to ask you all how to get the message across to this woman that I don't want to talk to her.

[choccywoccydoohdah]

Every bloody morning and afternoon on the school run I get collared by a mum whose DD is friends with my DD. She doesn't want to have a conversation, instead she just talks talks talks without letting me get a word in edgeways, about all sorts of things, with her face right up close to mine. I hadn't seen her for a few days this week as my DD has been off school. But at pick up today she spotted me and came over to "talk". She asked how I was and I said not too good as we've had a death in the family, and she immediately ignored that and started talking about something to do with herself.

She kept going on and on and on, and I get a bit of a panicky, claustrophobic feeling when she does it, as like I said she puts her face close to mine and talks away. If I try to say anything it's as if i haven't spoken, she just carries on talking so I just look at her blankly now with no expression whilst she talks. After 5 minutes I said "Right, I've got to get going anyway", and started walking (I have to be blunt as she doesn't listen so I just have to walk off) and she started walking with me, talking and talking. I ended up just saying "Bye then" and walking quickly away in the end.

Now I know she lacks social skills, but she is seriously making me dread the school run each day. I have friends there to stand with and chat to but she finds me wherever I am and starts talking. A few people have made comments about her in the past and said they don't like her and that they find her difficult to get on with. I think she thinks as our DDs are friends then we are "friends" too.

What can I do to get the message across to her? I really don't think she will get the message easily as I am trying now but she doesn't get it. I feel that even if I said "Look, I really don't want to stand and talk to you" she still wouldn't get it, as she wouldn't even hear me say it over her talking!

The thing is, even if I said to her "Will you just fuck the fuck off I don't want to talk to you at all, ever" she probably would just keep talking. She doesn't seem capable of reading any verbal or non verbal cues at all. If I step back, she steps forward. I have started, like I said in my OP, just looking at her whilst she talks at me, and she just carries on. If someone was doing that to me I'd think "Ooops, perhaps she doesn't want to listen to this/talk to me". And then if I say "Right, ok, well I'd better get going home now" she just carries on.

That's true, IUse. She may be on the autistic spectrum.

Both my sons are autistic and I can say that you have to spell it out for them. You can't be subtle, you can't hope that they'll pick up on your body language. You have to tell them clearly. You're too close. You're not letting me speak.

It's the only way.

I didn't mean it to be insulting at all Iusetoomuchkitchenroll

Choccy - you may have to spell it out.

You are too close.
did you hear what I said?
please stop.
Did you hear what I just said?

etc etc

You use a nice tone of voice, but you have to be clear.

If she doesn't appear to be taking it in, you say did you hear what I just said?

I'm just drawing on my experience of how I have to talk to my children in order to get them to take in the fact that MY mouth is moving now!

Absolutely Hectate. The bonus is that people I know who are either definitely or probably on the spectrum don't tend to get offended when you say things clearly. They just accept it without getting too worried about it. That's one of the positives about aspergers in my mind.

Depends on whether you think you could get along with her if she didn't have those bad habits. If you can't stand her then don't feel you have to put up with it but if you wanted to give her a chance you could take her aside and tell her to slow down and let you speak. She might even appreciate being made aware of how she comes across.

Sounds like she doesn't get to talk about her world much and could do with a friend to sound off to. She's latched on to you because you are approachable but make sure you are both on an equal footing else this could become more stressful and/or cause a bit of an explosion when you've had enough.

Judge by her reaction when you bring up the subject whether it's worth allowing her to chunter on at you. It's not your job to make her feel better.

It is, IUse. ime, it is a relief to be told straight - nicely, but straight - because it is bloody baffling and stressful trying to work out the subtleties and whether you are doing things right or making a massive social fuckup.

I knew a mum like that at my son's school, lots of people ignored her and avoided her like the plague but I felt sorry for her. And I made a rod for my own back by being kind to her. I was so relieved when son started going to and from school alone (at the end of year 4). Phew, she was exhausting! But sad.

Please don't deliberately turn your back on her. Might she be a bit deaf?

No I don't think she's a bit deaf, stealth

Clarasage I bet it was a relief not to have to talk to her anymore!

I wonder if she's a MNer who comes on saying how all the other Mum's are cliquey and rude and she's only trying to be friendly.

Just a thought.

reelingintheyears I'm not cliquey and rude though; I've put up with this for nearly 3 years now, listening to her.

Chomp on a few cloves of garlic before she arrives and make sure when you talk to her, you get even closer and in her face... bet she will be the one running then.

P.S.: make sure you do not try this on a day when she has a cold

Plus, reelingintheyears I wouldn't say she's trying particularly hard to be friendly by talking about herself and not even acknowledging anything I say, not even saying "sorry for your loss" when I've said about a bereavement.

You might have to be very direct/blunt with her I'm afraid.

Perhaps the other Mum's are and she talks to at you because no one else will talk/involve her.

I used to have one of those. No SN, just thick as beef.

Maybe a Lady GaGa style wig would do the job?

I dunno,but i wouldn't be rude,especially if your DDs are friendly.

Thanks again everyone for the advice ( I LOVE the garlic idea!!).

I've decided I'm not prepared to waste anymore school runs being talked at by her, I really don't have the time or the inclination. If it makes me a bad person for not wanting anything to do with her then so be it. It gets me down each day and I don't want to feel like that when I'm going to pick up DD.

I haven't been rude reeling and don't intend to be :)

Explain the difference between monologue and dialogue very slowly and carefully - imagine Father Ted with Dougal and the 'far away cows'.

LOL - I know I shouldn't laugh but we all know someone like this!

When I was a student I used to work in a top end department store and we used to have a lot celebs come in and if they didn't want to be disturbed they'd pretend or actually be on the phone and it worked - people can take a hint.

Although there was this one time when one of the Nevill brothers was having lunch and this guy kept walking towards him and as soon as he hit the 5 metre mark he would pick up his phone - the guy must have tried to talk to him 4/5 times before he got the hint: I am eating my lunch LEAVE ME ALONE!

In all seriousness, how about, in the nicest possible way: I really appreciate how keen you are to talk to me but some days you are a little enthusiastic for me and I like my personal space, please could you move back?

If it doesn't work then use the fake call function on the phone :)