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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a shit Mummy.

79 replies

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 19:02

I cannot remember how many weeks old she is (maybe about 15 but I would have to work it out).

She spent 2 hours in the car seat today stuck in traffic (and I read she is not supposed to spend more than 90 minutes).

Her tights have left a line on her little legs (so I guess they are too small).

I cannot seem to clear her snotty nose (even though we have every thing in the book for it, including a steamer).

I worry that I am not clever enough to teach her all the things she will ask me about.

I worry that I have taken the year off work and that I should go back sooner to show her about work ethics/being independent etc (I can't really explain this one properly).

A neighbour has just come and told me his cat is locked in our garage (since yesterday). I know that has nothing to do with my Mummy status but I felt bad for the poor cat.

Now I worry because she has seen me crying that she will pick up on it.

Please tell me this is normal Mummy behaviour. I love her so much and she is so gorgeous and beautiful and smiley I just want to get it right.

OP posts:

shewhowines · 13/01/2012 19:42

Be careful that you don't try so hard to be the perfect parent that you transfer your anxieties on her as she gets older. If I were to have another baby I would relax so much more. They all turn out ok in the end (even if they've been dragged up!) As it is I have an anxious DS because I've tried so hard to be perfect. I've worried and obviously gone on too much about 5 fruit and veg/must have seatbelt on before driving off etc. I think I've made the world a scary place full of danger instead of an exciting one full of adventure.

Relax relax relax

bigkidsdidit · 13/01/2012 19:43

Do you normally have quite a high-powered job? I ask because I'm a scientist and when I wsa on mat leave I worried about the same things. It fades when you go back to work and now (DS is one :) ) I see him growing up and learning things that I didn't expressely teach him which is somehow reassuring

I bought him a children's encyclopedia, a children's bible, a book of fairy stories and myths and Aesop's fables for his birthday so he can look everything up for himself when he's able it's what my parents did and worked a treat!

have a nice wine.

babybythesea · 13/01/2012 19:44

Oh, and she will always ask you stuff you don't know the answer to. Partly because you can't know everything, and mainly because kids ask stuff that no-one else thinks to ask! There really is nothing wrong with saying 'I don't know - let's find out together'. I've been in teaching for over 10 years and still get questions I don't have answers to (I don't teach in the classroom - I teach at an environmental centre). I think it's good for kids to a)realise that we don't always have all the answers and b) work with you to access the information they want. Knowing how to find something out is a life skill so getting an answer to something together with your dd is teaching an important lesson (ask an expert, look in a book, look on-line etc).

I should point out, this is not the same as having to suddenly answer something you know but haven't thought out an answer for yet! Like, how the baby got in the lady's tummy, while you are standing in a busy queue in the supermarket and suddenly the conversation from others around you dies while they grin and wait to hear what you say..... that's a whole different skill!

danceswithfools · 13/01/2012 19:44

This is much better mum behaviour than I normally manage! My son is three and in his whole life has been completely snot free for about a month, at a guess. Have you tried raising one end of the cot? You probably have, but thought I would mention it as it really helps them sleep. We used to put catalogues or books under the legs.
Good luck!

Original poster

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 19:53

I am so glad I posted this now, your have all given me so many good thoughts and ideas.

I am glad there is a fair bit of snot about (sorry though for you other Mums!) as at least she is not the only one. We are doing the raised basket, we have a snot sucker (but that makes me feel sick :), spray up the nose, spar with olbas oil and baby snuffle rub on her gro bag. She does do some impressive bogeys. The snot thing keeps her awake in the early hours which is a shame as I think she would only wake the once overnight otherwise.

OP posts:

Babaj · 13/01/2012 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Babaj · 13/01/2012 19:58

Sittinghippo my DS is 21 weeks, also has a cold at the mo. I'm not having a nervous breakdown!

giyadas · 13/01/2012 19:59

Some days everything is easy, some days I doubt my ability at everything.
Sounds like you're doing fine Cheshire, chin up.

PoppadumPreach · 13/01/2012 20:00

"oooooh the vitriol Babaj, you naaauuuuughty girl!"

would you like us to soothe your clearly troubled little mind......you clearly need to calm down pet......

there there.......

Babaj · 13/01/2012 20:07

Am very calm cheers .
How old are you out of interest OP?

passmyglass · 13/01/2012 20:08

babaj you need to have a word with yourself.

Op i know absolutely completely how you feel. My DD is now five months but a couple of months ago i could have written a very similar post. I wasn't maternal type before DD either and then you suddenly have this little bundle that you love so much and you just feel frightened of doing a crap job. I think in no time at all you'll feel like you know eachother much better and you'll feel much more relaxed.

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2012 20:09

She's 15 weeks old and you're worried about 'teaching her work ethics?'

Really OP, chill out...you're doing just fine

zumm · 13/01/2012 20:10

Oh bless, your post made me blub a bit. You sound like a lovely caring mum... tis hard at this age.

PoppadumPreach · 13/01/2012 20:16

seriously, i know we're not nethuns or anything like that, but if you have nothing constructive to add to a thread just stay away.

New mum, needs support, problems irrelevant.

Surely mumsnet is about support, not picking a fight, even if it's in sodding AIBU?

fucking hell, i really really don't get some people here!!

and Worra after your graceless abuse on the "cat stuck up a tree" thread i take what you say in any subsequent thread with a HUGE pinch of salt.

zukiecat · 13/01/2012 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 20:18

I don't think wanting to get things right is the same as having a nervous breakdown Babaj. I am taking a year off but am on SMP only and (as I am sure you know) will get nothing at all towards the end of that year, and I am married to a Nurse, which is not known for it's amazing pay compared with the qualifications/hours etc they put in.

Oh and I am reading a book about BLW as it sounds like a good idea. So kiss that

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2012 20:19

Poppadum

Why would I remotely care how you take what I say?

I was talking to the OP, not you

Sorry OP, I hope you can take my post in the genuine way it was meant and ignore the stirrer.

You really are doing just fine by the sound of it

startwig1982 · 13/01/2012 20:30

If it helps, I worried all the time when ds was born. He's now 7 months(no idea how many weeks!) and although I'm more relaxed, I still get stressed over little things. Like, for example, today when he shoved an entire soldier of toast on his mouth and I was so worried he would choke! Fortunately, he was fine . I cry all the time: sounds completely normal to me!

Original poster

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 20:31

I have a professional job but not high powered Bigkids (would like a high powered salary).

Whopps I think I made Scatter blub a bit as well Zumm, sorry about that.

Ah definitely a thread to be kept, even if it's just for DD to laugh at me one day, or me to laugh at the cats-in-situations.

Don't know what difference my age makes Babaj but it's 35 anyway.

OP posts:

MainlyMaynie · 13/01/2012 20:32

Ah, I worry about getting little things wrong with my DS (6 months) all the time. The other day I convinced myself that having a waist band on trousers must make his stomach sore.

babaj, with a 21 week old, I'm quite surprised you don't have similar worries. I'd be a bit worried about that myself.

saladsandwich · 13/01/2012 20:39

OP you are doing great, i agree with worra you have no need to worry at all they are all tiny things imo.... i can sort of see where babaj is coming from although said abit to harshly maybe, not that its a competition but some people have alot more to worry about than clearing snot, car seat time limits and tights that maybe a teeny bit too small

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/01/2012 20:42

I think mums who worry they are shit are doing well, because the ones who truly should not be left in charge of any living creature don't give a shit either way. (related to a policeman, won't go into the stories I hear).

BeaOnSea · 13/01/2012 20:43

I love her so much and she is so gorgeous and beautiful and smiley I just want to get it right.

That ^^ sentence alone says you are fantastic mummy!

mathanxiety · 13/01/2012 20:45

Throw out the baby books and take the batteries out of the clocks. It's too easy to get hung up on every little detail of advice and end up beating yourself up unnecessarily.

Enjoy your lovely year off with your baby. The time will fly.

Maryz · 13/01/2012 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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