to be completely overwhelmed?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

I was rushed into hospital with pre eclampsia on the 30th of December, on the 3rd of December the decision was taken to induce my labour. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong and rather than the natural water birth I wanted I was as good as strapped to the bed with monitors etc.

Labour didn't progress properly and my DSs heart rate plummetted so I was rushed to theatre for an emergency section. Exhausted, I was dumped on the ward and left, unable to get out of bed to tend to my son and too tired to really do so for the night.

Things seem to have got progressively worse since. He refuses to sleep in his moses basket at night, I hate breastfeeding so much and I feel like a complete failure. All I want to do is cry all of the time as I don't feel like I'm coping at all. I mentioned switching to formula feeding to the midwife so that DP can help me out but you'd have thought from her reaction I was suggesting feeding him battery acid.

I feel like just packing a bag and leaving and letting DP and DS find someone worthy. Is it normal to feel like this? Should I go with my instincts and switch to formula feeding? Should I give expressing a go? When does it get easier? I just feel completely desperate and isolated and could throw myself off the roof at the very thought of DP going back to work in a fortnight.

I'm useless at compassionate posts but didn't want to read and run. You sound just like me after having my daughter and it turned our I was suffering from PND but was to embarrassed to talk to a HV about it. Why not print out your post and show it to them? I actually did just that and it was only then I received the support I needed.

You're not alone though and it does pass.

if you want to switch over, switch over....but there is no proof that formula fed babies sleep better.

it is normal for what you are feeling, you are tired, emotinal and not thinking straight......but if you feel like you are getting worse go to the doctors to do a PND questinaiire done

Tell the MW to go do one and swivel - you do whats best for your peace of mind and sanity. Instincts are always right.

Crying is normal - its the hormonal adjustment.

Yes, it is totally normal to feel overwhelmed, particularly when you've had such a hard start to things. You are still in the very early stages and you're finding your feet. Almost everyone finds breastfeeding very hard at the start so if you continue I'm sure you'll find it does get easier pretty soon BUT if you think it will make things easier for you then I think switching to formula would be a good idea. OR you could do what DH and I did - you head off to bed at about 8 for a few hours, while your DP looks after DS and gives him a bottle of formula (or expressed milk, although expressing is just as time consuming as feeding directly so it might not actually help to ease the pressure) so you can get a solid 3-4 hours sleep before facing the awful night shift. If you try that for a week or so and you're still not feeling better about things then might be time to pack the bfing in. Yes bfing is better than formula but formula isn't poison and there's no point in you forcing yourself to do it at the cost of your mental health.

Also if you still feel like this in a couple of weeks, please go to your GP as you may be suffering from PND. Is your DP supportive? Do you have much family help near you?

You poor thing. It is a massive ordeal to go through, and it never occurred to me that there would be any work at the other end, I was so focused on the labour!! My labour wasn't anywhere near as bad as your experience sounds, but I remember feeling dreadful after, and I really struggled with breastfeeding, although I got the hang of it eventually.

It does get easier, but it may be worth seeing your GP in case you have PND. But I'm sure you've thought of all that, and you want advice here and now. My thoughts are this:

• Others on here may flame me, but if you are really really hating breastfeeding, I would move to bottles. Just be aware that it is still a faff, with all the sterilising and making them up, but it may take some of the physical demand off you. Or you could try mix feeding.
• Totally normal that he doesn't like his basket, my DD was like this for the early weeks. We used a combination if white noise (radio tuned into static, turned up quite loud) and a miracle blanket for swaddling - google on amazon. Also infacol, as she was windy
• Try and get out in the fresh air at least once a day (although don't beat yourself up if you don't make it!!)

PM me if you ever want a chat. Best of luck

You need to talk to your MW - am I right in thinking your baby is just a few days old? Your milk possibly won't have come in, or might be at the moment. Either way you need help with breastfeeding (I assume there is something wrong?) and no, it's not normal to feel like this all the time nd feel like packing your bag and leaving over it.
Congratulations on your baby - life will get better but at the moment you sound understandably shocked and traumatised.

Cailin DP is wonderful and willing to support any decision I make. I have plenty of family support but still feel completely isolated. It doesn't make sense and it's completely irrational.

I hope it helps to know I could have written your post at one point (with different birth story).

Your not a failure, you're very normal and it does somehow get better. Talk it out and don't bottle your feelings. I felt like hanging myself in the forest in the first few weeks. If it's more than just a few days of baby blues and the feelings persist do seek help.

I promise though, you're not the worst mother, pretty much everyone feels like this.

just noticed it's your MN who gave you the "battery acid" face :o While I think 3 days in you should be being supported and helped to breastfeed if that's what you want, her reaction sounds useless. Is there anyone else? Another MW or your GP? Do you have any help from family?

x post
Are you feeling up to getting out and about? Either to a mother and baby group or to a specialist bf support group? Your MW should know the details?

Stealth the midwife is, for want of a better phrase, fucking useless. My milk came in yesterday and this morning I could not get DS to latch on no matter what I tried. She made some vague comment about 'you should hand express to relieve some of the pressure'. I told her I didn't know how to hand express. She replied 'oh well' and continued filling in her notes.

I'm not surprised you feel totally pole-axed after such a radical change of plan and pretty much the opposite to your planned labour.

My ddil had a very similar experience last year - beginnings of pre-eclampsia, induction, emergency c-section. She also found bf well nigh impossible and after some soul searching, switched to formula. It was the best decision for her and it might well be for you, too. I know that breast is best but if you cannot breastfeed or it simply isn't right for you, you are not failing your baby by switching to formula. Being treated harshly by a midwife will do nothing for your self-esteem right now, let alone help you get to grips with breastfeeding.

Do you have a sympathetic health visitor who would provide you with the support you need right now?

As for the Moses basket, many babies dislike them. They are often the single least useful item of baby equipment!

I know the way you feel seems irrational, but it is totally normal, believe me. You've had a huge life changing physically exhausting experience and now you're in charge of this tiny little life. It involves a huge huge adjustment and it's very common to feel just awful, the way you do, no matter how much help and support you have. It does make sense, totally.

Is your MW still visiting? Please tell her how you feel.

Has your MW shown you how to feed your baby lying down? It may be more comfortable if you have had a CS.

Please tell people how you are feeling. its perfectly ok to say you are overwhelmed with it all. Bloody hell I felt the same as you and I worked as a maternity nurse so thought I knew it all. What a shock!

Have one of these x

I've just seen that your MW is a useless idiot. Perhaps go to your GP?

I agree with CailinDana, completely, and I empathise because I felt the same, in very similar circumstances.

I gave up bf, but wasted a lot of time feeling guilty about it, even though the ff helped a lot. So if you do it, do not feel guilty, if that's what you decide. I chose to ff my second child too.

That said, I hope some lovely supportive knowledgeable breast feeders come on and give you some advice to try. I wish I had had that.

I had a similar experience to you with my ds, pre eclampsia end emergency cs etc and felt exactly like you do for some weeks after, in fact when I look at the photos of me holding him in the weeks after his birth I have a face like a slapped arse. I remember feeling like I wanted the world to stop just so I could get off.
All I can say to you is that it does get easier and it does pass.
if you want to use formula use it, I did. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Be kind to yourself, everything will soon fall into place I promise.

Sorry, have just re-read my post above and it seems like it's giving mixed messages. What I meant to say is that if bf is difficult (mine was) then some advice might help.

But I completely agree that emotional support is what you need right now, so ring your GP if your MW is not helping.

Desperately this website is really good for breastfeeding advice kellymom.com/

It is all overwhelming and i remember the first couple of weeks breastfeeding being so hard because you are recovering from the birth and adjusting to the tiredness.

I think we feel so isolated because you feel as if this is your job but it takes time to learn.

It sounds like you have a supportive partner which is half the battle. You need to rest, keep hydrated and eat well. The thing to know is that it does get easier. Saying that there are no medals for breastfeeding so do what you think is best for you and your new family.

My DD is now 7, I gave up breastfeeding after one day of her being born. In 2004 there was absolutely no pressure from any midwives to breastfeed, it sounds like times have really changed. Please do not feel guilty if you want to bottlefeed. I also found swaddling my DD really helped her sleep-as her arms were flailing around when she was born. Best wishes.

Hi op :)

I went thru exactly same as you bar per emclampsia 6 weeks ago. I felt like shite around day 3. It does wear off. Bf can take longer to establish after cs, I mix feed as its never fully took off for me and generally bf lying down as I found it easier after my cs. If you want to express there's a bloody nhs leaflet I've been given a million times that your mw should have given you. Should be online. It's a change for life one about bfing. Alternatively tesco sell pumps so you could send someone out at 8am tomorrow to get you one.

My son kept waking himself up in his Moses basket as he kept banging the sides with his hands, he's in his cot now which is better & is currently on my arm, hence crap typing!

It's hard, I know. Is your partner on leave? You need to share the load so you can sleep. We did I did bf then he did top up formula & getting to sleep. You need more rest than they do as you've just had an op and a baby!

I had a similar experience with DD1 who was born by c-section at 33 weeks following pre-eclampsia, similar attitude from MW too until I stood up to her and told her my baby=my decision. DD1 was tube fed for a couple of weeks as she was in soecial care ward then my DD1 couldn't latch on properly so I expressed (hospital had pumps we could loan) and cup fed her for a few days, which meant she got my milk but none of the stress of the latching on drama, as she got bigger and stronger we switched back to BF and had no issues.

DD" was born by c-section at trem, agian thanks to pre-eclampsia. Milk didn'k kick in straight away and again I cup fed expresses milk, then switched to BF, DD2 was a big baby and I was unwell, persevered for 3 weeks then switched to formula.

Both DD's are healthy and happy and couldn't care less how they were fed.

Be kind to yourself,things don't always go to plan, important thing is you are both her, your baby needs to be fed, how you choose to do that is entirely up to you.

Your post could have been written by me 2.5 years ago after I had DD. I too had EMCS due to DD's heart rate dropping, could not get out of bed to get her at hospital and midwives too busy to help. Got home, would she sleep in her cot nooo. Getting on and off bed agony, couldn't walk around too much to settle her and was so tired I was hallucinating at points. Day 5 hormonal wreck, in tears, milk came in.

It gets better really it does. I managed to breastfeed to 23 months and DD is now a thriving 2.5 year old.

Things that helped me:

DH got up to get DD in night and brought her to me.

I wore a t-shirt all day and put over cot mattress under DD, the smell of me helped her sleep better.

Milk came in so she got more and fed less frequently.

Slept in the day whenever she did and sometimes DH took her out for short walks in the sling to settle her.

I ate more often but in smaller amounts to keep my blood sugars up.

Rugby ball hold on side she didn't feed as well on.

Call the National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 100 0212, they have local volunteers who are mums that you can speak to for advice on latch etc.. and are open till 9.30pm.

If your let-down is quite forceful then DS may pull off at first as pressure of milk into his mouth quite strong. You could try hand-expressing a small amount to relieve the pressure then try latching him on, video .

This device also apparently good for helping babies sleep in moses basket, am even tempted to buy one myself for when DD2 arrives.

Lastly do not feel like a failure if breastfeeding becomes too difficult for you to maintain, your baby needs a happy, healthy mum more than breastmilk to thrive.

Oh love, I had a very similar experience and I was exactly where you were on day 5. It does take longer to establish BF after a CS, and it is tough and you're exhausted.

If you really, really want to keep trying to BF then it will get easier. There's a BF forum on here as well where you will get more specific advice.

You can try mix feeding, ie DH gives the baby a couple of the evening bottles giving you the chance to get some solid sleep in.

Or you can switch to FF, it is still a faff no doubt about it, but no-one will judge you for it at all.

If your MW is rubbish, is there another one at your GP practice? Or there are groups that help support BF - NCT and la Leche (I think? - the BF boards will know)

Hugs hugs hugs and I absolutely promise you this is the worst time, honest it is. It does get better.