to be completely overwhelmed?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

I was rushed into hospital with pre eclampsia on the 30th of December, on the 3rd of December the decision was taken to induce my labour. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong and rather than the natural water birth I wanted I was as good as strapped to the bed with monitors etc.

Labour didn't progress properly and my DSs heart rate plummetted so I was rushed to theatre for an emergency section. Exhausted, I was dumped on the ward and left, unable to get out of bed to tend to my son and too tired to really do so for the night.

Things seem to have got progressively worse since. He refuses to sleep in his moses basket at night, I hate breastfeeding so much and I feel like a complete failure. All I want to do is cry all of the time as I don't feel like I'm coping at all. I mentioned switching to formula feeding to the midwife so that DP can help me out but you'd have thought from her reaction I was suggesting feeding him battery acid.

I feel like just packing a bag and leaving and letting DP and DS find someone worthy. Is it normal to feel like this? Should I go with my instincts and switch to formula feeding? Should I give expressing a go? When does it get easier? I just feel completely desperate and isolated and could throw myself off the roof at the very thought of DP going back to work in a fortnight.

Oh and swaddling helped too

Switching to formula may not be the magical 'answer' you are looking for. Bf takes time and perseverance to get there but when you do it can be a joy and the benefits for both of you are immense. Get rest and sleep where you can - what you are going through is very normal. Talk to your gp
About pnd and don't make hasty decisions you might regret. I know I very much in the minority here but I would say stick with the breaftfeeding for the benefits it gives you both.

What you are feeling is totally normal after what you have gone through. I was exactly the same - escape plan and all. If I could go back in time and offer myself advice it would be:

a) Get some sleep. Make DH put baby in pram and go out for 1 hour min. Baby can cry - it won't die. Ignore mess and get some shut eye.

b) If funds allow - get on phone to nanny agency and get a night nanny in for a few nights.

c) Be kind to yourself - less than 1% of women have a crash c-section. You need time to heal mentally - don't beat yourself up because of it.

d) ring NCT helpline now for breast feeding help. Also check out the baby formula sites for their breast feeding info - I found it very helpful and clear.

e) remember that breastfeeding is 50/50 - the baby can be rubbish at it too and need practice.

f) double check baby can lift his arms up towards his head equally. If not - get yourself to GP immediately. In the rush to get him out my baby's collarbone was broken. I have no prib with this (he was close to death) but it meant he was a very clingy baby and cried and refused to feed from one boob because of the pressure it put on his neck. It's v unlikely but do check.

g) Take photos of u and the baby. I know you feel awful - I know you are doubting yourself as a mum but take a record. I have one photo because I couldn't bear it - I know how I felt when it was taken (shit) but 2 years down the line I see what my son and everyone else saw (mum). Trust me on this.

I hope some of that helps. It's tough right now - horrible - but it won't last forever.

I havent read all the posts but I wanted to tell you that my first was born by emergency CS. No one bothered to help me with breast feeding and since I was still comatose when the first feed took place, by my DH, first DC was bottle fed, and also the second.

They were, and still are, beautiful, healthy and intelligent and are now adults.

They have no health problems. So my advice is do what feels best for 'you'.....

I really dont get all this pressure for breast feeding!

Ask for a different midwife.
That one is a waste of space.

Also, post on the B/f boards for advice and support.

And if you switch, don't beat yourself up.

Hi

Hugs from me too - I was also where you were when DS1 was born (he's now 8 years old), and I remember feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, knackered and completely useless. I just felt, who could I have gone through such a difficult, exhausting labour, and then be expected to care for a newborn, and feed him every bloody hour...

I did switch to formula at 10 days, because I simply needed sleep, and he was so so hungry. I felt terrible, and refused to open a card or present for three days, as I felt that I had failed him.

In the long term, it was the right thing to do, though. It was still hard going, as he was very colicky, but I did get some sanity back. With DS2, I was much more on top of it, and did exclusively breast feed.

You useless midwife will sign you over to a health visitor in a few days - in the meantime, you must do what is right for you. My HV was understanding. She told me a few years later that they were really worried I was going to have PND, but it was just exhaustion, and a certain amount of post traumatic stress after the labour.

If you do choose to continue breastfeeding, make the most of your OH being at home, and have a few days just in your PJ's, in bed, cat napping when you can. I PROMISE it does get easier - the first few days are hard, by two weeks, you'll be feeling a bit better, and by three months you won't recognise yourself.

Take care.

I felt exactly like this due to pre eclampsia, failed induction and cs. Not what I thought it'd be like and felt a complete failure. I pressed on with bf through sheer bloody mindedness but was in tears with the pain most feeds and crying in between at the thought of it! B/f took about 5 weeks to get sorted. I'm glad I stuck it out but you are not a failure if you switch to formula.

Feeling that I could cope/enjoying motherhood/not as sleep deprived took about 6 months. Looking back I think I had PND and wish I had asked for help but I was worried what GP/HV would say if I REALLY told them what I was thinking.

Then all of a sudden I began to feel like me again. And promptly got pregnant again so things really do get better :) please talk to someone

Congratulations on the birth of your DS! Yanbu to feel overwhelmed! You don't say if this is your first baby, but if so then you have just gone through the most overwhelming experience of your life. Minus the c-section I had a similar experience with my DS1 - the perfect natural labour I wanted turned into drugs, drips and monitors. And I struggled with breastfeeding, was given no support by midwives and was practically told to bottlefeed. Have to say I ignored all advice and bf my baby although it never went as successfully as with his siblings. He resused his lses basket and we co-slept for much of the first year. personally I think you should persevere with the bf, as it may well improve. Express if you can as then your partner can help out. Definitly get as much rest as you can between feeds. Do you have anyone else who can help you a bit when your partner goes back to work? However how you feed your baby is YOUR choice and if formula or mixed feeding works better for you then that is your decision and no one else should judge you for it. However you may feel right now your baby needs you and you are doing an amazing job with him.
Finally remember that these tough new born days do not last for ever. In just a few weeks your baby will be smiling at you. And YOU will get the best smiles for some time! And suddenly everything you've been through will be worth while. By this time next year he will be crawling/toddling around causing a different kind of trouble and a whole new level of fun! Good luck and try to enjoy your baby as much as you can!

Thank you so much for all of your kind replies. Have just called the midwife led unit at the local hospital who are now arranging for a breast feeding counsellor to come and give me some practical help in the morning. I may persevere for a few weeks and see how DS and I get on, if I feel as hopeless then as I do now then I shall be brave and make the switch regardless of what anyone thinks.

PicaK. I like what you say about the photos. Despite what I was feeling inside, the pictures I have of me with my babies show nothing but love, and good care being given.

OP, one day, the feeling of being overwhelmed will subside that is what you will feel.

X-post. Good for you.

Take care x

Brilliant! Keep persevering. Is bf the main problem? Plenty of people are popping up telling you not to feel guilty if you switch. While I agree you shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest it is very early days and if you want to bf, your problems should be solvable. Nothing sounds out of the ordinary for the first few days bf.

Glad to hear you have reached out and are getting some support for tomorrow. Make sure that you talk to DH and get his help too.

Just remember, bf takes time for both baby and mum. Like anything, it is a learning process. It really is worth getting through the first couple of months with bf as the benefits are so immense.

Hiya OP, just wanted to add my support and to echo what everyone else on this thread has said. It does take time to establish bf and even though I have bf both of my other children, this time around I still had problems getting my baby to latch properly, especially when my milk came in. It takes time for the baby to learn how to latch on too, and some babies are better at it than others at first. If you want to carry on bf just persevere and you will get there eventually, but equally if you want to formula feed then do. The main thing is that you and your baby are happy and healthy. Best of luck to you x

If BF-ing is making you miserable, stop. I know that view might not be popular, but you haven't just had a 'one night in hospital, but of a graze, ouch' birth experience. You have had an emergency section.

You need rest. You need time and space to to heal and recuperate, both physically and emotionally. ,You should rightly be lounging on the sofa in your PJs being waited on right now, and if you are terrified about yoru DH going back to work TELL HIM. Talk it through. Arrange for some help - relatives, friends in shifts, a nanny, a cleaner, mothers help - whatever you need to get you through.

By all means see the BF counsellor and see if you can improve things. But if you can't, PLEASE do not make yourself ill over this.

You are getting and will continue to get masses of good, practical advice on here, which I doubt I could add usefully to, so I just wanted to say - shit, poor you, no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. Of course you are more than worthy, but I remember exactly how you feel. Everything so alien and new, especially after the traumatic birth you had. Be as kind to yourself as possible. I hope the breastfeeding works out if you want it to; with some decent support there's a very good chance of that.

YADNBU. You have had a really hard time of it. Ignore the bloody MW, if you want to swap to FF then do it. get as much rest as possible while DH is off. I felt like this after DD1 and it does get better, promise. You need to take care of yourself and get as much help as possible.

have you thought about co-sleeping, lying down to feed, much easier than getting up.x

Poor you.

Remember you've been through major, unexpected surgery. Anything other than a cs and you'd still be in hospital / on bedrest ! Being considered an invalid. Instead you have this tiny person relying on you 24 hrs a day. Its scary and overwhelming and terrifying but it'll gradually, gradually change to being amazing and unbelievable and fun too.

I breastfed my eldest but not my youngest. Its really tough going and tougher ime/o if you've had a hard birth and also it depends a lot on the baby.

Have you checked he doesn't have a tongue tie? Dd had one and it made latching on painful and near impossible. However, switching to formula is NOT the work of the devil.

Take care of yourself. It gets easier.

Some great advice and support here for you. The only thing I would add in addition to the BF issue is to keep an eye on your mental health over the coming weeks. If your 'blue' feelings don't subside then meander on down to the GP and have a chat..

In our area the Health visitors offer a talking therapy and the community midwives do this thing where they talk through the birth with you according to the notes etc. More common in difficult birthing situations I believe like your own to help gain more understanding and acceptance.

I really hope things turn around for you very soon because there is nothing worse than feelings of tiredness, despair and failure. Be kind to yourself - your body and mind have just had a huge shock.

I was where you are now when I had my son. It WILL be ok and you WILL be a good mother. Please be kind to yourself. My son is now 5 and life is good, yours will be too.

I don't really know what to post, but with my first I had pre-eclampsia and an emergency c-section so I can empathise. You are not a failure. I hated breastfeeding too, if it's not something you were set on doing and want to switch to formula then do it. other than that take each day at a time, get as much rest as possible to recover.

You have a lovely new baby, congratulations and I hope the next few days start getting a little easier for you x

Congratulations, and you are a million miles from BU. Anyone as sleep deprived as you must be would be struggling; chuck in all the other crap that has happened as well and there's no wonder you're feeling so bad.

You're not a failure for taking whatever steps you need to get yourself and your baby through this as easily as you can. If that includes using formula, then fine.

FWIW when I was at my wits' end with DS - he was about 3 weeks old, fussy feeder, mastitis, wouldn't go in moses basket, didn't sleep AT ALL - two things saved me. One was my mum buying me a big tin of formula - no pressure, just, "Here's some just in case." As it was, I never even opened it, but just knowing it was there if I needed it made me feel so much better. Personally I'm glad I carried on because by two months he had really got the hang of BF and it was so much easier than FF, which I had done with my DD. But that's just me, and I know plenty of other people who had a different experience.

The other thing which helped was simply taking to my bed, with the baby. For 3 whole days. Fed him lying down, took time to cuddle him, get myself rested and feeling human again. And I fell completely in love with him. You do need a willing slave for this to provide endless cups of tea and chocolate but it made such a difference.

It does get better and it will get better. Your little boy is lucky to have such a lovely mum. (and I'm going to sneak a quick hug in here when no-one is looking ((hug))).

op well done for phoning the hospital, and you will get there.

Really glad you're getting help in the morning OP, I hope it goes some way to relieving the pressure on you.

The first few weeks are a terrible slog for everyone. It's a big shock having to suddenly look after a baby and after even the most straightforward birth you feel like you've been run over by a truck. Go easy on yourself as much as possible, sleep when you can, eat plenty of chocolate and accept all the help that's offered. You will get through this.