to be livid with DH?

[meravigliosa]

I left DD, 13 weeks, with DH to go to a training session for work this evening. I told him specifically that if he was feeding her there were two sterilised bottles in the fridge and he should fill one with carton formula. I also told him specifically that the bottles in the steriliser had not been sterilised, nanny had washed them but not run steriliser. I spelled this out because to avoid him using the unsterilised bottles.

I get home to find he had done opposite and tried to feed her from one of the unsterilised bottles. She didn't take the feed, but she did have the teat in her mouth.

I am worried sick that DD will have come to harm as a result of this. Sick also that he just doesn't listen to me at all, about anything, even when important information relevant to wellbeing of DD.

She is supposed to have 2nd round of immunisations tomorrow, but I am worried that her immune system may have been challenged enough for one week.

The thing is though-if sterilising the bottles is important to him-why didn´t he listen/check that he had it right?

Unless he knows that advice now is that it´s ok not to sterilise them?

This has made me nostalgic for the first MN thread I ever read.

IMHO and the opinion of microbiologists there is no need to sterilize

Christ that took ages to find, I was searching neonatal twins, molecular biologists and all sorts. Eventually found it via "paper towels" but might be useful OP.

OP - you are getting criticised quite a bit. But i do sympathise with you re: the listening. It is very frustrating to explain something to someone and have them not pay attention. Some people do not listen, which can be partially forgiven in adolescents but not in an adult.

Nesbo, you're right. I think it's because I spend most of my time thinking about women and motorbikes kittens and daisies. Everything else just goes whoosh! out of my head!

That was a pretty stupid comment about 'men are rubbish at remembering things' . Seriously?

I'm amazed by how some women here seem to talk to/about their husbands as though they're small children or junior employees. Getting them to repeat back what you've said? How would you feel if they were so patronising to you?

YABU in the sense that she'll have come to no harm in this instance but YANBU for the general lack of ability to take note of what you said. DP once fed DD a bottle when she was 10 weeks old. When I went into the kitchen I saw the normal milk out on the side and he said he couldn't remember if he'd given her formula or semi-skimmed. I went mental at him because he knows it has to be formula and he just wasn't careful enough and was cross with me for being cross with him!

It's not patronising EPHINY when he never remembers what we've discussed - DP is a poor listener. He's slowly getting better - it's a skill that can (and is) be improved upon. I'm not saying ALL MEN - just DP. And he does have an issue with listening/understanding others - it's got him into hot water at work too. So how is ensuring that he has understood me and develops an awareness of how to listen to others (thus improving his ability to do his job) patronising?

IMHO and the opinion of microbiologists there is no need to sterilize

I concur with that.
If the bottles have been cleaned and have been dry, they should pose no problem unless the milk is left warm for a long while before feeding.

Even sterilised bottles get "contaminated" as soon as they become in contact with air, hands, etc.
Plus, home sterilisation is nowhere near proper sterilisation.

Finally, I think the more instructions you give, the less likely he is to remember them. It's a male resistance gene. ;-) And it sounds as though you are micromanaging.

Oh gawd, chill out, he loves your baby as much as you do and made a mistake, cut him some slack!

PLENTY of things are going to happen to your baby - as soon as she can move and put things in her mouth whatever is on your carpet is a snack!!!

So clean but not sterilized bottle used with fresh (therefore sterile) carton formula.

Really not an issue. THe problem with bugs and formula milk is when they are left together and the bugs multiply. THe bottle was cleaner than the rattles she mouths daily.

OP I think YANBU in being pissed off with your DH. He didn't listen and it is important that he does.

But YABU on the worrying about your DDs health.

sleepymammary, no, of course he's not still in the dog house. I get (too) angry but sulking afterwards isn't one of my vices.

Ephiny I love you comment "Im amazed by how some women here seem to talk to/about their husbands as though they're small children or junior employees"

Must be the funniest thing I have read for a while.

OP, terribly frustrating when you tell them something but you know they are not really listening, and then they do the opposite - however I am just as guilty doing something he has ask me not to do as think I know best... and unfortunately for me I was not always right!

There are two elements to this.

1. YABU to worry about your DD. She will be absolutely fine, I'm sure.

1. YANBU to be upset with your DH. I'm pretty sure he would have heard and remembered your words with accuracy had it involved an instruction from his boss or a BJ. He is tuning you out, and that's a bigger issue.