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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a shit Mummy.

79 replies

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 19:02

I cannot remember how many weeks old she is (maybe about 15 but I would have to work it out).

She spent 2 hours in the car seat today stuck in traffic (and I read she is not supposed to spend more than 90 minutes).

Her tights have left a line on her little legs (so I guess they are too small).

I cannot seem to clear her snotty nose (even though we have every thing in the book for it, including a steamer).

I worry that I am not clever enough to teach her all the things she will ask me about.

I worry that I have taken the year off work and that I should go back sooner to show her about work ethics/being independent etc (I can't really explain this one properly).

A neighbour has just come and told me his cat is locked in our garage (since yesterday). I know that has nothing to do with my Mummy status but I felt bad for the poor cat.

Now I worry because she has seen me crying that she will pick up on it.

Please tell me this is normal Mummy behaviour. I love her so much and she is so gorgeous and beautiful and smiley I just want to get it right.

OP posts:

Groovee · 13/01/2012 19:05

You sound like you need like a hug (((hugs))) Not a shit mummy, just normal whatever normal means xx

Ponyclubmum · 13/01/2012 19:05

This is normal Mummy behaviour! You sound like you're doing fine to me. :)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2012 19:06

You're not even close to being a bad mother and there's no such thing as 'getting it right'. Stop worrying, love your child and do your best.

Boomerwang · 13/01/2012 19:06

Daft bugger :P You're fine, she's fine, it's all fine :)

Annunziata · 13/01/2012 19:06

You are a wonderful Mummy because you are noticing all these things and trying to make them better. You obviously love her very much :) Try not to worry so much and enjoy your lovely girl.

Hairynigel · 13/01/2012 19:09

You best get used to worrying, you'll be doing it for years from now!
It all sounds totally normal. Being a mother is a big job, don't panic about doing it all right. Take each day as it comes :)

Coldcuppacoffee · 13/01/2012 19:10

Sounds normal to me. I figure, at that age, they just need to feel safe and loved. The rest doesn't matter. I also think that, if their first memories are around 2.5 years, you can do what you like now and she won't remember!

Seriously though, this is motherhood. You'll never be perfect but your intentions will always come with love, and that's all that matters.

frenchisbest · 13/01/2012 19:11

Totally normal, worries part of the course i am afraid... It shows you only want the best for her!! If you didn't worry, you wouldn't care...

Limelight · 13/01/2012 19:11

Gin and tonic. Now.

MissPenteuth · 13/01/2012 19:11

Ok, in order:

An extra half hour in the carseat on one occasion will do no harm whatsoever.

The line will fade and if it was causing her actual discomfort I'm sure she'd have let you know.

Snotty noses on babies are the pits, but there is very little you can actually do about them. If only you could teach them to blow their teeny noses! Give lots of TLC and don't worry.

That's what Google and Wikipedia are for

Babies do not do not care about about independence/feminism/work ethics and will benefit more from having you there for as long as you can and want to.

I'm sure the cat will be fine.

I'm aure most mums cry at some point during their babies' first years, some even cry a lot (consider PND for example). It will not harm her, I promise.

And yes, it's all perfectly normal. Guilt comes with the territory of being a mother. Console yourself with the fact that if you weren't a good Mum you wouldn't worry about all these little things :)

OneWaySystemBlues · 13/01/2012 19:12

It is normal mummy behaviour - once a mum you feel like you're always getting it wrong!
Don't worry about the car seat - there's not much you can do if you're stuck in traffic and it's not like it happens every day.
Snot - not much to say on that. Perhaps it would help her to sleep if you propped her up a little, and carry on with the steam etc. You can buy little snot extractors somewhere (yuk) but not had personal experience of those.
You don't need to be clever, you just need to love her (which you do), feed her (which you are), talk to her and smile back (which I'm sure you do) That's all she needs at the moment. And lots of cuddles.
Job - your little one is too little to need you to show her a good work ethic by going back at this stage. She really won't know, but she will love having you around. If you want to go back, then that's a good reason to do so, but don't worry what your tiny baby thinks as she's too little at the moment and when she's older there's plenty of time to teach her about work ethics and being independent.
Cat - again, not your fault but I would feel exactly the same. My cat did this once but lived to tell the tale (so to speak).
You sound like you love your baby loads and just want to do the best for her - try and relax and enjoy it, it really doesn't last very long. Take care of yourself and enjoy your little baby whilst she's still little.

liveinazoo · 13/01/2012 19:12

you arent a bad mother....maybe tired and frazzled..but perfectly normal

Babaj · 13/01/2012 19:13

So your upset because you've been in the car too long? Get a f*ing grip!

scattergun · 13/01/2012 19:14

So normal you brought tears of sympathy to my eyes. Keep this and read it in a few years when you're on the Friday threads for fun. x

PoppadumPreach · 13/01/2012 19:19

your post should be an example to every new mother as to what is NORMAL!

when the mist of sleeplessness gradually lifts, and you feel half human again, things will be better....

and then something else will set it off again. and you'll feel like a crappy mum again.....

unless you feel you'd get 100% every day for your mummy skills, you'll beat yourself up about it. but as long as you care about it, you should be ok

MrsPotter · 13/01/2012 19:28

Babaj that was a little harsh.

sittinghippo · 13/01/2012 19:34

Oh the guilt... I'm afraid it never goes away! Your little girl sounds truly loved and well looked after, she is a lucky little thing.
FWIW I lost count of how many weeks my DD is after about the third week!

Oh, the feelings intensify the first time they roll off the bed or you bump their head on the door frame on your way through. (Not just me right?? )

Babaj · 13/01/2012 19:35

Well I cannot stand people who are so dramatic! Because she was in the car too long, she's started questioning her whole ability to parent????? Really????

babybythesea · 13/01/2012 19:36

More than normal -and if these things hadn't happened, something else would have done that you could worry about.
You will finally feel you have the hang of this baby stuff and be able to look after your infant with No Guilt, confident in your judgement, only to turn round and find she has had the nerve to grow up. And now you have new guilts (should I have watched her more carefully when she tried to climb the stairs? flush the cat down the toilet? and just when did she learn to remove her nappy and play in the poo???)
Life as a Mummy means constant guilt. Am I leaving her alone enough to foster her independence? Or too much so she's antisocial and deprived of my love? Am I taking her to too many baby classes so we don't have enough time at home? Or not enough classes so she's not getting the benefits of whatever it is they provide?
If it's any comfort, I decided a top of dd's looked a little tight. Well it would. When I checked it's for 18 months - she's 3. And quite big for 3 at that.

Ah well, she's getting into bed in one piece and quite happy so it clearly hasn't caused lasting damage....

MissPenteuth · 13/01/2012 19:37

Did you read the whole post Babaj, or just the first sentence?

Original poster

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 19:38

Thank you. I just want to get it right (and be fun at the same time). I wouldn't mind I wasn't even a baby person until she came along .

I like the idea of using Wiki and Google, will bear that in mind when she asks something obscure :)

Might go and open some wine as I don't like tonic Limelight.

Er thanks Babaj.

OP posts:

Bumpsadaisie · 13/01/2012 19:39

Cheshire. Remember you from October thread!

My DS has spent hours in car seat (IKEA trips etc). As long as it's not every day it's fine.

Tights - if she was really uncomfy shed let you know !

Returning to work - the more secure and strong the attachment to you in infancy, the more independent she will be as a preschooler. Babyhood is the appropriate time for dependence and it's great you've got the chance to be with her for a year! You don't need to teach independence - as babies become children they start to just BE independent as they grow up. You don't need to force it.

Bumpsadaisie · 13/01/2012 19:40

Ps snotty nose - have you got a snot sucker?

inatrance · 13/01/2012 19:40

Don't be mean Babaj.

You are perfectly normal, your baby sounds very loved. The craziness of these first few months does get easier I promise!

Have a nice cup of tea or wine, give your LO a big cuddle and get an early night.

Tomorrow is another day.

sittinghippo · 13/01/2012 19:41

At a guess I'd say Babaj doesn't have young children.

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