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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you all how to get the message across to this woman that I don't want to talk to her.

99 replies

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 16:16

Every bloody morning and afternoon on the school run I get collared by a mum whose DD is friends with my DD. She doesn't want to have a conversation, instead she just talks talks talks without letting me get a word in edgeways, about all sorts of things, with her face right up close to mine. I hadn't seen her for a few days this week as my DD has been off school. But at pick up today she spotted me and came over to "talk". She asked how I was and I said not too good as we've had a death in the family, and she immediately ignored that and started talking about something to do with herself.

She kept going on and on and on, and I get a bit of a panicky, claustrophobic feeling when she does it, as like I said she puts her face close to mine and talks away. If I try to say anything it's as if i haven't spoken, she just carries on talking so I just look at her blankly now with no expression whilst she talks. After 5 minutes I said "Right, I've got to get going anyway", and started walking (I have to be blunt as she doesn't listen so I just have to walk off) and she started walking with me, talking and talking. I ended up just saying "Bye then" and walking quickly away in the end.

Now I know she lacks social skills, but she is seriously making me dread the school run each day. I have friends there to stand with and chat to but she finds me wherever I am and starts talking. A few people have made comments about her in the past and said they don't like her and that they find her difficult to get on with. I think she thinks as our DDs are friends then we are "friends" too.

What can I do to get the message across to her? I really don't think she will get the message easily as I am trying now but she doesn't get it. I feel that even if I said "Look, I really don't want to stand and talk to you" she still wouldn't get it, as she wouldn't even hear me say it over her talking!

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 13/01/2012 17:03

These types of thread make me very sad. As an autistic parent I was completely shunned and excluded by the other mothers at the school gate. People used to turn their backs on me too :(

Garliccheesechips · 13/01/2012 17:09

ehhh, Kladd- no one said the woman was autistic.

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:11

I don't think she is autistic

OP posts:
Gumby · 13/01/2012 17:12

Kladd - do you mean you have autism or your children?

LindyHemming · 13/01/2012 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyHarrietDeSpook · 13/01/2012 17:14

OP I was so sure you were one of the mums at my school...we have a lady like this...she is sweet but does exactly what you've described with the body language thing. Ours gets right in your face, you back up, she moves closer, back up, moves closer...on on occasion my head was literally in curtains!"!! I had to put my hands on her shoulder and gently physically move her back.

You literally have to say, can't stop now sorry! Big smile (if you must) and keep walking.

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:16

Yes I think I might start arriving a bit later, Euphemia. DD is still in the infant part so unfortunately they have to be met at the classroom door.

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 13/01/2012 17:20

Gumby I meant me, but my daughter does too.

Whether she is or isn't autistic is neither here nor there. Everyone wants to be included in the simple acts of life, like chatting at the school gate. Not everyone has the same social skills. Ostracising, mocking, turning your back on someone just because they don't have the skills others do is mean and intolerant.

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:26

Well for starters, *kladdkaka", I haven't done ANY of those things. And secondly, do I not have any rights too? Have I got to dread school runs and feel annoyed and down because someone keeps talking to me constantly? Is it not mean of her to just talk and talk and not listen to me? Or does it only work one way?

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 13/01/2012 17:27

It is NOT mean or intolerant, Kladdkaka - the OP is perfectly entitled to talk or not talk with whoever she wants, surely? Why are the playground woman's feelings more important than the OP's?

youarekidding · 13/01/2012 17:29

Set the alarm on your mobile to go off - answer and walk off talking to yourself the person on the other end. Grin

Kladdkaka · 13/01/2012 17:32

I mentioned those particular actions as they are what are being advised here. I didn't say you had done any of those, although to be fair you are looking for advise on how to ostracise her. You have the right to do just what you like in the same way that I have the right to think your course of action is mean and intolerant.

Kladdkaka · 13/01/2012 17:33

I'm sorry Abby, but from my perspective, it is mean and intolerant.

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:36

Erm, are you reading a different thread to this one Kladdkaka? Mean and intolerant? Because I don't want to be talked at by someone that has no interest in me at all? Seriously?

Oh well, I can live with that if that's what you want to think about me.

OP posts:
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:38

Also, what "course of action"? You make it sound like I'm plotting something dreadful rather than just wanting to avoid someone

OP posts:
everlong · 13/01/2012 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 13/01/2012 17:51

"choccywoccydoohdah Fri 13-Jan-12 16:23:52
No, no SN, Gumby. She's a teacher"

Shock
AbbyAbsinthe · 13/01/2012 17:51

You are, choccy. You are plotting to do away with her and all her witterings about herself Confused

I couldn't bear it, I don't know how you've put up with it for so long, tbh. I have no idea what to do about it though....

ScooterJuice · 13/01/2012 17:52

Kladdkaka you're being unreasonable. Wouldn't you have preferred it if someone had explained to you that your behaviour was inappropriate? Perhaps then you would've been able to moderate your approaches and wouldn't've had everyone turn their backs on you. I don't think anyone is obliged to spend time with someone they don't want to spend time with, whatever the circumstances. Especially if the other person is being unpleasant.

DaisySteiner · 13/01/2012 17:53

I feel quite sad reading this too Kladdkaka. Can understand the OP's frustration, but also imagine how sad the woman must be if everyone feels the same way Sad

thisisyesterday · 13/01/2012 17:55

why are you so sure she isn't deaf/hard of hearing or autistic OP?

thisisyesterday · 13/01/2012 17:57

there is a possibility that this woman isn't just rude and that she does have some kind of SN/social issues

in which case the kind thing to do would be to say things like "sorry, you're standing a bit too close to me" etc etc so that she can try and moderate her behaviour, rather than being blanked by yet another mum she thought/thinks likes her.

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:58

LOL Abby :)

OP posts:
ScooterJuice · 13/01/2012 17:59

Why shouldn't the other woman take some responsibilty for her own actions?

A good friend of mine has ASD. The first time we met, at a party, he said "I am autistic and sometimes say or do things which freak people out. Please tell me if I'm doing or saying anything inappropriate" A bit later on he asked a very personal question, which I responded to with "that's too personal". He apologised and on we went. We're great friends now.

And it could just be that the woman in the OP is a bore with bad social skills. No need to pathologise it. Perhaps the OP can inspire her to try to learn some social cues or how to show an interest in other people.

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/01/2012 17:59

thisisyesterday does deafness or being hard of hearing mean it's ok to go on and on then and not let anyone else get a word in edgeways? Even if someone is a bit deaf surely they are aware that at some point the other person will try to speak?

OP posts:
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