To feel a little put out grandparents came empty handed to Baptism?

[nappiesgone]

Very small affair, grandparents, nieces, aunts, uncles and godparents. No celebration, just a tiny service. It was done for the religious significance rather than an excuse to hold a party. Yet I feel my parents/ siblings were a little miserable to bring nothing to save for my son to remember the day as a keepsake. Especially considering it was a small affair not expecting presents as such, thinking more a pretty card with a thoughtful message to show my son when he's older. I hoped to put a few cards in a shoebox to pull out for his first communion.

Godparents bought pretty things to put aside, a silver cross and a keepsake box which was lovely of them.

Before it's asked, we're a well off family, not rich but nowhere near worrying about the price of cards level. No big fall outs, live fairly local.

Thank you Tuesday, though small it was wonderful. A dear priest to us came back to the parish specially, I was lapsed until I worked at a school with him.

Hee hee sorry Sudaname, but I'll go with the Royal Mail rules! xx

maybe if you'd emphasisied that there was no party and that you were donating the cost of party that they thought they were expected to do same

My PILs did not give DS anything for a Christening present. Nor have they ever given him anything for Christmas. Nor do they ever give me anything, though they are very specific in terms of what they would like. I've stopped caring about it. I don't mind, and DS gets enough from my side of the family, and his Godparents .

I think YANBU and they should have at least given a card. I'm assuming they are practicing Catholics? I am not catholic but do attend church and I often send a card when a friends DC is being christened/baptised regardless of whether I'm invited or not. Just as I'd send a first birthday card even if I wasn't invited to a first birthday party.

Very odd to turn up at a baptism with nothing. It's traditional to give a little keepsake. It's not about being 'grabby' (I bloody hate that word). Baptism gifts are usually religious in theme, hardly an Xbox or holiday fund.

Yanbu. Very odd behaviour and I would have been very upset of my family had done this to me. Do you and dh feel like you could mention it to your parents at least?

My parents are the only ones I'm hurt by, my siblings I expected it from (Xmas last year as a SHARED present they all got me a £3.99 book on how to be a good mother...). I thought they cared a bit more. They attend church every week, at least and I thought they'd just want to give him his first rosary beads, or an icon, or bible simply because he's special to them. Even if I'm not doing it all properly.

feeling- I won't mention it, they've made their choice and there's no point in dragging it up.

nappies I am still here! I did read it through properly but I just can't get my head around why you would feel in the slightest bit put out out that the grandparents did not bring some sort of small token like a card. I really can't understand how you would even notice.

I genuinely don't understand why you see a card or small gift as an indicator of thoughtfulness, and that lack of one means lack of thought, or lack of love or something.

The opposite happens a LOT - ie people buying cards/ gifts for events (birthdays, weddings, christenings ) out of nothing more than a sense of obligation, and in fact sometimes with a degree of resentment.

I can totally see how you could be PLEASED to receive a card, say ( for anything, not just in this example) but I don't get why you would feel put out at the LACK of one.

It was done for the religious significance rather than an excuse to hold a party.

It clearly wasn't just for religious significance as you expected presents from everyone? He got something from his godparents, what else does he need?

I've only got one thing from my baptism. One silver cross that my godparents bought me. I think I've got a card somewhere but that's about it. I prefer it that way. One special thing for me that is as old as I am. It would feel less special if I had a crate full of stuff.

You're being very selfish.

I think YANBU.

I think that actually, the fact that you had a baptism for genuinely religious reasons, rather than an excuse for a party, is actually more reason to feel that those who were invited would give a card or something similar. Yes, it would have been nice if they had thought to give a small gift with a religious significance, but I would have felt very disappointed that your DCs GPs felt unable to buy him a card and write a personal message with maybe a relevant quote from the Bible. I would not do as some have suggested and ask them do write something now. The point of it was that it should have been a message from them to their GC that should have been spontaneous, not something they have been guilted into.

I don't think you sound at all 'grabby', I think you sound sad that your parents clearly only feel it is a 'real' baptism if there is an opportunity for a booze up afterwards. FWIW, I don't recall the story of Jesus' baptism ending with a party, just a dove and the voice of God.

YANBU. It is the same as not giving a birthday card to a close relative simply because there was no birthday party. Grandparents and the Godparents should have given cards, and any siblings you may have. At least the Godparents did. I am sorry your feelings have been hurt.

The joys of conformation classes! I was indoctrinated into the C of E. Aside from lots of rote learning of catechisms and creeds I remember the priest railing against Papism. Fast forward 30 years, the C of E talks about ordination of women and said priest suddenly leaves the Anglican church and joins the Romans! So much for your rants against Papism buddy!

I think the baptisms I've been to it was only the godparents who brought gifts. I remember at one being a bit suprised a present was a baby gym, IMHO godparent gifts shoud be things that can be kept for years, a silver cross, statue, or something similar.

But I agree not getting cards is a bit odd.

Yanbu op.

It is not grabby & materialistic to expect cards for major life events from close family. It is grabby & materialistic to expect family to spend a fortune on a party before you'll deign it a card event & to not even donate to the church shows their attitude to generosity IMHO. I assume seeing as though your parents brought you up & your siblings were there at the time they are as well aware as you are of the cultural norms for your faith and family in this instance.

I'd say something & ask for a card a a minimum from your parents so you have a keepsake for your son.

I am catholic. I have 4 children. I have had all 4 baptised. I didn't expect gifts and received very few. I have all the stuff from all 4 kids in a shoebox somewhere ( that's how much we received, all 4 in 1 little box).

I am amazed frankly you want or expect anything. AYOu even say godparents got stuff, and you're complaining other relatives didn't?

YABU

Will hopefully get married within the next 18 months or so.

Partially through choice, but mostly through financial necessity, the wedding will involve inviting parents/siblings only to registry office, followed by a meal at a cafe/pub.

I wouldn't dream of asking for expensive items off a wedding list after choosing to keep things small scale . So quite reasonably, If we decree the wedding will be low key and modest, I would expect the guests' response to be in keeping and I wouldn't expect any more than their presence at the registry office.

You can't tell people to not make a fuss and then be arsey with them when they take your word for it.

We have been invited to many a 'do' of different types over the years that are friends of friends or people we are staying with have checked if we can tag along etc etc - so in short hardly know the party girl or boy or couple. l have always without fail bought the host(s) a relevant card to mark the occasion and a gift of around £20 to £25 minimum.

But even in these situations where a card or keepsake is neither here nor there to them in terms of sentimental value as we dont know them well l still buy a gift out of fairness really - not because l am materialistic or perceive the hosts to be and only inviting me to gain a material gift. To me its a simple equation - they are feeding DH and l for a significant amount per head and paying for the entertainment/the room hire etc etc - so l think it would be just plain rude to go empty-handed and then make six trips to the buffet table .

YABU - we had an equivalent thing for DD with just close family and godparents. Her godparents did give her something (even though I made it clear to them that we wanted them to be involved in DD's life and weren't being appointed to give presents). One set of grandparents brought something. The others didn't and I really didn't think anything of it until your post. The real gift to DD in her family and godparents coming together is in pledging interest and support for her in the future. I get such a thrill from the relationship she has with her grandparents and what they give to her (birthdays, Christmas etc) is nothing compared to the joy they bring to each other.