so if you can keep him then better for the DS. However you shouldn't have to swap if you have plans - how about he sees Daddy both days next week end or goes to Daddy's for tea one night in the week. Fair compromise?

Finally sorted it
I apologised for saying he was a crap dad and suggested he has him on one of my days off in the week (he doesn't work), I said there's no point in DS missing a day out and him trying to look after him whilst he feel like shit and pointed out that neither of them would have much fun.
I reassured him that I'm not trying to make it difficult for him to see him and reminded him of times when I have changed things to make sure he sees him.
He's agreed to this

This reminds me of my ex! (GRR)

In the past (when he was seeing him) he wouldn't have him if he was ill even though obviously I have never been able to switch off when I'm ill (I don't think any mother does).

We once had a major row because DS was ill. EX was due to pick him up at 9am on the sat morning. I telephoned him on the Friday evening to say that DS was poorly so I was going to let him sleep in till he (EX) arrived then just put him in the car in his pj's and he get dressed at his dads house if he was feeling better. That way DS still sees his dad and EX can take care of poorly DS for a change. Oh my word the backlash was immense. I was completely UR for not dressing him and he wouldn't be able to stay in his pj's all day anyway as EX had places to go!! How many of you have had to cancel your plans because DC are poorly??!! I refused to dress DS and in the end he gave in.

A week later DS was still poorly. I asked EX to take time off work to look after him (I was always having to take time off) He refused!! blatantly!!

Basiclally told me that because DS lives with me 90% of the time so its MY responsibility!!! Tosser

He's now stopped seeing DS altogether. He obviously thinks DS is too much hard work!!

Well done missduff, hope you have a good day tomorrow.

He's still a crap dad though! And you're a brilliant mum.

flightrisk what a tosser! Him not u lol.
Well if he has 10% custody then maybe he should take 10% of the sick days?
Having said this my DP's ex wife is the female equivalent, she demands that he takes a dependant day off work as one of DC are poorly and her job is too important! Lol. He does take his share of days off which is only fair but she's just a dick about it.

Thanks olgaga