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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask posters who are not in the UK

124 replies

Tee2072 · 10/01/2012 22:04

To say so in their OP?

At least 3 threads I've read today posters have been given excellent advice and then come back to say '"Oh I'm not in the UK. It's different here."

FFS.

OP posts:
SilentBoob · 11/01/2012 04:26

I try not to mention it because there aren't that many expats here and anyone back home reading me say "well here in XXXX" will think "hey! Didn't SilentBoob move there, I wonder if it's her ahh yes, same aged children, stupid dog, yoghurt knitter who can't spell... yep that's her, oooh and I see she's still suffering with her haemorrhoids... gosh, can her daughter STILL not read... oh her mum's upset her again..."

It's an anonymity thing, innit. I do often offer a vague "not in the UK" disclaimer, or reference roughly what part of the world I'm near. Don't spose I'm fooling anyone though.

LinzerTorte · 11/01/2012 05:51

I know what you mean. I was reading a thread yesterday where I thought oh, that would be fairly common over here but you don't often hear about it happening in the UK. And then it turned out the poster wasn't in the UK.

Having said that, I sometimes feel like I'm bringing up the fact that I'm not in the UK in every post and try not to start every single post with the words "Here in Austria, ...". Grin But like other posters have said, it's often relevant.

Curtainmyself · 11/01/2012 05:58

Noted (not in UK) (do I have to state the country as well?) (if so...Australia)

Thumbwitch · 11/01/2012 06:10

I do tend to say that I'm in Australia rather more often than I probably should but mostly because half my MN life I was in the UK, and some people recognise me from then and don't know that I've swapped hemispheres. But I rarely start a thread at all, let alone one where it matters, and I don't mention it if it is irrelevant because you do start to feel a bit of a nob about it!

TopazMortmain · 11/01/2012 06:11

YABU but maybe I should change my username...

JadeMortmain perhaps

Original poster
Tee2072 · 11/01/2012 06:16

Linzer I know which thread you are talking about and it's one of the ones that triggered this post.

And I didn't say the site was .co.uk or that it's not the World Wide Web, but feel free to be defensive. There are plenty of subjects where location is irrelevant. But, yes, anything to do with education, law, SS or 'where can I find' the OP should most certainly say where they are!

BTW, I'm an American expat in Belfast and really could not imagine posting on a US board without saying that, if it was relevant to my question.

OP posts:
SeoraeMaeul · 11/01/2012 06:20

ding dong....
I think its fine if relevant for example if I'm spouting on about education systems - but then that could be the country I live in or indeed the fact my two are in a non UK school system (and also not the system for the country I live in... is that complicated enough?!). And in fairness if I am ever brave enough to enter Style and Beauty I do call out if I'm using or needing a non UK or online supplier.
But really if its about relationships, families being arses or even just general moans on life - does it matter where I live?
And totally agree with Silent Bob - for a long time I was probably the only MN in one particular country. I'd have had to name change even more than I do already - and I already get confused Confused

Original poster
Tee2072 · 11/01/2012 06:46

That's pretty much what I just said, Seorae.

There certainly are times when it doesn't matter. But there are times where it seems to not matter...and then it does.

To break the 'thread about a thread stupid made up rule' the thread Linzer is talking about is where the OP was worried because a baby was being left alone at home during the school run. The thread went on with people saying 'tell the HV' 'call SS' and with the OP responding until the OP said 'Oh, I'm in France. It's actually common here.'

That bit of information would have been useful from the start, yes?

OP posts:
Flimflammery · 11/01/2012 06:57

[not in the UK, so desperate for some British banter and some connection with home. Sob]

what SilentBoob said. I live in a fairly small forrin country and I really don't want any other British mums here recognising me. But I do say it when it seems relevant. I did apologise when I posted a youtube link which turned out to not be available in the UK.

SeoraeMaeul · 11/01/2012 07:11

Feel like I just had my wrist slapped Tee2072 - your post hadn't appeared when I started mine. Being easily distracted while typing is my only excuse!

But on the other point - and not to continue a thread about a thread or I'll get my wrist slapped again - I find that a bit Hmm. I know France pretty well and many french families and I've never heard of anything like that. So in that case then yes I guess being in France is relevant ie different govt bodies involved but I would expect the reaction to be pretty universal?

Original poster
Tee2072 · 11/01/2012 07:14

Sorry Seorae. I have had a very bad night with a very small boy and should have noted the time stamp.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 11/01/2012 07:15

In Romania.

Hah! No, I'm not.

See, we could lie.

I always feel a complete arse for saying "in Italy" all the time.

So until I'm told to by HQ, I shan't. On purpose now.

SeoraeMaeul · 11/01/2012 07:17

Thats Ok Tee2072 - I'm probably being over sensitive! And Brew to get you through the rest of the day!

Greythorne · 11/01/2012 07:20

Oooooh, I have never had a thread about one of my threads before!
Ok, I am in France and I did start a thread about leaving a baby alone.....but two things:

-- I was not the one to say, actually it is common here in France (others did, and said it was common on Germany, Holland etc)

-- I did in fact want to get a UK perspective

Also, I think I was grateful for the commonsense advice I received.

Greythorne · 11/01/2012 07:24

I was amazed by the mum who was leaving her baby and wanted to test the waters. Am I being precious? Is this a UK specific concern (like the social disapproval of drink driving which is really strong in the UK and yet rather non existent in France).

Point is, I was not asking for concrete steps to take (call Sa, speak to school, phone HV) which would indeed have been irrelevant but more questioning the idea.

Original poster
Tee2072 · 11/01/2012 07:30

That makes sense greythorne. And as I said, yours was just one like that. There have been several lately where, as I said, the OP has received what sounds like excellent advice only to have them come back to say 'Ya. That won't work. I'm not in the UK.'

Which, BTW, for those of you who don't want to post their location, is what you could say. Not 'I'm in Lenningrad' but just 'I'm not in the UK.'

Thanks Seorae. Smile

OP posts:
OhFraktiousTree · 11/01/2012 07:32

I really wouldn't say it was that common (am in France) but the perspective of 'that's not a good plan' is surely fairly universal? If lots of people think its not a good idea it's fairly easy for an OP to find their own relevant social services.

I've posted about pregnancy/birth/childhood illnesses without realising how different the medical systems are but often wanting advice on how to deal with the human being that is my HCP rather than battle the system. Or I want to know how something would be handled in the UK so I can see whether they're being reasonable or actong like medical school somehow gave them godlike status. If you start putting FOREIGN all over the place people don't respond.

lborolass · 11/01/2012 09:49

NU at all, it makes sense to include relevant info when asking for opinions or advice.

Not sure why some people are taking this negatively, its the same as male posters mentioning that they are male when its relevant. This is totally not the same as saying they aren't welcome to post, they are second class posters or they need to mention it everything.

SaraBellumHertz · 11/01/2012 09:57

Not in UK

As with others I get tired of banging on about it.

Additionally often posters are asking what do you think not what would you do.

It is hardly the OP's fault if posters decide to answer the latter rather than the former.

Curtainmyself · 11/01/2012 11:04

Outer Mongolia. Can I join in?

Original poster
Tee2072 · 11/01/2012 11:16

I would agree Sara that there is also a lot of non-reading of OPs. Or at least not reading close enough.

But I am not really sure how leaving out your location, when relevant, and then mentioning it 100 posts later is any different from any other drip feeding, which will get you a resound talking too around here.

OP posts:
Gonzo33 · 11/01/2012 11:22

I'm not in the UK but live on sovereign soil. Does that mean I have to declare it too?

QuintessentiallyShallow · 11/01/2012 11:26

So, I am currently in the uk.

What do I do if the problem I have is not located in the uk?

I mostly make references to the location in my posts, but a lot of posters will often manage to read the op, and give excellent advice, yet not see that it all relates to Norway, or Spain.

AlpinePony · 11/01/2012 11:38

Just going to put it out there - perhaps posters are looking for "common sense advice" rather than pass-the-buck phone NHS direct/argos complaints/police/ss/ambulance/blah blah. You know, from a time where people thought about things.

momnipotent · 11/01/2012 11:53

(Not in UK)

I seem to mention it in every OP. Feels like I can't shut up about it!

I joined MN because I miss the UK and the British way of 'being' and I just want to feel like myself. Then when I have to admit to not being in the UK I feel like a bit of a fraud.