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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a shit Mummy.

79 replies

CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 19:02

I cannot remember how many weeks old she is (maybe about 15 but I would have to work it out).

She spent 2 hours in the car seat today stuck in traffic (and I read she is not supposed to spend more than 90 minutes).

Her tights have left a line on her little legs (so I guess they are too small).

I cannot seem to clear her snotty nose (even though we have every thing in the book for it, including a steamer).

I worry that I am not clever enough to teach her all the things she will ask me about.

I worry that I have taken the year off work and that I should go back sooner to show her about work ethics/being independent etc (I can't really explain this one properly).

A neighbour has just come and told me his cat is locked in our garage (since yesterday). I know that has nothing to do with my Mummy status but I felt bad for the poor cat.

Now I worry because she has seen me crying that she will pick up on it.

Please tell me this is normal Mummy behaviour. I love her so much and she is so gorgeous and beautiful and smiley I just want to get it right.

OP posts:
giyadas · 13/01/2012 20:53

Agree with throwing away the parenting books.
Honestly, you'll feel instantly better.

babybythesea · 13/01/2012 21:07

There's also a sentence re the books that came to me from a book I love. Book's about a mum trying to raise her family - very very funny.
And early on she says
'I don't question the methods [in the parenting books]. It's just I spent too much time reading the books and not enough time rocking the baby'. So put down your book and go and rock your baby (unless she's asleep,in which case put on a good movie and fall asleep in front of it!)

tralalala · 13/01/2012 21:20

I loved chucking away my baby books esp that fecking gina one that a ''got me

tralalala · 13/01/2012 21:20

did say friend!

otchayaniye · 13/01/2012 21:22

not a shit mummy, maybe just a bit crap

LivingDead · 13/01/2012 21:28

Erm YAB very very precious, none of those things are even slightly anything to worry about Hmm

You are a good Mother, most Mothers are, whether they obsess over tiny things or just get the hell on with it.

Really your baby is very very precious, more so to you, but meh, I have to say gain a sense of perspective.

Giyadas · 13/01/2012 21:29

Ah, aren't we all in our own way otcha?

justonemorejingle · 13/01/2012 21:35

After I dropped off my dc to school the other day I left with a tear in my eye as I realised I'd missed the deadline for ordering her milk for the term. Then I listed in my head all the other things I'd got wrong this week (stained school uniform - forgot to wash in time, and other little things like that).
She barely eats lunch and loves milk.

By the time I'd turned the corner I told myself to get a grip.

You won't be the best mum you are capable of being if you spend your time simpering about how not good enough you are.
Children get their strength from us.
(but we all have the occasional 'I'm a terrible mother' wobble)

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 13/01/2012 21:37

Babaj and otchayaniye - really helpful contributions this evening.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like a shit mummy when your bundle of joy is only 15 weeks - it is a notoriously difficult time, motherhood is only beginning to feel a little less thankless and you're starting to remember your name again. You'll be fine Cheshire

serin · 13/01/2012 21:43

The cat! Is it called Button? Smile

If it is and you live in the same village as me thren PM me and come round for a coffee Grin

I can tell you all the mistakes I made and mine survived.

PippiLongBottom · 13/01/2012 21:44

Have I wandered on to nethuns?

Fwiw, my dc3 was stuck in his carseat for 11 hours on the journey from hell and he hasn't evaporated or anything.

saltyair · 13/01/2012 21:49

Gosh this made me laugh (not the OP, some of the responses)...I may be wrong but I thought the OP's tongue was sort of in her cheek and that this was fairly lighthearted?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/01/2012 21:52

I not only threw away all my baby books but also my baby monitor (which I would listen to for the smallest little noise at ALL times), stopped reading all parenting magazines, stopped seeing a lot of new mum acquaintances who were doing "so much better than me"

Fucking liberating. Should have done it at 6 weeks and not 6 months, probably would have prevented my PND

OP I think you are so so normal for feeling this way and also a solid mum.

tryingtobecoolandtough · 13/01/2012 22:01

oh cheshire you sound like a very lovely mum, and your daughter is lucky to have you. In years time you will be so glad you took the year to get to know your baby in peace. And there is plenty of time to show her all the other stuff. I took 9 months and wish I took longer (my oldest DD is now 10)

Car seat and tights and the odd cry she wont remember. How much you care about her happiness will stay with her for her whole life.

You are doing wonderfully, take 10 deep breaths, put it down as a rotten day, and have a nice glass of wine Smile

Original poster
CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 22:06

A friend told me she lashed the Gina Ford book across the room and felt much better :)

This could be a whole other thread but what's Nethuns (and is it a bad thing?) You are the second person to mention it Pippi

Is that regular Button behaviour Serin?? TBH I think the chap called it something like Molly/Maggie.

OP posts:
GoingForGoalWeight · 13/01/2012 22:10

Hi ((CheshireDing))

Every word you've written screams out to me..

GOOD MUM GOOD MUM GOOD MUM

You can buy some new funky tights :)

PippiLongBottom · 13/01/2012 22:16

Nethuns is code for the fluffy place where the users are thick. It's official name is Netmums. Just be glad that you strayed across us first.

PippiLongBottom · 13/01/2012 22:17

Sorry for errant apostrophe. Am bladdered. Grin

GoingForGoalWeight · 13/01/2012 22:27

Just having a look at Netmums. Me finks ur rite

Original poster
CheshireDing · 13/01/2012 22:51

Ah okay Pippi, have just had a quick look. It's very colourful (it was a quick look).

I will stick with the fountain of knowledge that is mumsnet though Grin

OP posts:
PippiLongBottom · 13/01/2012 22:55

Cheshireding, you have had your baptism by fire and survived with flying colours. Welcome to Mumsnet.

blackoutthesun · 13/01/2012 22:58

op sounds like your doing fine Smile

come back when you've brushed dc's teeth with e45 cream or finding them eating a dead leaf Grin

for the snotty nose have you tried saline drops?

runningwilde · 13/01/2012 23:21

The work thing... Taking a year out to be with your baby is a wonderful thing, your thinking about teaching her about work stuff that you said is odd and doesn't mean a thing to her. Your baby will benefit enormously from you being there for her. Yes, two hours in the car is long so try to avoid this but of course you are NOT a bad mummy!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 13/01/2012 23:35

CheshireDing - I hope you are feeling much better now :) You are far from a bad mummy and there's nothing on that list that makes me Hmm at all - (though the snot talk makes me Envy

skybluepearl · 13/01/2012 23:43

non of those little things matter. just enjoy your little one and have fun with her.