To feel a little put out grandparents came empty handed to Baptism?

[nappiesgone]

Very small affair, grandparents, nieces, aunts, uncles and godparents. No celebration, just a tiny service. It was done for the religious significance rather than an excuse to hold a party. Yet I feel my parents/ siblings were a little miserable to bring nothing to save for my son to remember the day as a keepsake. Especially considering it was a small affair not expecting presents as such, thinking more a pretty card with a thoughtful message to show my son when he's older. I hoped to put a few cards in a shoebox to pull out for his first communion.

Godparents bought pretty things to put aside, a silver cross and a keepsake box which was lovely of them.

Before it's asked, we're a well off family, not rich but nowhere near worrying about the price of cards level. No big fall outs, live fairly local.

I would be a bit surprised too. Everyone brought little keepsakes for DD when she was baptised and I have never been to a christening / baptism without taking a little present - even when I am not related or a godparent.

YABU, especially as you claim you had it done for religious reasons and not for the party/presents/cards.

But flisspaps, one of the moments I've always loved in first communion classes I've led is when we get out baptism candles/ cards etc and reflect on what it means and how they were welcomed into the church family. I feel sad he won't look back on a few notes from family.

Surprised but not put out, especially if you say its the religious aspect that you went for it.

Flissflaps - just because there's a reason besides "gimme some fucking shiny things, you gullible bastards" doesn't mean that the guests weren't out of order by turning up empty-handed. You throw a birthday party to celebrate someones life, but presents and keepsakes are a happy extra.

I'd be very hurt and a little left out.

Perhaps they didn't know that was the etiquette

yes. feeling put out that no gift, however small is offered is the complete antithesis of a religious/spiritual occasion.

Sorry OP, you do sound 'grabby'. "Empty handed"? Is that really significant to you rather than the fact that grandparents came at all? I think you've lost sight of what's important. Did you take photos? Those are keepsakes too - and more of a keepsake than a card.

did they put a donation in the box that comes around.

Perhaps if it was a small celebration with no celebration afterwards they didn't realise gifts were the order of the day.

Perhaps they thought it was just church attendance that was expected of them.

It doesn't seem to be a deliberate snub if you get along and there's no other politics going on.

Vivi, we're all Roman Catholics, pretty standard baptism norms really.

I think it was a snub, I had no party therefore they withheld presents. I'm only guessing, but only logic I can think of. They seemed put out there was no party/ event. I guess maybe they think that's fair, and others may view it that way. I knew as a result there would be no presents, but even a letter to share a few thoughts on the date.

It does sound strange to attend any ceremony without a little something,not even a card ,but theres nowt so queer as folk.

What about you buying a card and asking them to sign it? That would help toward the memories aspect and ensure the grandparents were included when the christening things are looked at.Might also give them a nudge in the direction of what is expected next time....

mc happy pants, no donation. We put the cost of the party that would have been in the donation box ourselves so church wasn't used.

People can't read your mind. If it was a "no presents expected" thing, then they were probably confused. If you want handwritten keepsakes, you sometimes have to say "no presents, but a handwritten keepsake would be nice".

YABU. You state you had the baptism because of the religious significance.

Did you tell them beforehand that they were only required for the service and that you wouldn't be offering them any refreshments afterwards? Maybe they just thought that their presence at the ceremony was the significant part if you'd made it clear that was the reason you were doing it.

youoldslag- no mention of presents, wouldn't occur to me. Just surprised there was no card or note.

The reason there was no party was that our family had had a big celebration for christmas day/ eve in the previous two days on the 5th/6th (bad planning) and a third day of big meals combined with work was too much.

maybe they thought another card was 'too much' as well then?

No Catholic baptism is complete without a statue of the Infant of Prague... whose head falls off almost immediately... my mother still had mine 42 years on!

Am sorry that they did not bring you a gift, but I send you and your son my best wishes and prayers :)

fair enough, the views around children and celebrations are obviously different to what I expected. I'll still take cards myself, but I see it's not the norm from what others think.

Maybe they have a plan? They've opened a savings account or named a star or something?

nappies-you said you weren't expecting presents so maybe since presents weren't really expected, you should have been more specific about what you DID want. If I went to a baptism and it was just the service and nothing else, I would be a bit confused as to what was expected of me as a guest.

I'm just saying that sometimes you have to be explicit and not be put out that people hadn't read your mind.

Ah, I'll clarify youoldslag. I didn't SAY presents weren't expected, I just had a feeling there would be none without a meal etc. Having hosted two meals in two days for family a third day might have killed me. Christmas eve requires twelve dishes alone.

The best gift anyone can give a child is love. They'll remember that throughout their life.

Nappies - Similarish thing happened to us - had DS baptised CoE (we were married in CoE service so should not have been big surprise to catholic grandmother and slightly lapsed catholic PIL). My parents gave lovely keepsake christening mug, grandparents on my side bought children's bible etc.

Grandmother in law and PIL very obviously did not give a card or any other token (when they are usually very generous for no reason and spoil DS with gifts including Easter cards and gifts - which I had never heard of). I really couldn't see how else to take this other than they were trying to "tell" me that we had done something wrong (I think in this case not baptising into catholic faith).