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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

RE: giving lifts?

131 replies

Davyveel · 11/01/2012 17:55

One of the senior teachers when I was at school recently died - i went to a small girl bording school and was 'invited' along with all other previous head girls (who were head girls when she was teaching) to go.

I decide that I would drive - it is easier to get there by car, means I have more flexibility and means that after funeral I can go visit some family who live relatively close to old school.

One of the women i went to school with goes to the same gym and was also head girl (3 yrs above me)

About a day after funeral was announced (it is this Saturday). I was at Gym waiting for DH and she came out. We got talking and asked each other how and when we were getting there.

I am going up this friday about 10 and so can have a rest (I am pregnant 8 mnth pregnant) before going to the old girls and staff and boards thing on the friday late afternoon/night (the schools remembrance for this teacher).

She said she was going by train and then asked if it was possible to give her a lift.
I said that i wouldn't be driving back as going to see family but of course i could give her a lift up.

She said that was fine and would be great, i said i would pick her up at 10 on friday. She said great and we left it.

Yesterday i got a text asking that as something had come up on Friday would it be possible to pick her up at half 10 instead?
Half hour i am not that bothered about so I said no problem.

She texted me today saying that would I mind picking her up after lunch instead about 1 o'clock?

When I said I could give her a lift I did tell her that i was leaving that early so could rest before evening thing (which I know will go on for a while)

AIBU to say to her that I plan to leave in the morning and unfortunately I am unable to give her a lift at that time ? When it is this Friday?

OP posts:
freedom2011 · 11/01/2012 21:23

I agree with ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged about not saying sorry.

I find the phrase I hope you understand quite useful because if I have said to someone who is being demanding - I can not help [insert valid reason if so desired, including the acceptable, I don't want to/have no time] then added my magic I hope you understand I haven't said sorry for no reason.

It also takes a really obnoxious person to say - No I don't understand and continue demanding. And whilst I hope they understand, I really don't care too much if they don't.

kitbit · 11/01/2012 21:23

Have you texted her back yet OP?

catchafallingstar · 11/01/2012 21:25

text back- hsve fun on the train!
or do a link to appropriate train ticket website...

cheeky so and so!

Do not do it!
And dont be polite or say sorry....

CrotchFlakes · 11/01/2012 21:27

Any reply?

hippoCritt · 11/01/2012 21:29

"I need more than a few minutes!" she sounds awful, do you even want to share a car with her?

Sandalwood · 11/01/2012 21:30

"a few mins" the cheek!
She knows you've got family in the area?
I hope for you really, that she decides to get the train - it sounds like she's going to be hanging round with you til it starts.

peeriebear · 11/01/2012 21:34

Cheeky cheeky cheeky mare!
"I'm not leaving at 1, I'm leaving at ten. See you there"

Davyveel · 11/01/2012 21:36

one text ready to go - taken your advise and not said sorry (and I always say sorry - catholic church still follows me around apparently :P )

'I can't leave any later than half ten (name). Will see you at (nn for school) tomorrow. Hope you understand.'

OP posts:
Davyveel · 11/01/2012 21:39

Not really hippo can only really stand her in confindes of gym - starting to remeber why we didn't like her in school now

OP posts:
catchafallingstar · 11/01/2012 21:41

have you sent the text?

missingmumxox · 11/01/2012 21:42

Nooooooooo! she sees the chink! ....hope you understand, she won't! she will come back with a sob story, erase, erase! curt but polite without that bit.

Davyveel · 11/01/2012 21:47

Okay - pressing send (sans end bit missing)

'I can't leave any later than half ten (name). Will see you at (nn for school) tomorrow.'

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 11/01/2012 21:47

Agree these threads are great as a peep into the minds of utterly selfish people

I would have lied from the off if you arent keen on being in a confined space at 8 pg for 3 hours at best

I love being old and utterly unconcerned by guilt or feeling I should do something and her behaviour is vindicating my approach OP

Who tells a heavily pg woman they can manage on a few mins rest after she has doen the driving

MilesJuppisasexgod · 11/01/2012 21:47

I think the 'hope you understand' was another poster's suggestion and a pretty good one imho. It shows an empathetic attitude without actually apologising and the recipient would have to have a hide like a rhinoceros to say, actually no I don't understand why you won't bend over backwards to accomodate me when it's your car your time and your late pregnancy health.

MilesJuppisasexgod · 11/01/2012 21:50

Okay now that I see it in black and white I think the lack of 'understand' probably does have a certain extra je ne sais quoi.

Good on ya Davy and drive safely!

MummyAnnabella · 11/01/2012 21:55

Oh any reply yet?

freedom2011 · 11/01/2012 21:55

well done Davy for not letting yourself be pushed around. Have a safe journey.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/01/2012 21:56

Right then, now that's sorted, snacks and CDs ready for the journey? Nice frock packed? Have a great time Grin

Spuddybean · 11/01/2012 21:59

what if she txts back saying okay 10.30 then, and goes on about wanting to leave later for the whole drive :(

shouldabeenwashedinajug · 11/01/2012 22:02

Actually, while I am obviously intrigued as to what her response would be, I am also very curious as to how you ended up going to the same gym as someone you went to school with 3 hours away.

Did you just bump into her in the gym one day and recognise her from school? What was it like? Was it awkward, do you get really embarassed coming out of the shower if she's there and it's like, this girl from school you didn't like?

Cos I am so anti-social when it comes to the gym anyway that the whole scenario just makes me want to bite my knuckles thinking about it.

Or am I just being weird here?

HipHopOpotomus · 11/01/2012 22:07

Of course YANBU. Her plans have changed , yours haven't. It's her choice - to go with you at 10-10.30, or to catch the train later. Please stick to your plan. You'll appreciate the rest time you've scheduled

cookielove · 11/01/2012 22:11

Wow, that is so cheeky agree with all the others you should not be giving this lady a lift.

HipHopOpotomus · 11/01/2012 22:13

Doh didn't read whole thread. She taking the piss isn't she. The cheek of some people!!! Have a Great weekend!

missingmumxox · 11/01/2012 22:13

well done, make sure you have good rest and pamper yourself before hand.

TheSkiingGardener · 11/01/2012 22:15

Excellent replies. She is unbelievably arse-tastic.